WASHINGTON, DC, 6:05 PM, MON MAY 12 | 20 POSTS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged “9/11”

9/11

Catholic Church Condemns American Mayor Giuliani!

Rudy Giuliani has well-known problems reconciling his Catholic faith with his favorite hobbies: destroying fetuses, living with terrible homosexuals and cavorting around town dressed as an old-fashioned gal. Yet he took High Mass when Pope Ratzi visited New York recently even though the Pope surely hates him. The Archbishop of New York is so upset with Rudy's participation in this ancient pagan ritual that he has issued a statement condemning Giuliani, who was mayor of the city when planes crashed into two of its buildings. Read the "ha-ha funny" statement below. More »

3:43 PM on Mon Apr 28 2008
By Newell
2,424 views, 36 comments

Latest by kindofabigdeal: He's just doing Rudi a favor. Once you get fetus on your taste buds, the Christriscuits just don't taste the same. more »

wtf?

George W. Bush Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize

U.S. President George W. Bush has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for "fighting terrorism and promoting world peace," according to a BBC News report. Bush has successfully promoted peace and democracy in many terrorist nations, including Iraq and Afghanistan, while making Americans safer and more prosperous at home. More »

1:00 AM on Tue Apr 1 2008
By Ken Layne
7,270 views, 97 comments

run for your life

Terrorists Make Lady Rip Off Nipple Piercings to Board Plane

Here's where we are: If you have any trace amount of "metal" on your person, or in your luggage, or anywhere in your life, you are a terrorist and cannot board airplanes. Did you forget, Average American? You are never supposed to do that. Some lady did forget, however, and was forced to remove her nipple piercings with a pair of pliers at airport security. She is very upset, too! More »

3:43 PM on Fri Mar 28 2008
By Newell
5,392 views, 43 comments

trust no one

Mulder & Scully Crack 9/11-Condi Conspiracy

A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! More »

2:25 PM on Thu Mar 27 2008
By Ken Layne
4,246 views, 33 comments

throw chelsea under the bus

Hillary Makes Up Chelsea's Whereabouts on 9/11

Now that Hillary has decided to extort the Democratic party, she has officially become less trustworthy than Dick Morris, the Clintons' evil former strategist who now wishes them both dead. This means we can quote Dick Morris' column and assume his claims are true, because why not? On today's agenda: that time Hillary Clinton said Chelsea was hanging out by the Twin Towers on 9/11, and how she wasn't at all. More »

5:35 PM on Wed Mar 26 2008
By Newell
12,567 views, 86 comments

adulterers all around

Latest New York Governor Has Affairs, Too!

The new guy, the blind New York governor who isn't even the nation's first blind governor, he has also had sex affairs with ladies who were not his wife — or at least he thinks he had such affairs. Maybe it was just his wife after all. He's blind, remember? Moments after being sworn in after the other adulterer had to quit, latest-Governor David Paterson told the NY Daily News that he likes sleeping around, too! Oh, and it gets better, because his wife also has affairs. Shocking additional revelations will be posted in just a few minutes. [NY Daily News]

11:19 PM on Mon Mar 17 2008
By Ken Layne
1,272 views, 18 comments

Latest by kindofabigdeal: A case of mistaken identity? I can just picture Diamond Dave doing the Jamie Lee Curtis dance for Michelle's Schwartzenegger a la True Lies. Excuse me while I go wash my eyes out with something caustic. more »

bill kristol

Bill Kristol Coins '9/11 Generation,' No One Accepts This Coin

New York Times "lightning rod conservative" columnist Bill Kristol wrote this morning that Barack Obama is a fraud. Like most things Bill Kristol writes about, this is old by four news cycles. He lies about which church services he attended once, in the past! And his preacher is like a terrorist or sump'm! After a wry introduction involving Ben Affleck and a nightclub, the always deft Kristol dispels any notions that America's Youth may be "Generation Obama." Instead, they are the "9/11 generation." More »

12:51 PM on Mon Mar 17 2008
By Newell
2,660 views, 51 comments

Latest by Confederatefag: How 'bout the "Bill-Kristol-is-a-Giant-Douchebag" generation? more »

condi roundup

Condi's Running Out of Time

A Condoleezza road show is so much fun! Our Condi bounced from Egypt to Ramallah to Tel Aviv to Brussels, enjoying several perfect photo-ops along the way. The only problem was that outside the photo-ops, it was one of the most incriminating Condiweeks EVER, brimming with embarrassments, snubs, that Gaza Strip thing, and OMG, Glenn Kessler! So mean! Let's all pile on with Glenn after the jump! More »

11:47 AM on Mon Mar 10 2008
By phuestis
2,778 views, 16 comments

america's mayor

9/11 To Run For Senate?

He never let us forget, and then we forgot for a few months, but now they don't want us to forget again: The Political Bosses in New Jersey are considering getting America's Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, to run for Senate in New Jersey against America's Jew, Frank Lautenberg. But was he in New Jersey enough when the 9/11 buildings fell? More »

10:55 AM on Fri Mar 7 2008
By Newell
1,424 views, 25 comments

you never let us forget

Giuliani Apparently An Ad Man Now

This smokin' hot new anti-smoking ad for ASH (Action on Smoking and Health) is, well, very very inappropriate! When Rudy fearmongers with 9/11, we hate him; when anti-smoking fearmongers with 9/11, do we hate anti-smoking also? Everyone smoke immediately — Barack Obama knows what's up. [via Copyranter, full-size ad here]

10:52 AM on Fri Feb 29 2008
By Newell
4,765 views, 30 comments

america's mayor

Giuliani Leaves $9 to $11 Million Dollars In Campaign Funds Behind

[USA Today]

4:52 PM on Mon Feb 25 2008
By Newell
1,461 views, 18 comments

how to survive

FEMA's Tips For Encountering a Poison, Crashing Satellite

As you may have heard, the Pentagon’s space missile successfully hit that broken Satellite of Love last night, and now its poisonous death shrapnel (which has actually been deemed “unhazardous,” by liars) will come hurling into our atmosphere, killing us all. But there is one hope for us in this Armageddon scenario: the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), the revered handymen most famous for getting New Orleans back on its feet within 24 hours of the initial Hurricane Katrina strike. Last week, America’s Most Effective Agency released its “First Responder Guide For Space Object Re-Entry,” i.e. “what to do if the poison satellite crashes next to you.” How will FEMA save the world this time? More »

10:39 AM on Thu Feb 21 2008
By Newell
7,077 views, 64 comments

Latest by TomTrifik: @StacyPoo: Just $200 huh? NIce insurance, (or crooked deal?).... Anyway, my po' wife was sitting in her Volkswagen Beetle, stopped in dense traffic when [WHAMO!] something hits her windshield dead center. Twern't no lil rock or nuffin either!! The resulting more »

never forget

No More Train Hijackings: Amtrak Gets 9/11 Security

Only seven years after terrorists didn’t hijack passenger trains, Amtrak is finally getting the post-9/11 security it so desperately needs to continue pointlessly delaying trains and ruining the lives of Americans who stupidly rely upon the industrialized world’s lamest national rail service. More »

2:48 PM on Tue Feb 19 2008
By KLayne
2,020 views, 50 comments

this is what you get

America Totally Deserved George W. Bush








Happy, happy Presidents Day, Mister President who is hiding in Africa for some reason. Here are your subjects, the Americans. They are all idiots. Also: Why are foreigners being allowed to complain about you on the STREETS OF 9/11? [Farewell Mr. President]

11:09 AM on Mon Feb 18 2008
By KLayne
887 views, 17 comments

the 9/11 fund

Do Not Give Your Spare Change To Rudy Giuliani!

America’s Loser, Rudy Giuliani, has a week to keep his website up, and that asshat apparently will run the clock out. After spending $30 million in Florida for that hilarious third-place showing, he needs those donations to pay his bills. Give the loser some money, or… uh… 9/11 will happen again in whatever city he happens to be in right now, and he’ll have to fix it! [JoinRudy2008]

3:35 PM on Thu Feb 14 2008
By Newell
812 views, 23 comments

never forget

Potomac Primary: McCain-Obama's Big Night

Did you have some sort of plans Tuesday night? Were you crushed by the Terrorist Ice Strom? Well here’s some of what your Wonkette cooked up for you during our nation’s only Maryland-Virginia-DC primary:

1:10 AM on Wed Feb 13 2008
By KLayne
500 views, 7 comments

never forget

Fox News: Maryland/DC Traffic Worst Since 9/11!

According to Shepard Smith, terrible ice-traffic problems exclusively targeted John McCain voters in Maryland on Tuesday night. Never has such horror been visited upon America since September 11, 2001. Thank god Shep was there to talk us through it all. [FOX News]

11:59 PM on Tue Feb 12 2008
By KLayne
1,195 views, 10 comments

daily sudoku

Bible Code Wikipedia Game Reveals Who Did 9/11

Detective work by Wizard Is Hungry.

4:49 PM on Fri Feb 8 2008
By KLayne
5,588 views, 49 comments