2011
2012: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy As the Human World Breaks Apart
The modern idea that human civilization would collapse in 2012 supposedly goes back to another overextended American empire on its last legs, that of the Maya. But like so much wrong thinking now popular in today’s United States, this concept made its first impression on the nation’s nervous consciousness through the teevee screen. In Search [...]
Everything Must Go! Iraq War Joins 2011′s List of Worn-Out Evil Things
Our latest War Against Iraq is over, did you hear? The NYT home page helpfully put the years of the war in the headline, like you might for an obituary of Amy Winehouse or Dick Cheney: 2003-2011. That’s a long war, even compared to wars we supposedly won, like World War II. (Not quite as [...]
Turkey In Wholesome American Guts: Thanksgiving Prayer 2011
We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs back in 2006. And something weird has happened in the years since. The deadpan list of Bloody American Triumphs sounds less like sarcasm in our Terrible Year of the Lord 2010 2011, and more like an elegy.
Racial Stereotypes Would Like To Send ‘Fellow Minority’ To Congress
Here is Democrat Dan Adler of California, who is releasing a series of ridiculous Web ads these days to bring attention to his run for Jane Harman’s seat in Congress. It’s working, because this ad seems a little offensive! Not that it’s wrong to have a thick accent and work in a laundromat if you [...]
Rahm Mayor
Rahm Emanuel, the former chief of staff to President Barack Obama, won the Chicago mayoral election Tuesday, topping the 50% threshold to avoid a run-off vote, CNN projects. Bye fucker. [CNN]
People of Chicago Allowed To Vote For Their Favorite Insider Rahm Again
WHAT ARE STATE LINES OTHER THAN AN ARBITRARY CONTRIVANCE OF AN IMPERFECT HUMANITY? Rahm Emanuel’s bid to become mayor of this city may proceed, the Illinois Supreme Court ruled on Thursday. Well, there you have it. Perhaps this is the last Rahm post we’ll ever have to do until he becomes a boring mayor and [...]
Rahm Emanuel Still Running For Job He Can’t Have
And so, even as printing of the city’s ballots was set to begin immediately at the Chicago Board of Elections (early voting is to start next Monday), all eyes were turning to the Illinois Supreme Court. The court – made up of four Democrats and three Republicans – may consider Mr. Emanuel’s request for an [...]
Rahm Emanuel Kicked Off Chicago Ballot By F*cking Appellate Court
Though he is currently leading landslidingly in the polls, Rahm Emanuel is no longer eligible to run for mayor of Chicago, because an appellate court ruled 2-1 that he did not meet residency requirements because he did not, you know, reside there. This will be appealed to the Illinois Supreme Court, of course, which hopefully [...]
Mike Huckabee Can’t Wait Till Xmas 2011!
How many days until Christmas? Just 358 days! Oh man, next Xmas is gonna punish, especially if we get Mike Huckabee’s dream gift, which is a box of 1,000 copies of his Xmas book, signed by Jesus and pooped out by reindeer over Iowa. Thanks to “Kevin H.” for the funny bookstore picture.
Happy New Year, Washington (Be Nice To Your Liver!)
Because everyone spent 2010 impoverished and hungry, watching luscious BP oil spill into the Gulf and belittling America by enjoying a sport loved by Latinos, New Year’s festivities this year may be a little less exciting. But as 2010 could very well be the last year America can even afford to have its own New Year’s celebration, there’s no [...]
Make the Most Out of 2011 Before It All Goes to Hell
Thanks to all the limbless gay soldiers, 2011 could very well be the last full year our great earth exists. It’s a shame, really, considering how much we’ve invested in soldiers (even the gay ones) over the years. It’s also the year when D.C. will become One and we’ll have to say goodbye to dedicated bike [...]
Roland Burris To Be the Best Mayor of Chicago Ever
Supporters of Roland W. Burris, who is packing up his United States Senate office this week to come home to Chicago, have filed the necessary paperwork so that he may seek the city’s top job. [...] Mr. Burris, who was appointed to finish the senate term of Barack Obama, was approached this fall, his aides [...]
Stilted Rahm Goes Entire Announcement Video Without Swears
Yes, he lets off a “gangbanger,” but where is the passionate Rahm Emanuel in this announcement video, the one with all the swears? Rahm asks people to talk to him in “blunt Chicago terms,” but he won’t do that himself? Sure, we expect him to temper his rhetoric for the new electorate, but that only [...]
Democracy’s Angry Friend Rahm Emanuel Officially Leaving Tomorrow
So will we have to keep talking about it when it happens? Sources say Emanuel will be replaced at least temporarily by Pete Rouse, an Obama adviser and veteran Hill staffer. The Associated Press reports that Emanuel will return to Chicago over the weekend and begin touring neighborhoods on Monday, according to sources familiar with [...]
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