Wonkette

Here’s your beloved 2004 presidential loser John Kerry, enjoying a “B.J.” on the docks of Nantucket, where he encountered a “party boat” full of these gals, especially this one with the “penis straw” (for practice) and then this one with the “crotch shot.” All of this is on TMZ.com, of course, because John Kerry is the new whoever-they-write-about guy! MORE »

Cast your mind back to the days before Barack Obama was our President. Do you remember that time in 2004 when he ran for the Senate? And how his first opponent dropped out because the guy wanted to see his alien wife having sex in public? And then Alan Keyes threw his hat in the ring, giving the American public the gift of 86 days of unadulterated crazy? Good times! MORE »

*IT HURTS BUT I LIKE IT:* “Consumer advocate Ralph Nader said on Monday he will decide soon on whether to make a another bid for the White House in 2008, eight years after playing a key role as a third party presidential candidate.” It would be funny if he died. [Reuters/Yahoo]

So the FEC investigated Arlen Specter and it turns out he broke every single campaign finance rule. When he ran for re-election in 2004, Specter took a million dollars from people who had already maxed out, failed to report hundreds of thousands of dollars from PACs, and missed a reporting deadline before the primary. In his defense though, the rules are complicated and it’s not like the five-term senator has ever run for anything before. MORE »

So we were looking for this picture, again, and decided to google “George Bush Confused” and sure enough there’s like 2 million search results so we will pretty much click any YouTube link for anything and now we have this weird, kind of embarrassing moment from the 2004 campaign, maybe? Assuming he ever leaves the White House, we may one day look back in a sort of nostalgic fury and say, “Oh my fucking god do you remember when the president was an actual retard?”

Confused George Bush [YouTube]

Wesley Clark’s vague recollections of the 2004 presidential race reveal a sad, shell-shocked man who needs to seek help immediately. MORE »

Aussie PM John Howard is so determined to see every Muslim (and many thousands of Americans) killed in Iraq that he endorsed Bush over Kerry in 2004. But his love for Dubya goes beyond mere words. MORE »

Why is John Kerry so sad? Mark Leibovich — last seen devoting a couple hundred words to the terrible problem that is people talking about Paul Wolfowitz’s socks while there’s a war on — explores Senator Hangdog’s emotional state in the Times today, and comes to the revealing conclusion that it’s kinda depressing to be the biggest loser in a legislative body full of ‘em. MORE »

Are you caught in a “battering downward spiral of hate” and constantly harassed by Dick Cheney’s extortion robots and endless anal assaults? Are the termites for you or against you?

If all of this makes sense, you belong in Nadine’s World — sort of like Elmo’s World, if that beloved children’s muppet had been created by Philip K. Dick.

Nadine sends us e-mail, lots of e-mail. In these epistles — which also go to ABC News, the DoJ, Micheal Moore and the Huffington Post — she reveals a chilling underworld of robot sex dolls, a “Cheney Church,” political capital and smoke alarms that watch your every move. Join us after the jump for Chapter 7 of Nadine’s accidental novel.

MORE »

With 31% approval ratings, George W. Bush isn’t loved by any political group, especially the real conservatives. So who are those Bush loyalists who stand up for their boy year after disastrous year? Crazy people, that’s who. MORE »

Desperate, broke grad students, have we got a deal for you: with a few minor adjustments, you can turn your dissertation into a rich, engrossing history of the political career of million-term congressman Dick Gephardt and receive the prestigious Richard A. Gephardt Fellowship. From his first failed run for the Democratic presidential nomination (beaten by Michael Dukakis!) to his last failed run for the Democratic presidential nomination (beaten by John Kerry and Howard Dean!), his storied career is full of achievements not quite made and goals not quite reached. MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Rep. Robert Andrews (D-NJ) was heard discussing a money scandal involving Sen. Bob Menendez on a train to Jersey Thursday, before the story broke publicly. Quote: “”We are still reeling from Torricelli — third strike and you’re out.” It is suspected that Andews wishes to replace Menedez on the ballot for US Senate… “Missouri Sens. Jim Talent (R) and Kit Bond (R) introduced a bill on Thursday, S. 3867, to designate the new federal courthouse in Cape Girardeau, Mo., the ‘Rush L. Limbaugh Sr. Federal Courthouse,’” after the portly drug-addict’s lawyer grandfather. [Roll Call]
• Yeas and Nays: WUSA-9 morning anchor Mike Walter regrets describing the plane that hit the Pentagon as “like a cruise missile with wings.” [Examiner]
• Washington Whispers: John Kerry watched Croc Hunter Steve Irwin regularly in Iowa in ‘04, did impressions, lost election… Senator Tom Harkin wants our soldiers to wear socks made of corn. [USN&WR]
• Daily Dish: New York’s former medical examiner says Bill Clinton says he tried very, very hard to kill Osama bin Laden. [NYDN]

Check out the iTunes store’s front page and you’ll see something sure to bring a thrill to music lovers everywhere.

That’s right, Al Gore and Melissa Etheridge have finally teamed up to make an iTunes playlist! Take that, bunch of dead Beatles!

Enjoy the ex-veep’s mini-reviews — painstakingly re-typed because we can’t figure out how to cut-and-paste from the damned iTunes — after the jump. And just try to read them without hearing Gore’s voice droning deep within your skull.

MORE »