Tag: abc

It wasn't his case, but 9/11

Radicalized FBI Sleeper Cell Probably Led By Rudy Giuliani

Haha, attempted coups are hilarious!

Ted Cruz Will Protect Gays By Letting Christians Discriminate Against Them More

You know there is that thing called "gay Republicans"? Yeah, it's pretty weird to us too. It's like, "Oh you only vote that way because you're white and you have money and your tax cuts are more important to...
Never been forcibly kissed

Ladies! National Review’s Rich Lowry Will Jam His Tongue Down Your Throat, For Freedom!

National Review editor Rich Lowry would just like everyone to calm down, because there is no problem with sexual assault on college campuses. In an appearance on ABC's This Week yesterday, he was just delighted to announce that, because...
Now it's a few hundred, and still nothin' on.

Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!

Update/new development: Yr. Wonkette is psychic once again! (see end of post) Barry Bamz is going to single-handedly overthrow the rule of law tonight, but the teevee networks have decided not to carry the speech, because come on,...

Lady Mayor of Minneapolis Is A Thuggy Thuggy Finger-Pointing Gang-Banger

KSTP-TV, an ABC affiliate in Minneapolis, dropped a nuclear newsbomb on its Thursday EYEWITNESS NEWS broadcast: the city's Democratic mayor, Betsy Hodges, was consorting with gang members and had perhaps even been recruited herself. Intrepid reporter Jay Kolls, sensing he'd found The...

Laura Inghraham To Bring Her Special Blend Of Hate And Stupid To ABC News

Hissing hate module Laura Ingraham will be joining the roundtable on ABC's This Week With George Stephanopoulos, apparently because they need someone who's got the guts to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington by cutting off...

Dana Loesch Will Be On The View As Soon As ABC Installs Shatterproof Lenses In All Its Cameras

Set your DVRs, people! Squealing rage nymph Dana Loesch will be a guest co-host on ABC’s daytime television drama for ladies The View on February 3, which is…(checks calendar) Monday! Holy shit! We have to buy a DVR! And...

George Will Explains How Single Moms Make Martin Luther King Jr. Cry

Windsor-knotted colostomy bag George Will took the occasion of the upcoming 50th anniversary of the March on Washington For Jobs and Freedom to explain that there's a very simple reason that there's an economic disparity between whites and blacks:...

Peggy Noonan Does Not Care For Your Babby-Murdering, Young Lady

America, Dame Peggy Noonan has some seriously mixed feelings about Wendy Davis. On the one hand, she's very impressed with "the story of this young woman, she’s so spirited. You know, she has such energy and she seems to...

ABC News Stops The Presses: Obama Has A Friend Who Did Sex To A Hooker

Sup, ABC News? Is there anything in the world you could possibly try to twist into a news story during a holiday news week? "Obama Golfing In Hawaii With Pal Arrested in Prostitution Sting"? Sure, that should do it....

Study: You Are Not Actually Bruce Willis, It Turns Out!

Did you know that movies aren't real, and that it is very hard to act like Bruce Willis and shoot bad guys and toss off snarky quips all casual-like and not get killed in the process? As it turns...

Socialized ER Care Is Such A Sweet Deal, Unless You Have Ball Cancer

Isn’t it wonderful to live in the land of socialized health care, where You People can all go to the ER of our local hospitals and receive medical services that everyone else pays for? As Mitt pointed out, “If...

Who Is Chris Christie Yelling at Today?

Here, enjoy this video of Chris Christie screaming at a reporter from New York who has the NERVE to ask him a follow-up question about the foreclosure fund. Why is New Jersey dead-last in the nation in terms of...

Newt Gingrich Was Lying About ABC’s Interview With His Ex-Wife, Of Course

Comedy chuckwagon Newt Gingrich got a ton of mileage out of his cranky and peevish take-down of CNN's John King, and by extension the whole of the liberal media empire. (And for Gingrich's gross vehicle weight rating, tons of...

Who Dares Tell The Tea Party They Smell Like Old Gorilla Masks?

Teevee's absolute worst offense against humankind "Dancing With the Stars" is now also teevee's worst offense against that other section of beings "the teabaggers,"  because one of the illiterate trolls in Andrew Breitbart's stable of typing tumors at BigHollywood.com...

The 1980 Winter Olympics Hate Tim Pawlenty

Tim “Who Cares?” Pawlenty is in trouble now, because his hopeless campaign couldn’t even make a lousy commercial the right way. This campaign ad he made, “The American Comeback,” is funny because first of all, a “comeback” is the...