abc
Study: You Are Not Actually Bruce Willis, It Turns Out!
Did you know that movies aren’t real, and that it is very hard to act like Bruce Willis and shoot bad guys and toss off snarky quips all casual-like and not get killed in the process?
Socialized ER Care Is Such A Sweet Deal, Unless You Have Ball Cancer
Isn’t it wonderful to live in the land of socialized health care, where You People can all go to the ER of our local hospitals and receive medical services that everyone else pays for? As Mitt pointed out, “If someone has a heart attack, they don’t sit in their apartment and die. We pick them [...]
Who Is Chris Christie Yelling at Today?
Here, enjoy this video of Chris Christie screaming at a reporter from New York who has the NERVE to ask him a follow-up question about the foreclosure fund. Why is New Jersey dead-last in the nation in terms of implementing a bunch of programs to help homeowners avoid foreclosure, the reporter may have wanted to [...]
Who Dares Tell The Tea Party They Smell Like Old Gorilla Masks?
Teevee’s absolute worst offense against humankind “Dancing With the Stars” is now also teevee’s worst offense against that other section of beings “the teabaggers,” because one of the illiterate trolls in Andrew Breitbart’s stable of typing tumors at BigHollywood.com just, uh, happened to notice some costume designer dude on the show picking up a gorilla [...]
Inane Washington Post Polls Stewart/Colbert Presidential Election
Seeing as it was just days away from the midterms, people who do polling seriously and for a living decided it was high time they collect some numbers on the most important election happening this campaign season. And that election, of course, is a U.S. presidential election pitting Comedy Central characters Jon Stewart and Stephen [...]
HAHAHHA LUKE RUSSERT FOR ABC’S SUNDAY MORNING SHOW! Look everyone, unsubstantiated rumors from some ABC News employee about replacing George Stephanopoulos on This Week: “A prominent ABC political pundit said grabbing [Luke] Russert would be a major play to shake up the Sunday shows. Speaking on background, the pundit told Whispers: ‘It’s a great time [...]
Michael Steele May Quite Possibly Have Gone Rogue
Oh jesus christ, we think Michael Steele may have finally pushed himself into a position where firing becomes a near-future possibility, but what the hell do we know? It’s been quite a day for Steele, “the black Barack Obama.” First he canceled an ABC interview at the last minute. Reports came in that there was [...]
George Stephanopoulos Is Your New Diane Sawyer
Former Clintonite insider George Stephanopoulos will replace former Nixonite insider Diane Sawyer on ABC’s important hard-hitting American morning newsmagazine Good Morning America. Stephanopoulos is notorious for the most groundbreaking journalistic coup of the 21st century: “twitterviewing” John McCain and getting him to admit that “if the president does it, that means that it is not [...]
Wall Street Hooker Ring Will Probably Need Bailing Out, Too
Brian Ross is a national treasure because he is an actual investigative journalist who investigates things. He got this gal who ran a Wall Street hooker ring to turn over her client list, and boy howdy! It is full of, uh, bankers. Probably very interesting to people who know anything about Wall Street! Anyway, many [...]
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