abc news

Remember how we ignored the Pulitzers because US Airways tweeted a picture of a lady with a plane in her vajayjay? Turns out the Center for Public Integrity won for a series on how the medical profession screws over black lung patients. Now ABC wants a piece of that Pulitzer too. ABC News’ new president […]

ABC News Professional Journalist Jim Avila had some very serious questions for White House Press Secretary Jay Carney today about Barack Obama’s brief interview with comedy human Zach Galifianakis. Avila seemed really worried about it, if none too lucid: “How much discussion was there in the White House about the dignity of the office and […]

We like snark, and sometimes we pick on people because they do really dumb things that make this country worser and worserer. However, even if we dislike people’s policies, actions, accents, and pinky fingers, we respect everyone as a HUMAN BEAN. With that preamble out of the way, we are happy that George W. Bush […]

Impeach! Impeach! IMPEACH! Everything terrible you ever believed about our tyrannical gun-grabbing socialist Muslim foreign-born gay president has turned out to be true, according to the latest expose on Solyndra Fast and Furious Benghazi from ABC News: ABC News has obtained 12 different versions of the talking points that show they were extensively edited as […]

Mass shootings! It is like, they are everywhere, lol! And when someone comes at you with 14 guns and 5,000 rounds of ammunition right after they got out of prison for murdering their wife and inlaws, because seeing if someone is a law abiding citizen before selling them weapons discriminates against people who are law […]

ABC News reports that California Governor Jerry Brown is undergoing treatment for prostate cancer, OH NO! News of Governor Brown’s illness came courtesy of an ABC News alert right to our inbox (VIP Y’ALL), and was under stories about Chris Christie being fat, Hillary Clinton being too old in 2016 to run (your Wonkette is […]

There are 12 people dead and 50 injured at a movie theater in Colorado, including a baby. It’s not as though you can’t look into a suspect’s history after a massacre and report things as they’re confirmed. That’s what the media should do! What the media, and every idiot on the Twitter, should not do, […]

How does Bill Clinton always finagle his way into everything? Here’s an ad for the Barack Obama Presidential Campaign in which we find… Bill Clinton babbling for 90 seconds. Sure, why not. He’s like “Yep’m indeedy, Obama sure killed that Osama feller alright. Would Mitt Romney have done that? Ehh maybe.” Silly Bill Clinton. Don’t […]

Good heavens! This electronick “ABCNews.com” reporte suggesteth that regent-lord HRH Peggington Noonington, chief wordsmithingtonshire of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, is a Communiste, as though She keepeth court with textile-craffters or Chicagoe Africkans.

President of Angry Fetuses Rick Santorum announced on teevee this morning that he is also running for President of the United States. Watch out, Mittens! Santorum went on ABC News and stood in front of an empty building to deliver his message, which is about as exciting as you would imagine. Does he know how […]

Here’s a disgusting little “BREAKING” press release we just got: “Hey guys – Wanted to make sure you saw these first pictures of Gabrielle Giffords since the tragic shooting. Please link back to story and video below if you use.” We sure will, ABC News! Wow, you really tricked that congresswoman who got shot through […]

Guess who can’t stay awake through Obama’s deficit speech? Joe Biden, that’s who! [ABC News via Political Wire]

Dana Milbank has declared that he will not talk about Sarah Palin in February, in order to get media attention. It’s working! Until he posted this yesterday: “I survived Day One of my February Sarah Palin moratorium, defeating the evil plans of ABC News’s Rick Klein. Only 27 days to go…” Yeah, that’s him mentioning […]

Did you hear there is a new poll out today about infamous white person Sarah Palin and the office of the presidency? There is! “What is this, a day of the week?” you ask. Yes, it is. According to an ABC News/Washington Post poll (two news organizations wanted to pay for this dumb thing), six […]

Most Americans think tax cuts for the rich should not expire, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll. But also, according to a poll, one cited often by Democrats in the tax cut debate, most Americans think tax cuts for the rich should expire. So there you have it! Americans have no idea what […]