Wonkette

A bunch of congressmen from Texas were flying to D.C. so they could vote on some Texas thing, and then OMG the Continental jet had a slight loss of cabin pressure so it made an unscheduled landing in New Orleans, and the the congressmen got on another plane to Washington. In other words, NEW WORLD ORDER ALMOST KILT DR. RON PAUL! MORE »

Here is some terribly offensive bit of non-circulating Liberian currency. It’s a $20 “Silver Leaf Coin-Certificate,” but nine plus eleven equals twenty, so that’s what they have on the back of the bill. You do the math: as we all suspected, the September 11th attacks were perpetrated by Liberian Masons, backed by Rudy 9iu11iani and a renegade band of numismatists, so that Sean Hannity could have his entire salary paid in these weird silver bills. The first person to get this tattooed on his or her back gets 40 million Truck Nutz courtesy of Wonkette. [9/11 Coin Certificate]

The first verse is “The Democrat secular progressive move, political correctness is killing us too. They want to take the money from the hard workin man, and give it to the lazy folks that don’t give a damn.” The opening image of the video is, of course, a fat slob sitting on a tractor. Jesus wept. MORE »

According to a new book from the Racist New Yorker’s Jane Mayer, Dick Cheney became the leading hawk in the White House after 9/11 because he thought the terrorists had successfully poisoned him with anthrax: “On Oct. 18, 2001, a White House alarm went off indicating that sensors had detected dangerous levels of radioactive, chemical or biological agents. According to Mayer, anyone who had entered the White House situation room, including Cheney, had been exposed. ‘They thought Cheney was already lethally infected,’ said a former administration officer who had kept the White House secret until now, according to the book.” Seven years after the scare, and hypochondriac Dick Cheney still cannot defeat each individual Muslim germ that he pretends is killing him. [ABC News]

Beloved former congress-lady Cynthia McKinney is the Green Party’s presidential candidate! She’s in it to win! The Greens had a convention on Saturday, apparently, and McKinney was the big winner. Her running mate is “Rosa Clemente, a hip-hop artist and activist.” Well, all right. MORE »

The McCain campaign has released this new ad claiming that Barack Obama is the “Dr. No of energy security,” the theme of which is plagiarized from a 1962 film called James Bond And John McCain Score With Flappers. Old-timey cultural references aside, what the hell is that “energy security”? Why can’t someone oppose retarded things like the gas tax and domestic offshore drilling and not be held responsible for 9/11? Because of 9/11, of course. [YouTube]

Wonkette guest editor (and Reason sellout) Dave Weigel snuck into a screening of Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter Thompson last night, and reports that it’s “funny and raw as hell,” but spoiled by dirty liberal anti-Bush hippieness, because everybody knows how much HST loved the Bush Family, oil companies and imperialist wars. (It’s Reason; what do you expect?) But was Thompson’s 9/11 column really “thin and watery stuff” and “a catalogue of worries and ‘Bush is dumb’ jibes”? MORE »

Here’s a curious pairing of headlines from the Washington Post website. John McCain, as he has been and will continue doing for the next eight years, called Obama a softie who ignorantly treats our enemies like actual human beings. Obama thinks *talking* to dangerous regimes, in some form, will achieve anything? Like a truce or something? Go back to Harvard, Columbia elitist! Talking with the enemy will only result in twenty more 9/11s and universal cancer. [Washington Post]

And South Dakota Clinton supporter Cheryl Chamberlain takes the lead in the “Small Town Voters Who Shouldn’t Ever Talk To The Media” contest: “I won’t vote for Obama… You go on the Internet and see him associated with that church, with the Koran. He won’t wear a flag pin. … After 9/11, there is absolutely no way I’d support someone who is associated with the Koran. I won’t support terrorism.” In case you don’t get it, that mental leap chain is: Obama –> Internet –> Church –> Koran –> No Flag Pin –> 9/11 –> Koran –> Terrorist. [LA Times]

The former frontrunner for the Republican nomination and mayor of 9/11, Rudy Giuliani, is keeping himself busy with his consulting business these days, which has been booming ever since his highly successful presidential candidacy. He is now consulting in UKRAINE for some stupid mayor’s race, where His Candidate is a former boxer. Look at the great advice Rudy is giving his candidate: “If Vitaly is elected mayor of Kiev, my first piece of advice for him would be to say … no more corruption, corruption is over.” … Because of 9/11? [FP Passport]