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America’s most vocal light bulb sex toy fetishist Rep. Steve King had a hot little pile of mouth poop to share with his constituents regarding his personal vision for doling out U.S. work visas to immigrants, by comparing these humans to dogs: “You want a good bird dog? You want one that’s going to be [...]
What is this stupid Violence Against Women Act, and why do all these whining, lying women think it is up to “the law” to protect them from their meathead husbands’ flying fists? And while the Eagle Forum is wondering, why is some stupid congresslady bitching about how when she got raped, and her attacker was [...]
We knew it, you knew it, they knew it, your crazy white great-uncle who forwards you paranoic chain letters in blue 30-point Comic Sans font with neon green background knew it, and now the U.S. Census knows it: The minorities, they’re popping out babies like the dickens, and the flaccid whites can no longer keep [...]
While America’s been focusing this week on incredibly important issues like Rush Limbaugh’s induction into the Missouri Hall of Flame, Obama’s no-shi moment, how Obama’s gayness will be the end of him and how undercover bathhouse boy will save us from the gayz, and how gas prices are all Obama’s fault but not really but [...]
Looks like we missed a fiesta grande outside the Supreme Court yesterday, where everyone gathered to gaze in awe at Antonin Scalia as he called your abuelita a bandita. Most of those gathered, according to our spies on Twitter, were just huge Mexicans being a bunch of gangsters whenever they weren’t busy napping under sombreros [...]
Attention-whoring nematode Antonin Scalia would like to take a regularly scheduled opportunity to remind America that his is a lifetime appointment and professionalism be damned, on this the occasion of the national attention being paid to the SCOTUS hearing on the constitutionality of Arizona’s “Let’s have a Mexican-hunting party” SB 1070 law, and therefore let [...]
Are you tired of seeing immigrants, mostly the illegal ones, rolling around in their garish earth-raping automobiles on their way to and from their garish stucco McMansions filled with, we don’t know, probably a few car elevators even? Did you mainline enough angel dust at breakfast this morning to come to the startling conclusion that [...]
At a Newt Gingrich event on Wednesday (THESE CONTINUE TO EXIST, though what is meant by “event” may only amount to a release of gas), a man who spent part of his high school years working as a janitor explained to Gingrich that, you know, if he has to be honest, better economic ideas have [...]
Abdominal hero Scott Brown, who is fighting the good fight against a Democratic woman in Massachusetts over who is nicer to women, is now getting support from an unlikely ally, outgoing existential philosopher Olympia Snowe, who says that Brown is great and stuff. Brown knows how to balance on the slippery balance beam of centrism, [...]
Perhaps you have been concerned lately that maybe the Democrats were not being blamed hard enough for the GOP’s nationwide freakout about ladies, their plumbing, and how sometimes said ladies leave the men who hit them instead of nutting up and trying for once not to burn the goddamn roast. Popular outlet for “contrarian” and [...]
Anybody with half a brain (and specifically those with half a brain) knows that the GOP loves women — loves them just to death! — and it’s the Democratic leadership like Louis C.K. and Your Wonkette who call cunty women “cunts” so we are super-way-worse. So why is everybody ragging all over the poor maligned [...]
Is it really already the last debate? Have there even been any before tonight? Wait, the intern telling us something… !!!… okay, so there have been about 20 debates! Thanks, intern. (You’re fired.) Well, this process has certainly made us a better nation. So let’s watch tonight’s CNN debate live from the gay Mexican firecracker [...]
Recently outed gay Arizona sheriff Paul Babeu has some hot relationship tips about his longtime gay partner “Jose,” who was also a trusted political consultant for Babeu and even designed all of Babeu’s congressional campaign websites: Jose somehow secretly “wanted to harm me,” Babeu told CNN on Monday. If true, this follows the typical Republican [...]
