2010

It was a magical year with magical moments, such as this “live mic” (and live camera) recording of vulgar gazillionaire Carly Fiorina running for Barbara Boxer’s Senate seat based on such insights as “Barbara Boxer’s hair is stupid.” In this short video clip, on a single morning in America (June 10, 2010), Carly lost all […]

Christine O’Donnell has put out a press release about her investigation by the FBI for misuse of her campaign funds, spent on personal expenses and a hovel-condo where she cooked lost children, presumably. Somehow, the press has not taken this statement and immediately reprinted the important facts it has brought to light. “So given that […]

An anonymous source has told AP that perennial Senate witch Christine O’Donnell is under investigation by the FBI for campaign fraud. Which is too bad, because the entire news media would like to high-five this source right now. So how did the crack FBI team figure out that O’Donnell was “using campaign money to pay […]

This year, we saw some stellar legitimate candidates for Congress who were crazy and won their party’s nomination, such as Sharron Angle and Christine O’Donnell. But there were also some other, more mentally unstable longshot candidates. These candidates brought interesting new personalities and ideas to the fore, such as the notion of traffic-stop slavery, that […]

Around this time last year, an HISTORIC EVENT that could “only” be described by the adorable moniker “SNOWPOCALYPSE” destroyed our nation’s capital, forever. Yesterday, a similar event occured in the Northeast, where such a thing is known as a “blizzard” or “above-average snowfall.” These northeasterners, strangely, did not immediately kill themselves so as not to […]

As we look back on the 111th Congress, we will remember two things: a mediocre (but actually successful!) health care bill and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and a bit and lots of Republican obstructionism. To mark the end […]

Did you think we’d forget? With just eight days of Xmas Shopping before the Big Day when you go in the bathroom and shoot yourself because you can’t afford presents, again, this Christmas Holiday Season is shaping up to be the best ever! And we’ve got a very special selection of gift ideas to prove […]

America’s single greatest achievement, John Boehner, was interviewed on last night’s 60 Minutes, and, thanks to his stage mom standing off camera, yelling at him to cry on cue, he didn’t disappoint. “I’ve never been in a tanning salon in my life, I’ve never used a tanning product in my life,” he said, his tears […]

Hooray for the Democrats! Congressman Tim Bishop (D-NY) finally defeated his Republican challenger, some guy. This means the GOP only has 242 seats in the House, and the Democrats have 193. According to Senate rules established last year, 242 isn’t really a solid majority over 193, so the Democrats control the House of Representatives. Unfortunately, […]

If we’re reading this correctly, the 2010 midterm elections just signed a book deal! Congrats, midterms! You deserve it.

Because Republicans won a majority in the House in the 2010 elections, climate change no longer exists. Hooray! Jim Sensenbrenner announced that Republicans will be getting rid of the Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming when they take over, so it held its last hearing today so everyone could sign each other’s climate-change […]

Republican caucus! Republican caucus! Look what Joe Barton made! He put together a slideshow about how he will be the best Energy and Commerce chairman ever. He worked really hard on it, as you can see from the slide above comparing the denying of access to health care to being the good guys in World […]

The Senate on Tuesday morning defeated a proposal from Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) to ban congressional earmarks. In a 39-56 vote, members defeated a temporary ban on the appropriations procedure. The moratorium was offered as an amendment to a food-safety bill that is scheduled for a final vote Tuesday morning. That’s cute. Even the ban […]

Americans have no idea what they want, having given their nation’s leaders no clear mandate for what to do the next few years. So Republicans, as always, will be around to tell Americans what they want. John Boehner and Mitch McConnell are meeting with Barack Obama today to tell him this, and they also put […]

Cool story, WaSteJo: Rep.-elect Tim Griffin, an Army reservist, stood near the gym in the Rayburn House Office Building and used some compass software on his phone to navigate the paths to potential offices. “We want to get as close to Rayburn as possible,” Mr. Griffin, an Arkansas Republican, told an aide. “I’ve got to […]