Tag Archives: 1

  Won't Somebody Think of the Billionaires?

Forbes’ Randroid Columnist Tells 99% To Stop Whining And Help The Rich Already

Tuesday of this week marked the second anniversary of that little thing in New York where all those dirty kids squatted on Wall Street to whine and complain about being poor because they are part of, like, 99% of the country, and unlike the 1% who own 40% of all the money. They seemed to think this was wrong or something and someone should be giving back. But fear not, useless rest of you, Forbes contributor Harry Binswanger has some important knowledge to drop on all your poor masses. You were right! Someone should be giving back! And it is you! It is “the community” that should give back to the wealth-creators. It turns out that the 99% get far more benefit from the 1% than vice-versa. Ayn Rand developed the idea of “the pyramid of ability,” which John Galt sets forth in Atlas Shrugged. Read more on Forbes’ Randroid Columnist Tells 99% To Stop Whining And Help The Rich Already…
  lurch vs. robot

John Kerry: Mitt Romney Is No John Kerry

Political pundit people have been enjoying the idea that Mitt Romney has a “John Kerry problem.” After all, both Romney and Kerry are rich white establishment politicians — just like most politicians, on Earth. Political pundits love easy comparisons like that. But John Kerry took a break from whatever he does these days to say he’s met John Kerry, and Mitt Romney is no John Kerry. “I didn’t have trouble connecting,” Kerry said at some elitist New York speaking engagement. “I almost won the presidency.” Mitt Romney couldn’t even win Iowa, jeez! Read more on John Kerry: Mitt Romney Is No John Kerry…
  whatever common people do

Mitt Romney Mocks Poor NASCAR Fans In Plastic Rain Ponchos

Now that Mitt Romney has barely managed to win his abandoned “home state” of Michigan, we can get back to marveling at his weird millionaire android interactions with the common folk who make up the Republican base. For example, Mitt also enjoys NASCAR race car crashes, because he visited that NASCAR track and made his hilarious comment about having “some great friends who are NASCAR team owners.” But then he turned into mean Mitt Romney, the vulture capitalist who openly mocks the working class. Approaching a group of poor people covered in cheap plastic rain ponchos to shield them from the deluge, Mitt laughed and said, “I like those fancy raincoats you bought. Really sprung for the big bucks.” Read more on Mitt Romney Mocks Poor NASCAR Fans In Plastic Rain Ponchos…
  new study proves it

Science Proves Rich People Are Generally Evil

Extremely wealthy people discard their own spouses and children as easily as they discard thousands of factory workers. They feel absolutely no guilt as they scheme and connive, and they will rip off other rich people in massive Ponzi schemes with as little feeling as they’ll rape their housekeepers. The rich strap their supposedly beloved family pets to the top of their expensive cars for days at a time, and find the animal’s resulting terror and diarrhea funny. The rich are different, that’s for sure — they lack morals. This is the not-so-surprising result of a study by scientific academic people at a university somewhere. Read more on Science Proves Rich People Are Generally Evil…
  he's just like us!

Mitt Romney Is NOT the 1% … Mitt Romney Is the Top 0.0025%

Important update regarding gazillionaire antichrist job killer Mitt Romney: It is wrong and unfair to say Willard is the 1%. Well, it’s not wrong, because of course Mitt Romney is part of the 1%. But it’s more accurate to call him “part of the top 0.0025%,” because that’s where he is, as far as the moneys go. Read more on Mitt Romney Is NOT the 1% … Mitt Romney Is the Top 0.0025%…
  occupy 2012

2012: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy As the Human World Breaks Apart

The modern idea that human civilization would collapse in 2012 supposedly goes back to another overextended American empire on its last legs, that of the Maya. But like so much wrong thinking now popular in today’s United States, this concept made its first impression on the nation’s nervous consciousness through the teevee screen. In Search Of, the syndicated paranormal program hosted by Leonard Nimoy, claimed that the Mesoamerican long count calendar came to an end on December 24, 2011. (That date has moved a year forward in today’s paranoid circles.) You are probably waiting for the “Ron Paul connection,” at this point, and it is this: According to Leonard Nimoy reading a script for a pseudoscience documentary series in 1977, the end of the Mayan calendar would bring a cataclysmic earthquake, the collapse of the dominant civilization, and the creation of an internationalist New World Order. Actual scholars of the ancient Mayan culture, however, believe the end of the calendar would bring not disaster, but a wonderful celebration. Who’s right? WHO WILL WIN? Read more on 2012: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy As the Human World Breaks Apart…
  #occupywalmart

Wal-Mart’s Billions and the Art Museum of Cruelty: A Christmas Carol

Here is a number we’ve seen bouncing around this week that really makes us want to fire up the old Yule Log, in the sense that the “Yule Log” is a tightly bound human centipede of the richest hundred humans in America, lit on fire: The six heirs to the Wal-Mart fortune have about $93 billion between them, more money and financial assets than the combined 100,000,000 Americans at the bottom of our crushing economic system. With half of all Americans now officially poor or “near poor” — which is somehow worse than plain poverty, as “near poor” means you don’t qualify for the minimal safety net this country generously offers some of its most desperate people — it is not a complete surprise that the rich must be very rich indeed these days. But the idea of six heirs to a corporate fortune built upon the destruction of American manufacturing, American small business and the American working class owning more than 30% of the entire nation, well that is the kind of thing that makes us think of Charles Dickens, and the holiday of abject misery and constant war against the impoverished called “Christmastime.” Read more on Wal-Mart’s Billions and the Art Museum of Cruelty: A Christmas Carol…
  9-9-9 problems

Herman Cain’s Problems: Buying Off Sex Charges ‘Cost of Doing Business’

When you’re a multimillionaire executive with important responsibilities like serving up dangerously unhealthy anusburger pizza pie to obese chain-smoking Americans, there’s always some tramp yelling about how you hurt her feelings or sexually harassed her or whatever, because the little people are always nipping at the heels of the Important People. This is Herman Cain’s latest version of why he has to constantly pay off the ladies because he keeps trying to make sexytime on them, which they should just shut up and accept, because he is an Important Executive. God, women are such complainers. Read more on Herman Cain’s Problems: Buying Off Sex Charges ‘Cost of Doing Business’…
  pictures of fear

Jackass Bankers Drop Insane Leaflets On Chicago Protesters

What are the nation’s nervous mid-level financial managers up to this week? Oh, just freaking the hell out, and making weirdly vague flyers on the office copier to dump on the throngs of protesters outside every day. Read more on Jackass Bankers Drop Insane Leaflets On Chicago Protesters…
  mitt's sad secrets

What’s the Mystery Thing In the Painting In the Mitt Romney Portrait?

Your former editor Juli Weiner has an Important Article at Vanity Fair about Mitt Romney’s strange Official Portrait from when he was the socialist governor of Taxachusetts. For all of his money and all of his calculated lust for public life, Romney acts like he was sewn into the wrong body — a characteristic that is perfectly captured by his wooden pose and mannequin stare in this official painting. But what is in the painting within the painting? What is that? Perhaps it’s something that could motivate the wingnut GOP “base.” Read more on What’s the Mystery Thing In the Painting In the Mitt Romney Portrait?…
  our flourishing economy

Hooray, the Super Rich Have Totally Recovered From the Collapse!

Have you been worried that maybe the super rich global elite has been suffering since the economic meltdown began three years ago? Well thanks for worrying, but they are doing just fine. Sure, there was a bit of turbulence in their NetJets charter over some of the poorer parts of America and the larger world — you try going from $1 billion a year to, say, $650 million! — but it’s smooth flying from here on out. It turns out that no matter how unemployed or cash strapped or stressed out all the non decamillionaires and hectomillionaires and cold straight billionaires might be today (and forever, until the invisible hand of death finally relieves them/us of the banal Sisyphean struggle of modern existence), the poors continues to help the super rich stay super rich. Read more on Hooray, the Super Rich Have Totally Recovered From the Collapse!…