Wonkette

Oh dear, it looks like those liberal celebrities are insulting George W. Bush’s heroism by plotting amateurish “copycat crimes” against Freedom. Why else would self-loathing college rapper Kanye West be arrested at the airport, on 9/11? Exactly. Now let’s invade, what, Belgium or Egypt or something. [CNN]

(Every year on this rotten day, we repeat this beloved 9/11 feature, sort of like how “A Charlie Brown Christmas” plays on the teevee every December.) On this solemn day a half-dozen years ago, nearly 3,000 people were horribly killed so that Rudy Giuliani could earn a hundred million dollars and run for president of 9/11 and the most corrupt administration in American History could wage endless war around the world that has killed some 700,000 people while finally restoring energy and defense stocks to the solid dividend payers favored by long-term investors. Also, “September the Eleventh” has inspired the most insipid, maudlin kitsch in the history of an already very kitschy nation, along with some truly stomach-turning old-fashioned American Huckersterism. MORE »

Hey everyone, it’s September 9 today, meaning that in only two days it’ll be… what will it be?… uh oh, WE FORGOT. HA HA HA, boy howdy. But yes: in two days it will be the seven (7) year anniversary of the day Rudy Giuliani couldn’t protect his own city from being attacked by commercial airplanes. And so for the next few days the Main Stream Media will “celebrate” with a slew of op-eds that sound like they were written in October, 2001. In today’s New York Times, for example, the Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg has written the most terrifying, apocalyptic piece so far this season: that we have a 50% chance of getting nuked by terrorists in the next 10 years, according to Experts. MORE »

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As you know, the worst mayor ever of anything, Rudy Giuliani, will deliver the keynote address at his party’s convention. Rudy Giuliani is a fucking stupid rat-demon whose pathetic 5th place campaign couldn’t even make it past January after 12 months of exploiting, for political purposes, the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians whose safety he, as mayor of the attacked city, was supposed to protect. He really is the most appropriate symbol for the Republican convention that follows eight years of George W. Bush, although probably not for the same reasons that the speaker selection committee chose him. Anyway he had a conference call today and just completely bombed on it, because he’s fucking stupid. MORE »

Oh no, some sort of 9/11 is happening in downtown D.C. today: “Authorities have closed portions of two downtown Washington streets as they investigate the discovery of several containers carrying an unknown substance. D.C. fire department spokesman Alan Etter says the containers were found on a sidewalk midday Thursday at the corner of 15th and I streets. Hazmat crews are working to determine what is inside the containers and who put them there.” The “air around the containers tested negative,” so it’s probably just urine. As far as who put them there, well: “A Spanish-language bible appears to be resting on top one of the containers.” The Bush Administration is expected to bomb a random brown country by nightfall. [WJLA]

A bunch of congressmen from Texas were flying to D.C. so they could vote on some Texas thing, and then OMG the Continental jet had a slight loss of cabin pressure so it made an unscheduled landing in New Orleans, and the the congressmen got on another plane to Washington. In other words, NEW WORLD ORDER ALMOST KILT DR. RON PAUL! MORE »

Here is some terribly offensive bit of non-circulating Liberian currency. It’s a $20 “Silver Leaf Coin-Certificate,” but nine plus eleven equals twenty, so that’s what they have on the back of the bill. You do the math: as we all suspected, the September 11th attacks were perpetrated by Liberian Masons, backed by Rudy 9iu11iani and a renegade band of numismatists, so that Sean Hannity could have his entire salary paid in these weird silver bills. The first person to get this tattooed on his or her back gets 40 million Truck Nutz courtesy of Wonkette. [9/11 Coin Certificate]

The first verse is “The Democrat secular progressive move, political correctness is killing us too. They want to take the money from the hard workin man, and give it to the lazy folks that don’t give a damn.” The opening image of the video is, of course, a fat slob sitting on a tractor. Jesus wept. MORE »

According to a new book from the Racist New Yorker’s Jane Mayer, Dick Cheney became the leading hawk in the White House after 9/11 because he thought the terrorists had successfully poisoned him with anthrax: “On Oct. 18, 2001, a White House alarm went off indicating that sensors had detected dangerous levels of radioactive, chemical or biological agents. According to Mayer, anyone who had entered the White House situation room, including Cheney, had been exposed. ‘They thought Cheney was already lethally infected,’ said a former administration officer who had kept the White House secret until now, according to the book.” Seven years after the scare, and hypochondriac Dick Cheney still cannot defeat each individual Muslim germ that he pretends is killing him. [ABC News]

Beloved former congress-lady Cynthia McKinney is the Green Party’s presidential candidate! She’s in it to win! The Greens had a convention on Saturday, apparently, and McKinney was the big winner. Her running mate is “Rosa Clemente, a hip-hop artist and activist.” Well, all right. MORE »