Glenn Beck’s wingnut bitch, Doug Hoffman, the Conservative Party’s losing candidate in the NY-23 special election several weeks ago (remember that whole thing??), is so clueless about his current station in life that he has “unconceded” defeat to Democrat Bill Owens, who was sworn into the House on November 6 — just in time for a health care vote! He was losing by 5,000 until some late ballots were counted a few days ago, which brought the margin down to about 3,000. And yeah, sure, maybe Al Gore famously unconceded to George Bush Junior in 2000, BUT LIKE AN HOUR AFTER CONCEDING, JESUS. About 10,000 absentee ballots remain, and Hoffman has like a 0.2% chance of winning. It was Glenn Beck who ordered him to unconcede, which makes sense, because Doug Hoffman is Glenn Beck’s wingnut bitch. [The Hill]

Uhhh… so let’s melt Olympia Snowe again? [RedState]

Glenn Beck’s wingnut bitch is still, shockingly, losing in the famous NY-23 race — and this after a real-life campaign appearance from Fred Thompson and his trophy wife! Ha ha ha it is 49% to 46%, Owens over Hoffman, with 78% or so of precincts reporting. MORE »

Here is a photograph of New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine’s greatest accomplishment in the last four years, when he crashed his car. Between his two runs, Jon Corzine has spent approximately $700 million of his own money trying to win one of the least desirable jobs in politics: the guy who has to raise taxes on a populace of constipated slobs who can’t even pump their own gas, by law. Will he luck out and lose tonight to the very fat Chris Christie? The television will tell us. MORE »

That’s Jefferson Davis, in the picture! Nearly 150 years ago, Jefferson Davis moved to Richmond, Virginia to become the first president of a new country where slaves could still pick the cotton, and indigo. Davis’ run came to an end eight years ago, when Democrat Mark Warner stole Davis’ Richmond mansion and all of its slaves. Democrat Tim Kaine did the same to Mark Warner four years later. But now it is Republican Bob McDonnell’s turn to take the mansion and slaves back from the liberals, the end. Polls close in a few minutes! Wolf Blitzer says he is “so excited,” oh ho ho… MORE »

It has been some time since we used to liveblog election results every single Tuesday for months at a time, so let’s do it tonight, on “Election Day 2009,” which has brought about as much excitement and suspense as the May 3, 2008 Democratic primary in Guam. The powers-that-be, like dicks, have constructed a system in which Virginia polls close at 7:00, New Jersey polls close at 8:00, and New York polls close at 9:00. We will start here at 6:45ish and just cold motherfuckin’ type all night long. CNN has definitely issued a release promising NINE MILLION ANALYSTS for its panel tonight, and you cannot miss any of them! Now go stock up on alcohol & guns and return for ridiculous insanity-typing that, we promise, will only be tangentially related to politics.

We all know that the ACORN organization — which has nothing better to do — is actively trying to steal the NY-23 special election from God’s candidate, Doug Hoffman, and give it to a randomly selected black aborted fetus on welfare, so it should come as no surprise that certain “local Democratic officials” (ACORN thugs) are calling the cops on Hoffman supporters outside polling locations for all sorts of ginned-up charges, as part of its ACORN Fear Campaign. MORE »

Here is a clip from today’s White House press briefing, in which the hairiest man alive grills Robert Gibbs: what do you think your perception of the perception of the political perception of current political politics will be if political things happen for Democrats or Republicans in the political governors’ races in Virginia and New Jersey? Will Obama ultimately win or lose today in the politicals of political off-year politics but then something something 2010 win lose draw? Is Obama’s a failed presidency because of stuff? [YouTube]

• THE MOST ANNOYING PROSPECT FOR TOMORROW AND ITS AFTERMATH: It’s not that Republicans could win two governorships in a miserable atmosphere for incumbents/incumbent parties that have had to make tough state budget decisions in the last year, or that strange circumstances in NY-23 are handing that seat to some wingnut unaffiliated with either major party — it’s the gloating we’ll have to endure as the media constructs its latest “GOP comeback” narrative: “A Republican sweep of the races the media has chosen to focus on (there’s another House special in California that Dems are almost certain to win) will doubtless be spun as a rebuke of President Barack Obama and his ‘liberal’ governing agenda.” [MoJo Blog]

See what’s going on above? That would be Bob McDonnell crushing the dickens out of Creigh Deeds, in Virginia. Fine, go ahead, win tomorrow, anything to get these dreadful four-per-commercial-break ads (”I will fix the roads” “No I will fix the roads” “You hate women” “I will fix the women and roads,” etc. ) off the air. And how has McDonnell built up such a lead? By not accepting any of Sarah Palin’s offers to campaign with him, for one! This will not stop egomaniacal Sarah Palin from secretly campaigning for McDonnell through a third party, however. Just Sarah bein’ Sarah! MORE »

Holy baloney, the “2009 Elections” are in less than a week! QUICK BRIEFING: Bloomberg will win, McDonnell will win, New Jersey is a toss-up, the end. The only issue that matters in the New Jersey governor’s race right now is about how astonishingly fat Republican candidate Chris Christie is and whether his insatiable, non-stop search for food will ever get so dire that he resorts to eating New Jersey children, en masse, from a Frito’s bag. His opponent Jon Corzine has been suggesting this as a possibility, and has risen in polls accordingly. Chris Christie is very sensitive about this, so he challenged Corzine to an honesty contest this morning on whatever new thing Don Imus is hosting. MORE »