We were going to do another Children’s Treasury to “honor 9/11,” to remember the most cosmically mind-fucking outbursts that various still-to-this-day-employed pundits said about death & war between 2001 and 2003, but why not just give the full stage to The Mustache of Truth and his famous “Suck. On. This.” Manifesto from May 30, 2003? You know, the most evil thing anyone has ever said about anything! MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
The September 11 attacks were terrible for any number of reasons, with the exploding and the wars and the death, and so it’s obviously petty to bitch about the many terrible cartoons they spawned, with the Statue of Liberty, crying, but when it’s your JOB to think about cartoons, as it has, somewhat improbably, become mine, then this is the sort of thing you think about, sometimes, when you think about 9/11. And there were no 9/11 weeping Statue of Liberty cartoons this year, so, VICTORY, in that extremely limited sense! But there was still a bunch of other crap. MORE »

For about five weeks after 9/11, media people who had spent the previous decade jabbering about Monica Lewinsky and “Hillary Care” and O.J. Simpson and Pets.com and the Macarena and Krispy Kreme suddenly decided “everything changed” when some lousy terrorists did what they did and killed some 3,000 people who just happened to be flying on passenger planes or working in office buildings on that day. Well, no. MORE »

(Every year on this rotten day, we repeat this beloved 9/11 feature, sort of like how A Charlie Brown Christmas plays on the teevee every December.) On this solemn day seven eight (whoops!) years ago, nearly 3,000 people were horribly killed so that Rudy Giuliani could earn a hundred million dollars and run for president of 9/11 and the most corrupt administration in American History could wage endless war around the world and many working-class people could affix “United We Stand” bumper stickers to their SUVs, so they could drive around with pride while eating hamburgers off their laps and listening to talk radio wingnuts. Also, “September the Eleventh” has inspired the most insipid, maudlin kitsch in the history of an already very kitschy nation. Let’s look back in horror. MORE »

• Al-Qaeda is celebrating the eight year anniversary of 9/11 by being impotent, broke, and mired in petty bureaucratic struggles. [The Guardian]
• Democrats don’t want to send more troops to Afghanistan, despite Obama wanting this more than anything else in the world, basically. [New York Times]
• Turns out that human beings can beat THE SWINE with one preventative shot, not two, which means twice as many pregnant gals, seniors, and babies (the “at risk groups”) will be able to avoid getting the flu. [New York Times]
• Here is your comprehensive Joe Wilson Exegesis, complete with South Carolina Civil War-to-Segregation Fun Facts. Joe Wilson actually comes from a storied political lineage of retards, is the point. [Washington Post]
• To little fanfare, Motorola has unveiled its new Google phone thing and literally no one cared enough to buy more Motorola stocks. Terrible, simply terrible. [Reuters]
• GM has everything to lose and nothing to gain from its new “May the Best Car Win”-themed PR strategy. [AP]

OKAY, ONE MORE PELOSI ANIMATED GIF: Nothing will ever compete with the 21st Century pop-art masterpiece that is today’s Wall of Pelosi animated gif seizure triumph, but we could not let this final submission vanish down the Memory Hole of Socialism, so here you go, and good night, and Happy September the Eleventh Eve! Make sure to leave out some pedophilia literature to distract the old Republican guys who will bust into your house tonight and try to scare everybody to death! [Thanks to Wonkette operative "David D."]

IMPORTANT 9/11- AND WHOOPI GOLDBERG-RELATED INFORMATION: Next up on Rudy Giuliani’s eight-year September 11th press junket: an appearance on The View, on 9/11! Never forget… to set your DVRs. [Ben Smith]

Poor Matthew Cooper! The former Time reporter and current Josh Marshall slave or Atlantic slave or whatever has made the mistake of comparing the atmosphere on Martha’s Vineyard right now to that of New York City on 9/11. He will be apologizing on Twitter all day, so stop on by! We feel sorry for Cooper, though, if he thinks of freaking 9/11 every time a famous person dies on a nice weather day. [Twitter]

Not since the Grinch stole Jesus’ Birthday from the tiny hydrocephalic aliens of Whoville has a figure of evil so blatantly tried to fuck a precious holiday to death: Barack Obama wants to make September 11 some kind of evil, patriotic day of remembering the terrorist attacks by doing something for America. It is exactly like he individually piloted all of those jets into those buildings, and knocked them down! MORE »

• CONGRESSMAN INSULTS MEMORY OF FIREFIGHTERS & NYC COPS & GIULIANI FROM 9/11: Democratic Rep. Collin Peterson of Minnesota is in “hot water” for telling The Politico, awesomely, that “25 percent of my people believe the Pentagon and Rumsfeld were responsible for taking the twin towers down. That’s why I don’t do town meetings.” Okay, but what does the insane 75% believe? [Star Tribune]

Did you know that back in 2002 charming Dr. Strangelove extra Dick Cheney wanted to deploy American troops to Buffalo, New York? Little known outside the nightmares of national security insiders, Buffalo, or “جاموس ” is a remote hellscape in Kashmir ruled by tribal warlords and their thuggish philosopher-king, Vincent Gallo. It was also the home of the “Lackawanna Six,” a group of terrorism suspects who Cheney wanted to arrest in spite of (because of??) the lack of evidence against them. MORE »