Tag: 47 percent

House Speaker Paul Ryan Has Epiphany: White People Get Food Stamps Too!

Sometimes Kaili and I have a philosophical disagreement. For instance, John Kasich might say something that's not insane. My first instinct is to pat him on the head and give him positive reinforcement and maybe eventually he will be...

Old Man Married To Queen Calls People Spongers On Way To Cash Million-Pound Treasury Cheque

Prince Philip -- best known stateside as Mr. Queen of England -- is a right cock. He has a mean face, and is always yelling at people and calling them "slitty eyes," and you get the idea based on...
what, me work?

Jeb! Bush To America: Work Makes You Free

Jeb! Bush said a stupid yesterday, because it was a day. And because it was Jeb! Bush, it took a page straight from the Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romneyshire playbook. Let's go to the tape! “My aspiration for the...
A regular man of the people

Who’s The Best Liberal To Take On Hillary Clinton? Mitt Romney, Of Course

Good news, liberals! While Hero Badass Queen For Everything Please Sen. Elizabeth Warren still is not answering those 2016 draft calls, there is a super lefty liberal who is dying SO HARD to be your president. He will take...
Our eyes will be on Old Handsome Joe. We hear Obama's going to talk, too.

Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Blesses Us With A State Of The Union Viewing Guide, Oh Joy

Bland centrist Ron Fournier, who seems to aspire to be David Broder without all the edginess, has graced us with some standards for judging Barack Obama's State of the Union address tonight. Needless to say, he thinks the Republican...
Ha ha! I still suck!

America, Baby, Mitt Romney Swears It Will Be Different This Time If You Take Him Back

We might be changing our minds about another presidential campaign by His Royalness Mittens Holstein Benghazi Dishwasher Romnibus XVIII, because it means at least 18 more months of stories like this. Are we really prepared for a year and a...
We're laughing at you, not with you

Mitt Romney Thinks Mitt Romney Would Be Easily Defeated In 2016, Will Grace Us With Run Anyway

How excited are we, on a scale of 1-10, that Mitt Romney really and truly and honest-to-gosh is going to run for president again? Oh, let's say 47. We are excited to 47. There's plenty of chatter on the interwebs...
Ah, mittens, come on back and tell us all about it

Mitt Romney Finds Entirely New Explanation For ’47 Percent’ Remarks, In Own Ass

Now that Mitt Romney has let it be known through "supporters" and "his wife" that he is definitely serious about not winning the White House at least one more time, he is also letting it be known that he...

Poor Persecuted Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Proves Critics Wrong: He *Can* Be A Bigger Dick

So you all remember Tom Perkins, right? He is the bazillionaire who is afraid that all the little people will go full-Nazi and holocaust all the rich people, because it was his turn to make the "just like Hitler"...

Maine Governor Paul LePage Sure Wishes Entire State Wasn’t Filled With Lazy Unemployed Human Garbage

Hey Maine Governor Paul LePage! How is your state doin'? You wanna brag on it some? Oh, you want to say that Mainers are a bunch of goddamn hobos, layin' around waiting for their welfare checks so they can...

Republicans Vow To Cut Food Stamps In Areas Full Of Lazy Republicans

As the GOP War On Food Stamps rolls on this summer, Bloomberg.com has released a report looking at the political makeup of areas where food stamp rolls have expanded. Here's a bit of a "surprise": Among the 254 counties where...

Quarter-Billionaire Mitt Romney A Total Communist Now (Because He Hadn’t Flip-Flopped On That Yet)

We can't rule out, regarding this tweet above that posits the unlikely claim that His Lord High ... fuck it, Mitt Romney ... is "concerned" about the growing wealth gap, the possibility that Romney was talking about the shocking...

Bill O’Reilly Is Very Peeved That People Found His Racist Rant Racist

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com So, Mr. O'Reilly here is really cheesed at You People for calling him a racist. All he did was point out that Barack Obama was reelected by a bunch of poor nonwhite people who...

Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him

Mitt Romney was lonely. A week after the election, and all anybody was laughing at was Karl Rove and Fox News and Dick Morris and Gallup, and people had kind of forgotten Mitt himself, the onetime standard-bearer of the...

Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management

As Click & Clack will tell you, it's the stingy man who ends up paying most, and apparently it's as true of governing as car repairs! And apparently also, Mitt Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, was quite the Scrooge...

Dishwatergate: Paul Ryan Dishwashing Scandal Worse Than Ever Imagined

In the distant past -- a couple hours ago? -- we saw on the Tweeter that utter douche Paul Ryan had done some stupid photo-op at a soup kitchen where breakfast had already been served and the dishes already...