Tag: 2011

Omarosa Can’t Wait For Best Buddy Donald Trump To Become Next Hitler

If this isn't enough to make you vote against Trump, then nothing is.

2012: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy As the Human World Breaks Apart

The modern idea that human civilization would collapse in 2012 supposedly goes back to another overextended American empire on its last legs, that of the Maya. But like so much wrong thinking now popular in today's United States, this...

Everything Must Go! Iraq War Joins 2011’s List of Worn-Out Evil Things

Our latest War Against Iraq is over, did you hear? The NYT home page helpfully put the years of the war in the headline, like you might for an obituary of Amy Winehouse or Dick Cheney: 2003-2011. That's a...

Turkey In Wholesome American Guts: Thanksgiving Prayer 2011

We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs back in 2006. And something weird has happened in the years since. The deadpan list of Bloody American Triumphs sounds less like sarcasm in our Terrible Year of the...

Racial Stereotypes Would Like To Send ‘Fellow Minority’ To Congress

Here is Democrat Dan Adler of California, who is releasing a series of ridiculous Web ads these days to bring attention to his run for Jane Harman's seat in Congress. It's working, because this ad seems a little offensive!...

Rahm Mayor

Rahm Emanuel, the former chief of staff to President Barack Obama, won the Chicago mayoral election Tuesday, topping the 50% threshold to avoid a run-off vote, CNN projects. Bye fucker.

People of Chicago Allowed To Vote For Their Favorite Insider Rahm Again

WHAT ARE STATE LINES OTHER THAN AN ARBITRARY CONTRIVANCE OF AN IMPERFECT HUMANITY? Rahm Emanuel’s bid to become mayor of this city may proceed, the Illinois Supreme Court ruled on Thursday. Well, there you have it. Perhaps this is the last...

Rahm Emanuel Still Running For Job He Can’t Have

And so, even as printing of the city’s ballots was set to begin immediately at the Chicago Board of Elections (early voting is to start next Monday), all eyes were turning to the Illinois Supreme Court. The court –...

Rahm Emanuel Kicked Off Chicago Ballot By F*cking Appellate Court

Though he is currently leading landslidingly in the polls, Rahm Emanuel is no longer eligible to run for mayor of Chicago, because an appellate court ruled 2-1 that he did not meet residency requirements because he did not, you...

Mike Huckabee Can’t Wait Till Xmas 2011!

How many days until Christmas? Just 358 days! Oh man, next Xmas is gonna punish, especially if we get Mike Huckabee's dream gift, which is a box of 1,000 copies of his Xmas book, signed by Jesus and pooped...

Happy New Year, Washington (Be Nice To Your Liver!)

Because everyone spent 2010 impoverished and hungry, watching luscious BP oil spill into the Gulf and belittling America by enjoying a sport loved by Latinos, New Year's festivities this year may be a little less exciting. But as 2010 could very well...

Make the Most Out of 2011 Before It All Goes to Hell

Thanks to all the limbless gay soldiers, 2011 could very well be the last full year our great earth exists. It's a shame, really, considering how much we've invested in soldiers (even the gay ones) over the years. It’s...

Roland Burris To Be the Best Mayor of Chicago Ever

Supporters of Roland W. Burris, who is packing up his United States Senate office this week to come home to Chicago, have filed the necessary paperwork so that he may seek the city’s top job. Mr. Burris, who was...

Stilted Rahm Goes Entire Announcement Video Without Swears

Yes, he lets off a "gangbanger," but where is the passionate Rahm Emanuel in this announcement video, the one with all the swears? Rahm asks people to talk to him in "blunt Chicago terms," but he won't do that...

Democracy’s Angry Friend Rahm Emanuel Officially Leaving Tomorrow

So will we have to keep talking about it when it happens? Sources say Emanuel will be replaced at least temporarily by Pete Rouse, an Obama adviser and veteran Hill staffer. The Associated Press reports that Emanuel will return to Chicago...

Rahm Emanuel Is Going To Be the President Obama Of Chicago

Chicago Mayor Richard Daley said today that he won't run for re-election in 2011. But wait, the blogosphere remembered, doesn't Rahm Emanuel want that job? DRUDGE SIRENS! "I would like to run for the mayor of the city of...