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Sanctimonious screeching creep Keith Olbermann, whose ego isn’t the size of Jupiter but certainly is that of Jupiter’s largest moon, has been fired from his 757th job on television, for being horrible. Current TeeVee owner and other relatively liberal person Al Gore was the one who did the firing, in an explosive memo which arrived [...]
Eliot Spitzer is unemployed again, because ratings on his terrible CNN solo talk show “In the Arena” have repeatedly indicated that America is not interested in watching Spitzer sex himself on teevee. What about if Eliot Spitzer pays America to watch? Would she do it then? No, gross, just please go away. We have never [...]
The fabulous Liz Glover and your very own “meh” Riley Waggaman sat down with Alex Gibney to discuss his new documentary, Client 9, which chronicles the rise and fall of Eliot Spitzer. Were you aware that Eliot Spitzer was once a powerful politician who used to regularly kick the shit out of evil investment banks? [...]
America witnessed beautiful, unvarnished Democracy last night, and it was delicious. All seven mostly-insane New York gubernatorial candidates participated in a remarkably civil and friendly chitchat, and Carl Paladino didn’t even say anything vaguely racist — which is a miracle, Hallelujah et cetera. (Every time Paladino says something horrible, Satan has sex with an endangered [...]
Did Tolkien ever depict a Senate debate in any of those Lord of the Rings books? Probably not, right? Because every character is too busy being Catholic and feminist? Yeah. So there is literally nothing to guide Christine O’Donnell in her big debate tonight. That’s okay, because she’s you, and you generally spend this time [...]
Unemployed Americans have been toiling in front of their MS Paint computer screens all day long, trying to think up ways to help Alaska remember Lisa Murkowski’s impossibly difficult-to-remember name. We were not even a little bit surprised to discover you all have way too much time to waste between bong rips, and also that [...]
Inexplicably, the international 24/7 English-language Russia Today TV channel has taken a liking to your Wonkette. One reason may be that we are not afraid to girlishly post sexxxy pics of Putin atop his noble steed or on a topless fishing excursion. Another reason may be that Rasputin is Wonkette’s “spirit animal.” Anyway, in this [...]
This thing is debuting October 4 and will be called Parker Spitzer, which is what all good trailer-park Americans are naming their children these days, because they saw some celebrity name their child that. Will we get to witness these amazing Spitzer sports comedy stylings we see a glimpse of at the :45 mark EVERY [...]
Polar Bear fetishist Al Gore took a break from saving the world in 2006 to allegedly tell a masseuse to melt his iceberg. Actual literate person, Greer Mansfield, joins the Wonkette staff to review Glenn Beck’s new chick-lit novel. Fresh from dumping the lovely Campbell Brown, CNN lowers its standards and acquires a new piece [...]
Do you worry every time you leave your house about encountering Eliot Spitzer, who will attempt to pay you for sex, or Kathleen Parker, who will attempt to determine if you are a “full-blooded American,” and then bludgeon you with her Pulitzer Prize if you aren’t? Well, now at least the period from 8 to [...]
GO BACK TO YOUR WHORES: Oh look, Eliot Spitzer is apparently still writing his awful column for Slate: “After reading the Gettysburg Address, does the idea of a carbon tax to finally move us away from an oil and old-energy dependence that is fouling not only the Gulf of Mexico but our entire climate, foreign [...]
Yes, yes, racial profiling is not necessarily “good,” but what if a police officer notices a scary brown (probably half-muslin) person walking around? What then? Should the brown person just be allowed to walk around? [Think Progress] Matt Yglesias was coughing up globs of disappointment after he saw Robin Hood, but hooray, then he read [...]
As the nomination of a single, softball-playing lady with short hair to the Supreme Court heads for the Senate, an all-important question grips the entire nation. How will her judicial philosophy inform … ha ha, just kidding. No, what people actually want to know is: Does she like gettin’ it on with dudes, or chicks? [...]
Some jackass smoked a cigarette in an airplane lavatory and then JOKED about setting his shoes on fire, poor people don’t pay so much income tax so rich people are telling poor people to get furious about this outrage, and Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell suddenly realized slavery is not currently practiced in either the Commonwealth [...]
DAVID PATERSON MAY PROBABLY MOST LIKELY DEFINITELY WON’T RUN FOR RE-ELECTION: New York’s yellow journalism tabloids are all claiming that David Paterson won’t run for re-election in November, now that voters are learning about his penchant for telephoning abused ladies and telling them to shut up. Farewell, blind black Eliot Spitzer person! [NYDN]
