Let’s see, Oscar nominations, who cares … oh look, nominations for the 2009 Bloggies are out, and whoa, jesus christ, your Wonkette is nominated for Best Weblog About Politics, Most Humorous Weblog and Best Group Weblog. Yikes! Thank you, good peoples, for nominating us, for these magical invisible trophies. MORE »

WONKETTE COMPLETELY ENDORSES THIS 50 WORST MONSTERS LIST: The Buffalo Beast is known for these crushing obituaries of terrible living Americans, and the 2009 edition is built to please/enrage. The 50th, least offensive spot is reserved for your own pretend boyfriend, Barack Obama. Why? To give the list integrity. Anyway, go read this thing, and click the ads and such. [Buffalo Beast]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the far-off futuristic year 2009! Though the rapidly aging 21st century has repeatedly failed to deliver on its promises — flying cars, domed cities on the moon and ocean floor, universal peace supervised by a one-world government, shiny jumpsuit-based couture, sex robots — we still begin each new year with a big dose of Hope! Except this one, obviously, because we’re all fucked. So, in our grand tradition of doing Christmas-themed Cartoon Violences a day after Christmas, enjoy this January 2nd meditation on how the new year will kill us all. MORE »

A nut in a World War II Nazi military uniform aims his bayonet-tipped rifle at Seattle cops and is shot dead. A distraught guy fires a gun in the air from his garage and three Los Angeles police cut him down. An angry old Colorado ski bum plots an epic four-pronged terror attack on the rich people of Aspen, but he shoots himself in his Jeep Cherokee before detonating the four bombs. Across the country, wrecked Americans chose to go completely insane on New Year’s. Welcome to 2009. It’s going to be awful. MORE »

The January 20 four-million Obamatard march, otherwise known as “Inauguration Day,” will combine the fun of being stranded outside during an ice storm with the excitement of being killed by the homeless or maybe the Army as Barack Obama is safely sworn in at a secure, warm location with plenty of fancy food and cocktails. And because it’s all happening in Washington, D.C., you can bet the public services and coordination will be top-notch! MORE »

He has apparently signed the papers necessary to run for governor of Virginia in 2009. And you people worried that there would be no more jokes in America after Obama got elected! Thanks to McAuliffe-watcher Ellie for this important info. [BNO News Twitter]

The new president will get a very special gift from the George W. Bush Administration next year: an all-time record deficit of $490 billion American dollars, or “nine Euros.” Before Bush took office in 2001 — and we do mean “took,” har har! — the federal budget deficit didn’t exist, but there was a surplus of $230 billion in the budget. [Bloomberg]

ELITIST PRESIDENT OBAMA HATES MOVIES? The Oscar ® Movie Awards nominees are always announced on January 20, of every year. But the next president of the United States doesn’t seem to care about America’s love affair with the Silver Screen, because January 20 is also when the next prez will be sworn in. So now the movies won’t be announced until, uh, two days later. [LAT Top of the Ticket]

Katie Couric, having delivered the losingest ratings ever for two proud years at CBS Evening News, may leave after President McCain’s inauguration early next year. This would be far ahead of her scheduled departure date in 2011, but not a moment too soon for many aggrieved Bob Schieffer fans. [WSJ]

U.S. President George W. Bush has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for “fighting terrorism and promoting world peace,” according to a BBC News report. Bush has successfully promoted peace and democracy in many terrorist nations, including Iraq and Afghanistan, while making Americans safer and more prosperous at home. MORE »

Guess what, everybody? George W. Bush will be replaced by somebody (or some thing) one year from today! If that makes you happy, remember that Bush’s first year in office wasn’t exactly calm & quiet. Between January 20, 2001 and January 20, 2002, the following horrors were visited upon this Nation: MORE »