Wonkette

Gary Dodds was running for Congress in New Hampshire in 2006 when, out of nowhere, he became the saddest person in the history of the world. His campaign was low on funds, he had already spent double what he told his wife he’d spend, he’d taken out two mortgages (for renovations, mostly). He was broke and desperate. That’s when he “disappeared” after a car crash in the snowy woods and was rescued 27 hours later, making him a Common Man and bringing in “campaign” cash. Earlier this year, he was convicted in court of making this up — that he faked his own disappearance. And now he’s been arrested again for violating bail conditions. This person’s life makes us all want to drink, a lot. MORE »

According to the Stamford Advocate, an FBI investigation has concluded that the notorious crash of Joe2006.com, Joe Lieberman’s glorious Web site, the day before his August 2006 primary loss to actual Democrat Ned Lamont was caused by Joe Lieberman’s campaign. When will Joe Lieberman apologize to Joe Lieberman for these dirty tricks? MORE »

The divorce gossip is basically true! Halfway through a disastrous scandal-ridden first (possibly fictional) term as Nevada’s governor, rat-eyed corrupt paranoid-schizophrenic alcoholic cocktail-waitress-assaulting Jim Gibbons is having a “family meeting” this weekend to make a divorce deal with Dawn Gibbons, his long-suffering yet power-mad wife. This is according to the Reno Gazette Journal, quoting Gibbons’ own office. Congratulations, Dawn! Maybe your settlement will include that briefcase full of bribe money and poker chips the lobbyists brought you on the cruise ship!

Future of Gibbons marriage uncertain [RGJ]

During our most sordid American midterm campaign, Congressman Jim Gibbons brought important attention to his bid for the governorship of Nevada by getting caught in some sleazy Vegas scene where he allegedly tried to drag a cocktail waitress back to his hotel room and then pretty much threatened to dump her corpse in the desert if she complained. Oh, Jim Gibbons, we have missed your stupid antics. Your nice wife Dawn Gibbons? Not so much. We hear she had divorce papers delivered to you Wednesday. MORE »

Remember Karl Rove? He was kind of a big deal for the Republican Party, and used to live in the White House with George W. Bush, but then 2006 happened and Iraq happened and it was pretty clear that the current year, 2008, was going to happen. So Karl packed his hobo bindle and hit the road. That road ended at the Fox News studios. Rove is boring, of course, but it is kind of funny to hear him pretending to advise John McCain’s campaign. [Fox News]

GOOD-BYE, CROOK! Dirty little Congressman John Doolittle is retiring from the House, GOP spies said today. But you can’t retire from being the target of a massive corruption investigation! [AP/Yahoo]

He was our greatest governor (of Virginia) and our greatest American senator. He loved the Confederate Flag, holding footballs, and terrorizing the Negroes. Also, he was photographed astride a horse, so he was obviously the new Ronald Reagan and was supposed to have an easy ride to the White House this year. But this legacy of greatness was destroyed by idiot liberals who had to make a big deal of his casual racism.

And now George Allen is refusing to run for governor again next year. Thanks a lot, jerk. What are we supposed to write about in ‘09 now?

Allen Won’t Run For Va. Governor [Washington Post]

Congressman John Doolittle of California — Tom DeLay’s scumbag buddy who took a bunch of dirty money from Jack Abramoff — might be wussing out after all. Doolittle’s chief of staff denies it, but the re-election campaign is already almost broke and he nearly lost his 4th District “safe seat” in the ‘06 midterms that swept away his crooked sweetheart Richard Pombo, from California’s 11th District. [TPM Muckraker, Politico, OpenSecrets]

The GOP primary’s great white hope, Hollywood Fred Thompson, is either purposefully trying to derail his campaign before Halloween so he can lazily enjoy the winter holidays, or he’s so Reaganesque that he’s going senile before the election. Nothing else could explain his bizarre tone-deaf response to questions about the southern conservative primary voter’s own personal version of the Crucifixion story: the tragic removal of Terry Schiavo’s feeding tube two years ago. MORE »

There’s great news for America: The federal deficit has finally fallen back to early-2002 levels, meaning things are now only as bad as they were immediately after 9/11. Why the not-so-bad news? The surge, obviously:

The federal deficit has improved significantly in the first three months of the new budget year, helped by a continued surge in tax revenues.

The actual good news is that federal spending “only” went up by 0.7% over last year — and that’s because Congress spent much of 2006 imploding from one bribery or sex scandal after another. Let’s hope for more of the same in 2007. MORE »