Look everyone, Red State’s Erick Erickson is trying to pilfer more money from Amazon.com, with gimmicks! (ERICK HOW CAN WE DO THIS TOO?) MORE »

A massive Battle for the Ages is quickly developing in the Arkansas democratic primary for Senate, where Serious Centrist Blanche Lincoln now has a legitimate primary challenger in Lt. Gov. Bill Halter. Halter is getting billions, if not millions, from the so-called Internet communists The Netroots, who hate ladies. MORE »

A new ray of prospective 2010 election fun came shining down Tuesday night: a LaRouchie birther named Kesha Rogers will now reclaim Dracula Cunt’s Texas congressional seat for America’s Democrats, after winning a primary against perhaps a wooden stool or some wilted lettuce. She has many thoughts about the British. Oh ho ho! MORE »

CAN’T EVEN HANDLE THIS NEWS: “Under intense pressure from Democratic Party officials, Harold E. Ford Jr., the former Tennessee congressman, has decided not to challenge Sen. Kirsten E. Gillibrand in the primary this fall, according to two people told of his plans.” This is just an extreme disappointment for comedy, one for which there is no comprehensive one-liner at the moment. [NYT]

This is the best that friend-to-nice-ladies David Paterson could come up with, explaining why he decided to exit the New York governor’s race: “It has become increasingly clear to me in the last few days that I cannot run for office and try to manage the state’s business at the same time.” He has a point — can you imagine any incumbent elected official trying to run again, for the same office, while still on the job? A “re”-election campaign, we would likely call this frantic dystopian circus. HOW WOULD YOU SPLIT UP THE TIME! [YouTube]

Yes he is a terrible monster, but really? Seriously? Seriously is this actually literal? “Bayh made the decision not to run on Friday, telling a small group of senior staff, but he did not tell President Obama or Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid until today. His aides say he had been struggling with the decision for months, but Democrats in the Senate seemed to have no clue. Many said his decision caught them completely by surprise.” Aww. MORE »

Did you like voting for Vice President Dan Quayle the two times that you did that? Do you stare longingly at your framed, gold-bordered “QUAYLE ‘00″ sign, one of only four such signs that wasn’t trashed and buried, in shame, by mid-1999? Do you masturbate to freaking Dan Quayle? Well guess what, now he’s got some son or another out in Arizona who’s running for wacky old John Shadegg’s seat: “[Ben] Quayle, a lawyer and principal at a local venture capital firm, has lived in the Phoenix area for about four years.” Hey, that’s five more years than John McCain had when his second wife’s father rented him that Arizona congressional seat he owned. Ben Quayle is the new John McCain! All hail Ben Quayle! Son of… (who was it again?)… son of Dan Quayle! [Ben Smith]

Here is Democratic Illinois lieutenant governor nominee Scott Lee Cohen, of steroids, prosititutes, knife-cutting, knife-cutting prostitutes while on steroids, etc etc, fame, res… HE’S RESIGNING? He can’t resign — we just ordered three more shipments! Crybabies. [YouTube]

Former weekend sportscaster Sarah Palin, the President of Money, has allegedly endorsed the actual Son of God & Allah combined, Rand Paul, for his Kentucky senate GOP primary. Rand Paul announced this endorsement on his website and noted that her PAC has given him a monkey-buttload of cash. Hmm… does Sarah Palin know about Rand Paul’s foreign policy? That he wants to end our war on Saddam Hussein and 9/11? Or perhaps he’s sold out on that Unserious position by now, because, you know, “Kentucky.” In any event, Ben Smith adds, “Paul is claiming the endorsement, but worth noting that we haven’t had a statement from Palin yet.” Since when do endorsers actually have to endorse people, Ben? [Rand Paul via Ben Smith]

It’s 2010’s “Macaca Moment,” in which the insane Tennessee monster Harold Ford Junior calls Kirsten Gillibrand a “parakeet,” an East Indian slur against white women and how they have vaginas. Kirsten Gillibrand “fired back on Twitter,” wanting alllll of New York to know that she will not suffer this puerile attack on women! MORE »

Norm Coleman is just weird: “MINNEAPOLIS - Former Minnesota Sen. Norm Coleman says his family voted 3-1 against him running for governor, so he will not join the race.” Thanks for the final tally, Norm. Glad to know democracy is still practiced in some households these days, like when a father can’t make up his mind about whether to seek employment. SO WHAT’S INSIDE THESE NUMBERS? MORE »

• NEXT LOSS, NEW YORK! Here’s the latest news on the next insanely safe seat that the Democrats will almost certainly lose: a new poll finds that “more voters now have an unfavorable view of Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) than have a favorable view.” And yet she’s leading Harold Ford Junior, 41% to 17%! It looks like you’ve “tested the waters” pretty thoroughly, Harold Ford. But please run, anyway? Just think of how funny it would be, watching this fraud from Tennessee who made millions of dollars in Merrill Lynch bonuses have the audacity to run for national political office in New York. [Political Wire]

BELOVED ARIZONA CONGRESSMAN RETIRING: Arizona Congressman John Shadegg, one of the House’s top super-crazies, will not seek re-election for his stupid seat. This brings the total number of Republican retirements in Congress to 14, which you may not have known, since all the news tells us is that every Democrat is retiring because they have fucked things up so badly. [WP/The Fix]