Tag Archives: abortion

  how rude!

Mean California Dems Won’t Let Fake Abortion Clinics Lie To Ladies And Call Them Whores :(

Did you REALLY just tell me that my IUD is a baby?
These things exist, called Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPC’s). They like to set up in the inner city, and they act like they’re just trying to help the pregnant ladies who want abortions, but in reality, women who go there get fed whole lines of incorrect medical “info” (aka “lies”) about how abortion causes breast cancer and abortion causes ladies to be depressed forever, and so on. Sometimes they just tell ladies they’re whores, and that they’ll never be able to get pregnant again if they get ‘bortions. Most of them don’t even have medical staff. Read more on Mean California Dems Won’t Let Fake Abortion Clinics Lie To Ladies And Call Them Whores :(…
  That's not what 'libertarian' means

Rand Paul Thinks States Should Regulate Your Vag, Except For When He Wants To

You can trust him, he's a doctor
The “libertarian” senator from Kentucky does not want to talk about abortion, m’kay? Bitcoins and drones and how we should go back to the 1800s except for that slavery stuff, maybe, and Bill Clinton’s blowjob (totally Hillary’s fault) — that’s all good. Rand Paul loves that stuff. He will trip over his own tongue ALL DAY on that nonsense. But little babbies and whether he wants to save them or kill them dead, in your womb? Nah, man, that’s not why he’s been a senator for .37 seconds and is already ready to pretend he’s ready to be president: Read more on Rand Paul Thinks States Should Regulate Your Vag, Except For When He Wants To…
  point and laugh

Wonkette Wingnut BFF Bradlee Dean Makes Poem, Proves Gay Marriage Will Cause Holocaust

World's most beautiful poet.
Wonkette is very excited to let everyone know that Bradlee Dean, our hilarious bestie who is also a religious rights activist, has written a very important poem at the WorldNetDaily, about how gay marriage is going to cause the Holocaust. Like we need to be reminded! Now, Bradlee Dean does not like being quoted, but fuck him, here is his poem, which is his own version of the famous Martin Niemöller “First they came for the socialists” quote. Is it good? Ha ha, no, Bradlee Dean is bad at many things, and poetry is one of them: Read more on Wonkette Wingnut BFF Bradlee Dean Makes Poem, Proves Gay Marriage Will Cause Holocaust…
  You Got Fetus In My Vaccine!

Pro-Lifers Will Not Have California Putting Dead Babies In All The Vaccines

And chewy nougat
Of the many claims made by anti-vaxxers, we have to admit this one is new to us: A group that opposes both abortion and vaccinations insists that California needs to keep its vaccine exemption for “personal and religious beliefs” because if it doesn’t, then children of good decent Christians will be forced to get injected with aborted baby parts! It’s now something of a moot point, because the California Senate passed the bill Thursday, although it’s still not clear whether Gov. Jerry Brown will sign it. Read more on Pro-Lifers Will Not Have California Putting Dead Babies In All The Vaccines…
  dirty commie socialists

Texas Will Make Sure Your Doctor Knows Where You Got Your Filthy Obamacare

This is what Obamacare insurance cards look like, right?
The Texas House did something gross, because it is the Texas House, try not to faint from surprise. House Bill 1514, approved by a vote of 129 to 8, would require that a special designation — “QHP” — be added to insurance cards for plans purchased through the Affordable Care Act’s online exchanges, just so your doctor knows how gross you are. Originally, the bill included the designation QHP-S, which would have added an extra special “fuck the poors” scarlet letter to the insurance cards of people who qualified for subsidies under Obamacare, but that part was removed from the final bill that passed, which liberal blogs and mainstream newspapers would know if they READ A GODDAMNED BILL ONCE IN A WHILE: Read more on Texas Will Make Sure Your Doctor Knows Where You Got Your Filthy Obamacare…
  GOP outreach strikes again!

House GOP Figures It’s Safe To Ban Abortion Now That Everyone’s Stopped Paying Attention

You're cool with this now, right?
As further evidence that the GOP really “gets” chicks, House Republicans murdered the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act to ban abortions after 20 weeks back in January, which they’d hoped to pass on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, to be dicks. But five months is enough time to get over that, right? So they’re planning to bring it up for a vote again next week: Read more on House GOP Figures It’s Safe To Ban Abortion Now That Everyone’s Stopped Paying Attention…
  mommyblogging

Sofia Vergara’s Ex, Sherri Shepherd, Fox Doc Keith Ablow Enter Jerk-Off Contest. All Win.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Last week, the Internet had itself a rollicking time being horrified and disgusted by some douche, Nick Loeb we guess, taking to the pages of the New York Times to explain why he’s suing for the right to take ex-fiancee Sofia Vergara’s frozen babies out of their Petri dish, plant them in a stranger’s belly, and make a happy home. Short version: but he waaaaaants them. Long version: What part of “but Nick Loeb wants them” don’t you understand? (Loeb is a rich person, and is used to getting what the fuck he would like.) Read more on Sofia Vergara’s Ex, Sherri Shepherd, Fox Doc Keith Ablow Enter Jerk-Off Contest. All Win….
  Fuckabee if you're nasty

Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!

Gonna teach America some manners again!
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!…
  Sincerely Helled Beliefs

Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too

Enough Norman Rockwell, and you're damned forever
We are once again pleasantly gobsmacked by the simple brilliance of our favorite First Amendment trolls, the dead-serious activist/satirists at the Satanic Temple. If Christianists are going to insist that sincerely held religious beliefs give them an opt-out for any law, then by the Hoary Beard of Baphomet, the same should hold for Satanists, which is why the Missouri branch of the Satanic Temple is preparing to sue for the right of a Satanist lady to skip Missouri’s dumb 72-hour waiting period for an abortion. Read more on Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too…
  this is why we can't have nice things

Sorry, Kansas, But Gov. Brownback Has To Spend All Your Money Stopping Bortions

Yes he still blows a lot, always will
Who is absolutely THE WORST Republican governor in U.S. America? Oh all of ’em, Katie? Correct! But Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is trying super hard to be even more THE WORST than all the others combined. As if it weren’t bad enough that he bankrupted the state with tax cuts for the rich that work as well as unicorn farts, he would like to make his state even more broke, for the unborned babies. Earlier this month, Brownback signed into law SB 95, a bill written by the “pro-life” National Right to Life Committee to ban essentially all second-term abortions by inventing the term “dismemberment abortion” and then saying “that’s mean and gross, you can’t do that.” And because this is a blatantly unconstitutional law, it’s going to cost Kansas a truckload of dollars it does not have. Fiscal conservatism, for the win: Read more on Sorry, Kansas, But Gov. Brownback Has To Spend All Your Money Stopping Bortions…
  Wonder what else Jesus is preventing him from doing

Jesus Saves Oklahoma Rep From Murdering Himself With Fire For The Unborn Babies

You know that thing, where you are SO MAD about abortion that you are just about ready to pour gasoline all over your nekkid Oklahoman body and light yourself on fire, but you won’t, because you love Jesus too much? Of course you’ve been there, you are pro-life! Well, Jesus himself has stepped in to prevent that from happening yet again, in the case of Republican state Rep. Kevin Calvey of Oklahoma City. You see, Oklahoma House members were just having a nice friendly debate about SB 548, which would give Okie Supreme Court judges and other court employees a little 6% raise. Now, one would not think that this would progress to a hysterical shitfit about running across the street into the courthouse with your pants LITERALLY on fire, because you are so mad about abortion, but that’s because you don’t love Jesus as much as Calvey does, therefore you don’t understand. Read more on Jesus Saves Oklahoma Rep From Murdering Himself With Fire For The Unborn Babies…
  Sunday Gossip Hour

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People

Gossiping cat has thoughts to share.
Happy Sunday, Wonketariat! We hope this love note finds you fat and happy. We should take a moment before we go get ACTUAL brunch, to do internet brunch gossip about the Most Popular Stories of the week. You all were all over the place this week, with your favorites! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People…
  Grrrrrl power

North Carolina Will Make You Wait For That Abortion Until You Realize You Don’t Want It

You're cool with this now, right?
Chicks, amirite? So hormonal and impulsive and never knowing what they really want. That’s why they are lucky to have the North Carolina General Assembly to protect them from making bad decisions, with HB 465 — a bill to extend the state’s 24-hour waiting period for abortions to 72 hours, which passed on Thursday. Because really, is one day enough time to realize you don’t want to kill your baby? Probably not. Read more on North Carolina Will Make You Wait For That Abortion Until You Realize You Don’t Want It…
  Just Don't Shout 'I AM Justice!' At Your Swearing-In

Loretta Lynch Confirmed; Eric Holder Can Finally Take This Job And Shove It

Still claims not to be Eric Holder, reportedly has not yet died of old age
Congratulations, Loretta Lynch! You have been confirmed as Attorney General, and it only took 166 days, which, as a student of History, you may be interested to know, is much longer than the entire lifespan of quite a few independent nations. Only two other Attorneys General took longer to confirm (Edwin Meese, under Ronald Reagan, and A. Mitchell Palmer, under Woodrow Wilson). Read more on Loretta Lynch Confirmed; Eric Holder Can Finally Take This Job And Shove It…
  They're probably just saying they were raped to make a political statement

Tennessee Lady Rep Not Buying Your ‘Rape And Incest’ Story, Harlot

Sheila Butt, Republican state representative of Tennessee, is very misunderstood. In February, she was very upset because she just didn’t understand why people would think that her call for a National Association For The Advancement of White People could be misconstrued as RACIST. Now she will likely be very misunderstood again, simply for saying that we shouldn’t have rape and incest exceptions in abortion laws, because bitches be lying. Read more on Tennessee Lady Rep Not Buying Your ‘Rape And Incest’ Story, Harlot…
  Let's gossip about the week that was!

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People

It's the best day of the week!
Hola, Wonkers, we hope that your Sunday is treating you well. Pull up a chair, for we must now gossip about all the hilarious and CONTROVERSIAL stories that you clicked on the most this week! We thought you would all be super-excited about Marco Rubio running for president, but none of those stories made the top 10, :(. Guess Rubio will never be president now. Also never being President? Hillary Clinton, because none of her stories made the top 10 either! It’s all yours, Rand Paul! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People…
  mommyblogging

Shut Up Paul Anka, Ben Shapiro’s Dad Has Written Greatest Pro-Life Anthem OF ALL TIME!

Move over, Paul Anka. There is a new pro-life anthem in town, and not a minute too soon because “You’re Having My Baby” came out over 40 years ago! Let’s remind ourselves of the glory and perfection that was the song about how Paul Anka is super glad his woman did not put a coathanger to the fruit of his jism: Read more on Shut Up Paul Anka, Ben Shapiro’s Dad Has Written Greatest Pro-Life Anthem OF ALL TIME!…
  Usually Kaili is mad about a thing but it's MY TURN BITCHEZ

Walmart Withholds Medicine From Lady Who Miscarried, Because She’s Probably A Sinner

Everyone woman should have babies except not
Imagine you are a lady, and you are going through the sadness that comes with a miscarriage. This is one of those times in life, we imagine (as we are a dude), that you really don’t want to deal with any bullshit, just a guess? So you go to the doctor, and he gives you a prescription for Misoprostol, which will help your body pass the tissue, instead of having to go through an invasive, unpleasant procedure to extract it. Doc calls your scrip in to the friendly neighborhood Walmart, but the pharmacist refuses to fill it, because Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs. You see, this particular drug can ALSO cause an abortion, which is not a FUCKING PROBLEM if you have already miscarried, now is it? But that is exactly what happened to Brittany Cartrett of Milledgeville, Georgia: Read more on Walmart Withholds Medicine From Lady Who Miscarried, Because She’s Probably A Sinner…
  It also helps if you clap real hard

Now Arkansas Says You Can Reverse Your Abortion With This One Weird Trick

What's science got to do with medicine?
Arkansas has been very busy this week protecting The Children. In addition to the bill to prohibit “rehoming” adoptive children to rapists, the state enacted another two anti-abortion laws this week, for the kids! (Oh, and the ladies, haha, suuure.) That’s a total of six abortion bills since January because IT’S JUST THAT IMPORTANT. Read more on Now Arkansas Says You Can Reverse Your Abortion With This One Weird Trick…
  Jump in the pool -- the santorum's fine!

Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!

Santorum now available with SPF 45 protection!
Hurray, Rick Santorum is dipping his toes into the frothy fecal waters of the 2016 Republican clown car! Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are already in there, just splash, splash, splashing around, but Rick Santorum is not 100 percent sure he’s DTF yet, so he’s created a “testing the waters” account, just to see if maybe he might want to lose another Republican primary: Read more on Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!…
  There's A Vas Deferens Between These Procedures

Gross Tennessee Legislator Tells State Senate About That Time He Got Spayed

A Tennessee state senator decided that right on the Senate floor was the best place to describe medical procedures on his own genitals. Before you think he’s super gross, just know that he did it so he could talk down to some lady person, so it’s cool. Read more on Gross Tennessee Legislator Tells State Senate About That Time He Got Spayed…
  Gonna need a bigger reset button

Yup, Rand Paul F*cked Up His Second Day Running For President Too

Maybe not so ready after all
It’s Day Two of Rand Paul’s Excellent Presidential Adventure, and he is having a bad day. Again. He started his morning picking a fight with the “Today” show’s Savannah Guthrie because she didn’t ask him questions the way he thinks she should, and he followed that up with a quick explanation to the New York Times that when reporters ask him questions he doesn’t like, “That isn’t journalism.” (Side note: Waging war against reporters when you are running for president is a FANTASTIC strategy, and we encourage Paul to stick with that for sure.) Read more on Yup, Rand Paul F*cked Up His Second Day Running For President Too…