Tag: 2010

Christine O’Donnell: FBI Is Under Spell of Evil Warlock Joe Biden

Christine O'Donnell has put out a press release about her investigation by the FBI for misuse of her campaign funds, spent on personal expenses and a hovel-condo where she cooked lost children, presumably. Somehow, the press has not taken...

FBI To Put Christine O’Donnell In Azkaban For Campaign Fraud

An anonymous source has told AP that perennial Senate witch Christine O'Donnell is under investigation by the FBI for campaign fraud. Which is too bad, because the entire news media would like to high-five this source right now. So...

The Year In Lovable Crazy Longshot Midterm Candidates

This year, we saw some stellar legitimate candidates for Congress who were crazy and won their party's nomination, such as Sharron Angle and Christine O'Donnell. But there were also some other, more mentally unstable longshot candidates. These candidates brought...

Evil White Substance Invades East Coast But Spares D.C. Cute Panic

Around this time last year, an HISTORIC EVENT that could "only" be described by the adorable moniker "SNOWPOCALYPSE" destroyed our nation's capital, forever. Yesterday, a similar event occured in the Northeast, where such a thing is known as a...

Wonkette Senate Obstruction Trading Cards Will Ruin Your Child’s Christmas

As we look back on the 111th Congress, we will remember two things: a mediocre (but actually successful!) health care bill and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots...

Wonkette’s Best Ever Cyber Friday 2010 War On Xmas Gift Guide

Did you think we'd forget? With just eight days of Xmas Shopping before the Big Day when you go in the bathroom and shoot yourself because you can't afford presents, again, this Christmas Holiday Season is shaping up to...

Crying John Boehner Wants You To Stop Saying He Tans

America's single greatest achievement, John Boehner, was interviewed on last night's 60 Minutes, and, thanks to his stage mom standing off camera, yelling at him to cry on cue, he didn't disappoint. "I've never been in a tanning salon...

Now That Nobody Cares & Obama Is Republican, Dem Wins Last House Race

Hooray for the Democrats! Congressman Tim Bishop (D-NY) finally defeated his Republican challenger, some guy. This means the GOP only has 242 seats in the House, and the Democrats have 193. According to Senate rules established last year, 242...

Christine O’Donnell To Bless America With Insightful (Hilarious) Book

If we're reading this correctly, the 2010 midterm elections just signed a book deal! Congrats, midterms! You deserve it. O’Donnell’s book will take the reader behind the scenes of her race for the Senate, and embody O’Donnell’s identification with...

House GOP Ends Climate-Change Committee Because It’s Not Real

Because Republicans won a majority in the House in the 2010 elections, climate change no longer exists. Hooray! Jim Sensenbrenner announced that Republicans will be getting rid of the Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming when they...

Joe Barton Sent Around This Dumb PowerPoint To Republicans

Republican caucus! Republican caucus! Look what Joe Barton made! He put together a slideshow about how he will be the best Energy and Commerce chairman ever. He worked really hard on it, as you can see from the slide...

Adorable Earmark-Ban Vote Fails Miserably

The Senate on Tuesday morning defeated a proposal from Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) to ban congressional earmarks. In a 39-56 vote, members defeated a temporary ban on the appropriations procedure. The moratorium was offered as an amendment to a food-safety...

John Boehner, Mitch McConnell Will Tell Americans What They Want

Americans have no idea what they want, having given their nation's leaders no clear mandate for what to do the next few years. So Republicans, as always, will be around to tell Americans what they want. John Boehner and...

Congress Freshmen Going To Sleep In Their Offices, Pretend They’re Not Insiders

Cool story, WaSteJo: Rep.-elect Tim Griffin, an Army reservist, stood near the gym in the Rayburn House Office Building and used some compass software on his phone to navigate the paths to potential offices. "We want to get as close to...

David Broder Thinks Lisa Murkowski Should Be President Or Something

"I think that's what voters are looking for. I don't think that most are looking for somebody that is going to follow the litmus test of one party or another, and never deviate from it. I think they want...

Nancy Pelosi Doesn’t Understand Why John Boehner Cries So Much

Nancy Pelosi did an interview with Sunday's The New York Times Magazine in which she let America know that she was not put on the cover of a different, money-hemorrhaging magazine (Time) when she became House speaker. But John...