Desperate, broke grad students, have we got a deal for you: with a few minor adjustments, you can turn your dissertation into a rich, engrossing history of the political career of million-term congressman Dick Gephardt and receive the prestigious Richard A. Gephardt Fellowship. From his first failed run for the Democratic presidential nomination (beaten by Michael Dukakis!) to his last failed run for the Democratic presidential nomination (beaten by John Kerry and Howard Dean!), his storied career is full of achievements not quite made and goals not quite reached. MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Rep. Robert Andrews (D-NJ) was heard discussing a money scandal involving Sen. Bob Menendez on a train to Jersey Thursday, before the story broke publicly. Quote: “”We are still reeling from Torricelli — third strike and you’re out.” It is suspected that Andews wishes to replace Menedez on the ballot for US Senate… “Missouri Sens. Jim Talent (R) and Kit Bond (R) introduced a bill on Thursday, S. 3867, to designate the new federal courthouse in Cape Girardeau, Mo., the ‘Rush L. Limbaugh Sr. Federal Courthouse,’” after the portly drug-addict’s lawyer grandfather. [Roll Call]
• Yeas and Nays: WUSA-9 morning anchor Mike Walter regrets describing the plane that hit the Pentagon as “like a cruise missile with wings.” [Examiner]
• Washington Whispers: John Kerry watched Croc Hunter Steve Irwin regularly in Iowa in ‘04, did impressions, lost election… Senator Tom Harkin wants our soldiers to wear socks made of corn. [USN&WR]
• Daily Dish: New York’s former medical examiner says Bill Clinton says he tried very, very hard to kill Osama bin Laden. [NYDN]

Check out the iTunes store’s front page and you’ll see something sure to bring a thrill to music lovers everywhere.

That’s right, Al Gore and Melissa Etheridge have finally teamed up to make an iTunes playlist! Take that, bunch of dead Beatles!

Enjoy the ex-veep’s mini-reviews — painstakingly re-typed because we can’t figure out how to cut-and-paste from the damned iTunes — after the jump. And just try to read them without hearing Gore’s voice droning deep within your skull.

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Cheney-enabling fearmonger Stephen Hayes will take some time off from writing White House propaganda for the Weekly Standard to write Dick Cheney’s “biography,” according to U.S. News & World Report.

Cheney’s bio will presumably be as full of VP propaganda and disinformation as another Hayes’ book, “The Connection: How al Qaeda’s Collaboration with Saddam Hussein Has Endangered America.”

The relationship works like this: Cheney releases “intelligence” to a friendly coconspirator, said coconspirator types it up for the Standard or WSJ or (in Judith’s case) the New York Times, and Cheney then quotes the article in question as justification for whatever batshit evil scheme he’s currently cooking up.

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John Kerry got his letter published (costly registration required) in today’s Wall Street Journal!

Our parents used to be totally proud of us when the local paper would print our letters. (”There are too many loose dogs around the playground.”)

Anyway, Kerry used a bunch of his inspirational lines from the ‘04 debates — “The 9/11 Commission’s recommendations to secure our most vulnerable infrastructure remain virtually ignored,” for example — in the letter, which seems to actually be about Ned Lamont. Kerry’s letter, after the jump ….

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• FEC decides to permit 527s to continue as is, meaning “even larger sums to be spent influencing races this year and in 2008.” [WP, NYT]
• Bush essentially had no choice but to join talks on Iran. [NYT, WP, W$J]
• Bush says he’s “troubled” by news of civilian killings in Haditha, Iraq: “If, in fact, the laws were broken, there will be punishment.” [NYT]
• Homeland Security Department cuts funding for Washington and New York while boosting support for mid-size cities. [WP, NYT]
• Sen. Hillary Clinton launches Senate campaign with broad swipes at the administration: “I believe that we need a fundamentally new direction. . . We are better than what is happening in America today.” [NYT]

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* Reliable Source: Rep. Patrick Kennedy receives six stitches in his lip after being accidentally struck in the head with a hammer. [WP]
* Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Teresa Heinz Kerry was reportedly restrained by a staffer so Edwards could reach Kerry first after his convention acceptance speech. [NYDN]
* Liz Smith: Fred Barnes wants Rice to replace Cheney, Senor to replace McClellan, and Rove to jump to the RNC. [NYP]
* Cindy Adams: Stylist Patricia Field does up Ari Fleischer. [NYP]

* Washington Whispers: Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy complains about making six figures: “We are patronized when we meet judges from England, the European Union, or Malaysia, whose salaries double that of ours. They say, ‘We’re so sorry about your salaries.’”. . . Kerry’s PAC has raised $1.1m in the past three months. . . Ted Kennedy is “pretty close” to Margaret Spellings. . . George Allen claims he cuts his own grass. [USN&WR]
* Inside Politics: Kerry says his biggest mistake was using federal financing after the convention: “I think the most important thing would have been to spend more money, if we could have, on the advertising and responding to some of the attacks.”. . . Boehner is optimistic for GOP chances in ‘06. [WT]
* Inside the Beltway: Joe Klein is re-releasing his book, “Politics Lost: How American Democracy was Trivialized by People Who Think You’re Stupid.” [WT]
* Liz Smith: Sandra Bernhard on the Bush twins: “You think those girls abstain?” [NYP]

* Names & Faces: Bono says he feels “exploited” by the use of his photo in campaign literature for Italy’s Silvio Berlusconi. [WP]
* Washington Whispers: Playboy and Penthouse are banned from State Department newsstands at the request of Condoleezza Rice. . . Josh Bolten recently cut work to watch a few Washington Nationals games. . . Fidel Castro could die within the next few years, American officials contend. . . Frank Luntz has a favorable view of Mark Warner. . . Rep. Nancy Pelosi misses the chocolate she gave up for lent. [USN&WR]
* Page Six: Site indicates Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ) may have kept a “love nest” with his former chief of staff. . . Jenna once woke Bush up and made him call her then-boyfriend Blake Gottesman after they fought. [NYP]
* Lloyd Groves’s Lowdown: Gore blames Bush for failures surrounding Katrina and 9/11 in the “green issue” of Vanity Fair. [NYDN]
* The Scoop: Susan Sarandon wants national elections to be monitored by a third party: “The last one was an embarrassment. Everybody knew there was fraud, but nothing was done about it.” [MSNBC]

• Reliable Source: Kerry flack David Wade on Kerry’s hotel request list: “Dick Cheney drinks Perrier and refuses to watch anything but Fox News. John Kerry hates Evian, eats meatloaf, and snacks on chocolate chip cookies. If these documents had been leaked during the campaign we’d have won in a landslide.”. . . Antonin Scalia makes “dismissive hand-flick-off-the-chin” gesture at a reporter. . . Patti LaBelle breaks down in D.C. . . Tom DeLay is banned from carrying a gun. [WP]
• Under the Dome: Sen. George Allen (R-Va.) got to yell “Start Your Engines” at NASCAR race. . . 72-year old Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) goes jogging at 5:30 in the morning. [The Hill]
• Cindy Adams: McCain has secured “commitments from governors, Senate colleagues, Bush moneymen who opposed him in 2000.” [NYP]

* Reliable Source: Alec Baldwin on lobbying: “I get a headache around these people. Committees! Budgets!”. . . Bush twins, with Henry Hager and Joshua Ginsberg, seen at Oyamel restaurant in Crystal City. . . Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.) spotted in coach. [WP]
* Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Teresa Heinz Kerry says her husband’s ‘04 loss was a “let down for the world.” She added, “I miss those guys, the Secret Service. We’re having a party for them in the garden this spring. The cowboys, someone else’s cowboys now.” [NYDN]