Tag Archives: abortion

  Thanks but no thanks

Pope Francis Offers Get Out Of Hell Free Card To Baby-Killing Whores

we didn't know you're allowed to have a pope who doesn't look like a sith lord
No one asked Sometimes we like New Pope Frank. Like, when he gets all Truffula tree-huggy and wants to save the Swomee Swans, or whatever, because God said, “Here is a earth-shaped planet, keep it pretty.” And those times when New Pope is like, “Jesus said rich people are THE SUCK, so don’t be such dicks, rich people.” That’s cool too and seems pretty Jesus-y. Read more on Pope Francis Offers Get Out Of Hell Free Card To Baby-Killing Whores…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: This Is Clearly A Homo-Sexual Web-Page

Nothing classes up the joint like a top hat and monocle
Nothing classes up the joint like a top hat and monocle What a week! Our Deleted Comments queue fairly groans with vast loads of deleted idiocy, and yet, we find ourselves facing quite the conundrum: While we had enormous numbers of deleted comments, not many of them were really all that worth mocking — they were more tiresome than absurd. And yet, we will muddle through, somehow. At least our story on Ben Shapiro’s gay-panic meltdown in response to the horrific shootings in Virginia managed to elicit an eminently quotable comment from “WILLIAM H GATHERCOLE & NORAH G.” They appear to write comments as two people, and really want us to witness the power of their ALL-CAPS USERNAME. The joint Gathercole entity took issue with our highly unprofessional tone and parlance in the piece: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: This Is Clearly A Homo-Sexual Web-Page…
  wonksplainer

Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall

Congress
Don’t be a hero. Congress is coming back to DC, and you need this. Raise your hand if you are about to get fucked over by Congress. (Hint: All of you should have a hand raised.) Now use the other hand to pour yourself a stiff drink, because you’re gonna need it. Read more on Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall…
  That we know of

The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week

Just Jeb!
Just Jeb! Oh, that Jeb Bush! He is literally THE WORST at running for president of America. It’s like his entire life, he’s been living in the shadow of his dad and his brother, and he’s just really tired of how every single time he walks in the front door of the Kennebunkport manse, his mother Barbara drops her polite demeanor, stands up on the dining room table and starts flapping her arms yelling “LOSER! LOSER! SHOULDA BEEN AN ABORTION!” And Jeb’s all like “NOT AGAIN MOM!” but she can’t hear him because she’s cracked herself up so hard she’s looking for an inhaler. Read more on The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week…
  Get Your Bingo Cards Out

Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo

Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity.
Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity. Wonder why bad things happen to good people? We’ve been scanning the dregs of the wingnuttosphere since Roanoke TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward were shot to death while doing a routine interview Wednesday, and you’ll be astonished at the range of reasons it happened. Or you might be astonished, if you’re new to our great nation and its insane politics. Welcome to America! Here, you’ll want this flak jacket. So why did this terrible thing happen? Here’s a handy roundup! Read more on Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo…
  Not that anyone's surprised

Planned Parenthood Sting Videos Are Full Of Bullcrap. No, Even MORE Bullcrap.

Everyone is getting tired of this Are we still talking about Planned Parenthood stealing baby parts from your lady cave, in the dead of night, to sell on Amazon? (Order with Prime and have it by tomorrow!) Yes, we are, groan and growl and MANY EXPLETIVES! Read more on Planned Parenthood Sting Videos Are Full Of Bullcrap. No, Even MORE Bullcrap….
  Mad About A Thing

Jeb Bush Doesn’t Know Dick About Women’s Healthcare

Oh really? So this happened: Don’t believe it? See for yourselves: Perhaps Jeb Bush, who proudly slashed Florida’s funding of women’s healthcare when he was the state’s governor and redirected it to crisis pregnancy centers, which do not provide healthcare services, would like to clarify precisely what he means by “women’s health issues.” Read more on Jeb Bush Doesn’t Know Dick About Women’s Healthcare…
  duh

You’re Off The Hook, China. Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion

God's financial analyst.
God’s financial analyst. Just like all U.S. Americans, Pat Robertson woke up Monday morning to news that the stock market is kinda batshit right now. It’s plunging! Then rallying, kind of! Then dipping again! By the time you read this, only Jesus knows what it’ll be doing, which is why Grandpa Pat takes comfort in What A Friend He Has In Jesus. Now, you might have gotten on the internet and Googled, “Why the hell is the stock market being bad?” And you might have found articles like this here thingamajig explainer in Slate, which says China’s stock market and currency are tanking and taking the rest of the world with them. And if you’re a common godless liberal, you believe it, like A Idiot. Read more on You’re Off The Hook, China. Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Just Biding Our Time Until We Find Josh Duggar’s Grindr At This Point. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Coming soon to a town near you, but Sarah Palin won't be there. OR WILL SHE?
Coming soon to a town near you, but Sarah Palin won’t be there. OR WILL SHE? Hey Wonkers! We had a big week! Did YOU have a big week in your job? Just kidding, this post is not about you. Did you hear the big news about how Editrix Becca invested in a Winnebago for the Wonkette, so we can do onsite “journalism” at the Iowa caucuses and the Republican convention and wherever else news is happening? Or wherever else we decide to do drinky things. We are going to do ALL the activities, and you should be very excited. Read more on Just Biding Our Time Until We Find Josh Duggar’s Grindr At This Point. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  psa

Anna Duggar Should Stop By Her Local Planned Parenthood, And So Should You

STDs are not a laughing matter, you guys. So, the penis of “family values” whore-creeper Josh Duggar has been mysteriously falling into unknown vagina parts lately, and we know they don’t do sex education very good in fundamentalist Christian circles, but there are crotch crickets in those hills, and they can GET YOU. In fact, some crotch crickets might have been living in one of the vaginas Josh Duggar visited on his Ashley Madison American Vagina Tour, and they might have gotten on his peen. They can do that without him even knowing it! They could be like “We are just renting space on this peen, we don’t want to live here, but we WOULD like to live in his wife’s pants!” So lo and behold, the Duggar boy may have taken something gnarly home to his wife, who does NOT DESERVE THAT. Read more on Anna Duggar Should Stop By Her Local Planned Parenthood, And So Should You…
  Definitive proof

‘Pro-Life’ Wingnuts Secretly Love Abortion, This Video Says So

DOH!
DOH! Hey remember that time a million years ago (but really in the middle of July) when lying twat-gurgler anti-choice extremists from Operation Rescue and Live Action, going under the name “Center For Medical Progress,” released a SHOCK VIDEO that showed Planned Parenthood folks getting all excited about the bargain they got on fetus parts at the Fetus Parts Farmers Market that morning? And remember how quickly it became a SCIENCE FACT that this was what was happening, due to Fox News and all its associated dumbfucks on the right (especially the ones in Congress) said it was a FACT, not only because they are dishonest, but because they are also very stupid? Read more on ‘Pro-Life’ Wingnuts Secretly Love Abortion, This Video Says So…
  Probably not terrorism though

Man Brings Bomb To Abortion Clinic, Definitely Not There To Bomb Abortion Clinic

Eeeeeeeeeee haw!
Never mind With all the terrorists afoot all over the place, hating us for our freedoms and the like, we were a tad concerned when we read the news Tuesday, oh boy, about a lucky man who was arrested for perhaps trying to bomb an abortion clinic in Kansas. And not just any clinic, but the South Wind Women’s Center: Read more on Man Brings Bomb To Abortion Clinic, Definitely Not There To Bomb Abortion Clinic…
  mommyblogging

Why 10-Year-Olds Should Not Be Pregnant: A Wonksplainer

Go fuck yourself, Mike Huckabee This weekend, Mike Huckabee, a man who would like to be president of the United States of America, explained why it is perfectly perfect that a 10- to 11-year-old girl should be forced to bear her stepfather’s child. Oh sure, it was “sad” and all, this actual real-life baby in Paraguay who was forced to give birth to a rapist’s baby, but what can you do? (An abortion. You can do an abortion.) Kaili covered pretty well already why abortion is great and Mike Huckabee can fuck himself right in his fallopian tubes, but she didn’t really delve into what pregnancy does to a woman’s body, much less a pre-teen girl’s. Let’s rectify that, with mommyblogging! Read more on Why 10-Year-Olds Should Not Be Pregnant: A Wonksplainer…
  Womb Raider

Dr. Ben Carson’s An Abortion Archaeologist, What Do You Think About That?

Just imagine it's a pith helmet or whatever
Just imagine it’s a pith helmet or whatever So you know how Ben Carson was a co-author of a paper involving fetal tissue research, even though he thinks fetal tissue research is really gross and squicky, and Planned Parenthood should stop selling Buicks that are made out of babies? Dr. Carson would like to clear up a few things about that. Even though his name is on the paper, he did not personally do any research on fetal tissue himself. And he’s got a very compelling explanation for why he is free of the taint of “fetal tissue research” in the study: As a surgeon, he’s only the guy whose study used fetal tissue, is all. [See update below.] Read more on Dr. Ben Carson’s An Abortion Archaeologist, What Do You Think About That?…
  Must be Monday

Mike Huckabee Says Awful Dumb Thing Because He’s Mike Huckabee

The sneering sack of fetid rectal discharge that is Mike Huckabee said some stupid this weekend. It wasn’t about Israel this time or about how as president, he will declare martial law to seize control of every poonany in America, for “life.” No, this weekend, on CNN, Huck went retro, reaching back to one of his all-time classics: “Screw you, rape victims.” Read more on Mike Huckabee Says Awful Dumb Thing Because He’s Mike Huckabee…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!

My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom
My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom Our piece last week on the nice North Carolina dad who was an ardent Open Carry enthusiast (and whose Facebook page was full of pro-gun, anti-Obama, and anti-Muslim messages) who shot his two preschool-aged sons to death drew the usual bunch of Second Amendment defenders who gunsplained to us that the problem isn’t guns — it’s never guns — but it also received complaints from folks with a refreshingly new perspective, if by “refreshingly new” you mean “familiar clichés that we haven’t seen in at least a week or two.” You see, kids, as would-be commenter “Valerie Emmons” informs us, we are actually huge hypocrites for even being the least bit upset about a drunk man who shot his 3- and 4-year-old sons multiple times after assaulting his wife, because we also support a women’s right to choose a legal surgical procedure: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!…