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Mitt Romney Still Griping About Candy Crowley’s Debate Moderation Because Jesus Please Shut Up

Oh Mittens. Why couldn’t you just get fat and sassy and grow a beard like other presidential losers, huh? Oh that’s right – because staying out of the public eye and not griping about being a sore loserman takes...

America, Meet Your Newest Presidential Assassin: Candy Crowley

There has been, perhaps, no transgression in American debate history worse than when, in the middle of Tuesday's townhall debate, Candy Crowley swung from the rafters and literally probably shot Mitt Romney in the back of the head by...

Candy Crowley Did, But Didn’t, But Actually Did Back Down From Correcting Mittens On Libya

Last night, human dishonesty machine Mitt Romney lied about Barack Obama not calling the attack on the Benghazi consulate an "act of terror" for fourteen days. Candy Crowley (or CanCrow, as the kids call her) corrected Mitt, because he...

Here’s Your Weird Portrait of Jeb Bush With Four ‘Mini Candy Crowleys’

Even after all these years, sometimes the Internet just baffles us. From the Twitter page of bsfarrington, here is a painting of Jeb Bush with a Blackberry and four uncanny Candy Crowley elves:

Candy Crowley Is Your New John King!

John King! He is that CNN guy who hosts that thing, and he's married to whatsername! And now he is departing that thing to host some other thing, leaving behind a bleeding wound in the heart of CNN's Sunday...

What Is A Lie? A Philosophical Search For Epistemological Truth Starring This Trump Campaign Idiot

What is a lie? It is a thing Donald Trump cannot do, according to campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, because first he would have to know a thing.
Loser. Again.

Sore Loser Mitt Romney Loses Again, Like A Loser

Shocking news! Perpetual loser Mitt Romney, who swears he's done losing presidential elections but we're not sure we believe him because he is Mitt Romney and he loves losing and we love watching him lose, did not win his...
Dick Cheney auditions for a reboot of "Little Nicky."

Dick Cheney Tortures Us By Making Us Look At More Of George Bush’s Paintings Or Something

Sunday was a good day for the bookers on a couple of those political chat shows where Washington’s power brokers yap at each other in brazen displays of verbal hand jobbery. It’s not every week that the president and...
Sometimes the words just come out and not even Lindsey can explain them

Lindsey Graham Is Mad About All The Things

The House Intelligence Committee’s report on BENGHAAAAAZI!!!1! continues to disappoint all the conservatives who are still absolutely positively 100 percent convinced that the Prophet Sheikh Obama (peace be upon him) should be impeached and perhaps rendered to the prison at Guantanamo...
Thank goodness you can't get Ebola from spittle

Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her

With no teachers immediately available to yell at, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has taken up yelling at nurses, we guess. In the latest twist on Chris Christie's War On Health Care Workers Who Volunteer To Fight Deadly Diseases,...

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Tramps, Trump, Temps, And Guns, Always Guns

We have quite a range of incoherent shouting for you in today's visit to the ol' comment queue, so let's jump right in and unleash the ugly vile little snark mob, shall we? Let us begin with "bmmg39," who...

As God Is His Witness, Ted Cruz Will Never Be Canadian Again

It certainly took bloody long enough, but Sen. Ted "100% Americanlike" Cruz (R-Poutine) is finally taking action to formally renounce his Canadian citizenship, which was conferred on him at birth by virtue of being born at the top of...

Darrell Issa Calls Darrell Issa Reckless in IRS Probe

You know what's fun? Watching politicians be giant crybabies about an issue, only to turn around and be total hypocrites on that very same issue! Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Satan's Bunghole) is the latest to do so, this time on...

In Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About Gun Control

With the way so many of our politicians cower in terror every time they spot Wayne LaPierre rushing in their direction, his crazy eyes rolling in their sockets like the googly-eyed panda magnet on our refrigerator, we have thought...

Fox Still Bitching About Presidential Debate, Now, In Late February 2013

Whine whine whine bitch bitch bitch it is Fox Nation, and they are never going to get over the SHOCKING MALFEASANCE that was Candy Crowley's LIEBRUL LYING LIES in the presidential debate -- you remember the one? Please proceed,...