• May 27, 2012

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What’s up, Michelle Obama? Does your husband, the president, love you so much and is ridiculously sexy about it? “We have a ritual where he tucks me in, because I’m usually in bed before anybody,” the First Lady spilled. “He’ll come and turn the lights out and give me a kiss, and we’ll talk. He’s [...]

Mitt Romney has announced that he will not be canceling his hot Las Vegas dinner date fundraiser with washed-up nut sack Donald Trump just because Donald Trump has been having birther “episodes” in the press — this time that he “knows” Barack Obama was born in Kenya — again. What is Romney supposed to do, [...]

Mitt Romney gave an interview to Peggy Noonan, and it is great! She is the greatest interviewer, very important and insightful questions, we are sure! Do you wake up in a good mood, or do you have to work your way into it? “When was the last time you woke up unhappy?” “Do you love [...]

Buzzfeed has THE SCOOP, because when doesn’t it? According to its “Users Guide to Smoking Pot With Barack Obama” (not afraid to be servicey!) Young Barry Obama was such a villainous smoker of drugs that he made all his Hawaiian Thug Life friends follow satanic rituals in order to partake, like the terrifying “penalties,” “roof [...]

Can you type? Or if you can’t type, can you tell like an intern or somebody that you need something typed? Because if you do, you might have a shot at becoming a political producer for CNN, given that these skills are a prerequisite for the job, which seems mainly to consist of typing things [...]

We don’t know what his exact words were, but according to this write-up of a recent media panel in Boston, Chris Matthews was cryogenically frozen during the years 2002 and 2003: “Hardball host Chris Matthews argued that because of the rise of opinion-based news networks, the non-critical aspect of the media is gone, going as [...]

Listen, Denver 9 News reporter Kyle Clark, Rep. Mike Coffman stands by his statement that he misspoke and he apologizes. What about that statement do you not get? That he misspoke? Or that he apologizes? Let him clear it up for you. He stands by his statement that he misspoke and he apologizes. Want him [...]

Does Barack Obama understand capitalism? This is a legitimate question that Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post would like answered, given that Obama is a Socialist bully who uses intemperate language and who is NEVER EVER THERE for America’s bff Israel and MIGHT take powers granted to him by Obamacare to legislate “new and previously [...]

Ghost Andrew Breitbart never sleeps, there is too much VETTENING to be done! The latest, it will knock you out of your bobby sox, cats and kittens! But what is it? What VETTENING could keep spreading and growing, like the brain holes you get from syphilis? Oh, only THIS (prepaaaare yourselves!): President Barack Obama is [...]

President Yo Mama has done another terrible thing, Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller cannot even BELIEVE IT! He went to Joplin, Missouri, the town that was creamed a year ago by a super tornado caused by the totally stable climate, and he gave the high school’s commencement address and said a bunch of terrible, partisan SOCIALISM [...]

Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett has been in hot pursuit of extra-double email verification from the Hawaii government of Barack Obama’s birth certificate. Bennett made a pledge to the state’s voters — no extra-double email verification, no Obama on the ballot. What’s the big deal, haters? He’s only seeking this unique extra verification because [...]

Human tear factory John Boehner is shocked — shocked! — that no-goodnik President Divisive wants a “clean” debt limit increase without matching spending cuts. You perhaps remember that this was a big fucking deal last year when all the Tea Party freshman simultaneously went all bananas on John Boehner’s ass and refused to pay for [...]

So, who still wants to expose the evil secret teachings of the Mormons, because Mitt Romney is one of them and he is running for president? This wishy-washy Beltway Wonkette hack author doesn’t and can’t imagine that any of the millions of liberals who’ve said “A candidate’s religious beliefs shouldn’t matter” or “Even if he [...]

Here is an important Monday newsflash to cruelly ruin any budding sense of optimism you may have had about the week: Congress is talking more dumber, new study proves it. The somewhat ironic-sounding “Sunlight Foundation” fished through the daily mosh pits of word battle waged in Congress from 2005 to the present and found that [...]

Why did the Navy can this dude, er, Gordon J. Klingenschmitt, just for praying in Jesus’s name? (Oh right, because it didn’t.) But that has not stopped Gordon J. Klingenschmitt from having some opinions on the persecution of Christians by the government because Barack Nobama “blame[d] Jesus Christ” for his endorsement of homosexual marriage by [...]