abc news
Fox News Was Right About Benghazi All Along and Probably Everything Else Too
Impeach! Impeach! IMPEACH! Everything terrible you ever believed about our tyrannical gun-grabbing socialist Muslim foreign-born gay president has turned out to be true, according to the latest expose on Solyndra Fast and Furious Benghazi from ABC News: ABC News has obtained 12 different versions of the talking points that show they were extensively edited as [...]
Learn ABC’s 11 Weird Tricks To Surviving A Mass Shooting!
Mass shootings! It is like, they are everywhere, lol! And when someone comes at you with 14 guns and 5,000 rounds of ammunition right after they got out of prison for murdering their wife and inlaws, because seeing if someone is a law abiding citizen before selling them weapons discriminates against people who are law [...]
Get Well Soon, Jerry Brown!
ABC News reports that California Governor Jerry Brown is undergoing treatment for prostate cancer, OH NO! News of Governor Brown’s illness came courtesy of an ABC News alert right to our inbox (VIP Y’ALL), and was under stories about Chris Christie being fat, Hillary Clinton being too old in 2016 to run (your Wonkette is [...]
Jester’s Reporte: HRH ‘Patty’ Noonington Is A Communist
Good heavens! This electronick “ABCNews.com” reporte suggesteth that regent-lord HRH Peggington Noonington, chief wordsmithingtonshire of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, is a Communiste, as though She keepeth court with textile-craffters or Chicagoe Africkans.
Breathless ABC News Press Release: Our Cameras Caught Gabby Giffords!
Here’s a disgusting little “BREAKING” press release we just got: “Hey guys – Wanted to make sure you saw these first pictures of Gabrielle Giffords since the tragic shooting. Please link back to story and video below if you use.” We sure will, ABC News! Wow, you really tricked that congresswoman who got shot through [...]
Dumb Dana Milbank/WaPo Online Team Already Break Palin Pledge
Dana Milbank has declared that he will not talk about Sarah Palin in February, in order to get media attention. It’s working! Until he posted this yesterday: “I survived Day One of my February Sarah Palin moratorium, defeating the evil plans of ABC News’s Rick Klein. Only 27 days to go…” Yeah, that’s him mentioning [...]
American Public Sick of Telling Pollsters It Doesn’t Like Sarah Palin
Did you hear there is a new poll out today about infamous white person Sarah Palin and the office of the presidency? There is! “What is this, a day of the week?” you ask. Yes, it is. According to an ABC News/Washington Post poll (two news organizations wanted to pay for this dumb thing), six [...]
Most Americans Back Tax-Cut Deal Most Americans Hate
Most Americans think tax cuts for the rich should not expire, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll. But also, according to a poll, one cited often by Democrats in the tax cut debate, most Americans think tax cuts for the rich should expire. So there you have it! Americans have no idea what [...]
Inane Washington Post Polls Stewart/Colbert Presidential Election
Seeing as it was just days away from the midterms, people who do polling seriously and for a living decided it was high time they collect some numbers on the most important election happening this campaign season. And that election, of course, is a U.S. presidential election pitting Comedy Central characters Jon Stewart and Stephen [...]
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