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Posts Tagged ‘9/11’

9/11

SOURCE: Rudy Giuliani Hasn’t Gotten The ‘Rudy Giuliani’s Political Career Is Over’ Memo

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

This might come up!Not sure if this nightmarish requiem is official, but “sources say” that America’s mayor, Rudy Giuliani — who recently ran the worst presidential campaign in American history, centered around his major career accomplishment of having the worst terrorist attack in American history strike New York City’s two tallest buildings under his watch — is planning to run for Senate in next year’s special election, to fill the last two years of Hillary Clinton’s term. This will be the snarling beast’s stepping stone to the presidency, once and for all! (No, that’s really his plan.) Everyone loves a guy who was mayor of a city 10 years ago! MORE »


DAILY BRIEFING

Presenting The Senate’s Compromisey $849 Billion Health Care Bill

Thursday, November 19th, 2009
  • Meet Harry Reid & the Senate’s Health Care Bill: $849 billion, 2,074 pages, no insurance for abortions or illegal immigrants, other characteristics, etc. [CNN]
  • Despite really maxing out every copy editor’s patience with the word “contentious,” Hamid Karzai was sworn-in for another five-year term as President of Afghanistan.  [New York Times]
  • Eric Holder took questions from 9/11 families about KSM’s trip to New York. [Washington Post]
  • Obama wants to do a free-trade deal with South Korea. Give it a week after this thing goes through that “SKaFTA” is not the name of some 16-year-old’s Bouncing Souls cover band. [WSJ]
  • Quarantining people isn’t doing much to stop swine flu from killing us all to death. [AP]
  • Ireland will not be granted that Fifa World Cup playoff rematch, no matter how unfair the Irish justice minister thinks that handball thing was. [Guardian]

UPCOMING LEGAL EVENTS

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed And His 9/11 Friends Are Coming To New York For Trials And Death

Friday, November 13th, 2009

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, or KSM—the most troubling acronym since “MILF”—and four friends will be transferred from Gitmo to New York, where they will be tried in a federal court for being in charge of 9/11. Eric Holder says that prosecutors will seek the death penalty. Reports the WSJ: “The prisoners won’t be transferred for weeks because of a law requiring at least 45 days notice to Congress before prisoner transfer from Guantanamo. Once brought to the U.S., the detainees will be held at the federal prison in New York.” This makes Khalid Sheikh Mohammed the only person in the past ten years to move to New York and not live in Brooklyn. [Wall Street Journal]


NATION OF RETARDS

Meet America’s Greatest Colorado State Senator, Dave Schultheis

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

Ah, very true. It’s the only logical conclusion, that President Barack Obama wanting to pass moderate bills incentivizing environmental responsibility (and maybe creating new jobs in the process) and providing basic health insurance to 30-40 million Americans makes him just like those 9/11 hijackers, and it’s time to bumrush the cockpit and crash his Kenyan ass into the quaint Pennsylvania countryside, before he gets to Bush Junior. Colorado State Sen. Dave Schultheis meets Twitter, everyone. MORE »


A GOOD DAY

Only Four Republican Members Of Congress Being Overtly Racist Against Brown People Today

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

9/11 sure did one foxtrot number on this country: “Four House Republicans are charging that the Council on American Islamic Relations is infiltrating Capitol Hill with undercover interns, and they’re basing the charge on a WND-published book that itself is based on the work of a man who posed as a Muslim to infiltrate CAIR as … an intern!” 2010 much? MORE »


WE ARE SO SCREWED

Northern Virginia Will Pretend To Have A Massive, Costly, Hilariously Detailed Terrorist Attack Tomorrow

Friday, September 25th, 2009

WHY ARE THERE BOMBS AND CHEMICALS ON ROUTE 50?Remember on the ANNIVERSARY OF 9/11 when the Coast Guard held some make-believe high-speed boat chase — they were chasing Osama bin Laden, on the actual Potomac River! — with guns shots and radio screams but didn’t bother to tell a single human being beforehand that it was a drill? Never will such miscues happen again! See, this time around, we know in advance that hundreds of emergency response officials are going to waste insane amounts of resources on a pretend 24esque high-speed Osama Chase tomorrow across all of Northern Virginia, so it’s okay! And if all goes as planned, homeland security teams will be prepared for the real Al Qaeda-coordinated triple-bomb/chemical weapon spill on Route 50 car chase scenario, scheduled for a Christmas release. MORE »


WHY ARE WE EVEN POSTING THIS?

Condi: Either We Stay In Afghanistan Forever, Or Every American Dies Again, Just Like On 9/11

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Peter Huestis, a legend in his own timeHey did you guys know that Condi Rice is a dipshit still? It’s in the latest news information! “The last time we left Afghanistan, and we abandoned Pakistan … that territory became the very territory on which Al Qaeda trained and attacked us on September 11th. So our national security interests are very much tied up in not letting Afghanistan fail again and become a safe haven for terrorists … It’s that simple… if you want another terrorist attack in the U.S., abandon Afghanistan.” So… the Bush Administration wanted another terrorist attack in the U.S. between 2002 and 2008? This is the last time we ever trust that Karl Rove. [Crooks & Liars]


REMAINDERS

It Is Not Too Late To Send This Important 9/11 Blog Poem To Your Loved Ones

Monday, September 14th, 2009

You know what was posted on Andrew Breitbart’s masterful Big Hollywood blog last Friday? Oh, nothing much, except maybe the best poem since Hamlet and The Wasteland and Jesus combined! It is about 9/11, which was the date last Friday, to be sure. MORE »


THE ENEMY IS EVERYWHERE

Did Terrorist ‘Filipino Monkey’ Cause Coast Guard 9/11/09 Freakout?!

Friday, September 11th, 2009

Shock the Monkey.Nearly 20 months to the day of the Filipino Monkey Attacks, a shocking radio-CNN-terrorism incident was or was not committed right here in Washington, on the famous Potomac River, home to several overpriced brunch/graduation restaurants with nautical themes, plus a yacht where Larry Craig used to live and “secretly” fuck men who hated him. WHAT, you do not remember the Filipino Monkey Attacks of January 14, 2008? God, are you even American? Michael Moore’s website is THAT WAY, to the LEFT. MORE »


DEATH OF DEATH PORN

Friday, September 11th, 2009

TeeVee's Glenn Beck.ALL OF THIS IS FACTUAL TRUTH: “So thank fucking christ that the Commander in Chief is no longer subjecting the nation to death porn. No, this year it’s limited to a nutty little cult leader on basic cable who is encouraging his radicalized band of fanatical followers to invade the cities where the tragedy actually happened in order to shock the populace back into fear. Glenn Beck is an actual terrorist, and the people attending his rally in DC tomorrow are al-Qaeda in America.” [Alex Pareene]


SOUNDS KIND OF FUN

Why Was There A Fake Sea Battle On The Potomac River Today?

Friday, September 11th, 2009

This non-existent Coast Guard sea battle with the terrorists, it is confusing. The White House is SUPER-FURIOUS at CNN! As usual, this anger is manifesting itself in the form of Robert Gibbs’ charmingly vicious sarcasm. CNN says it saw Coast Guard boats racing to catch a speeding boat on the Potomac and overheard screaming radio cries of bullets firing left and right, but no matter, it was just a “training exercise” that not a single government official seems to have known was scheduled for today, which is 9/11. Drinks all around! Meanwhile WHERE IS OSAMA? [YouTube, Michael Calderone]