Wonkette

Wonkette’s favorite GILF has now graduated to a losing ticket for vice president. Hooray for Sarah Palin, the new fake Hillary Clinton! And like the Clintons, Palin and her husband, “Todd,” are involved in a horrible scandal in their corrupt nothing state, and it’s about troopers. So let’s offer a brief background about this epic scandal which has ruined her reputation in Alaska, where she used to have 90% approval ratings. And then you will realize exactly how creepy Alaska is where they would care about such a thing. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Greetings, Wonkette readers! Your Comics Curmudgeon wasn’t invited to the Wonkette Spring Break Denver Party House this year, because I was considered too square for the non-stop bikinis-and-blow hot tub party that the editors had planned. Nevertheless, I have done my best to keep on top of convention-related events from my squalid, Cheeto-dust-encrusted home office. Since I don’t even have basic cable, I’ve been following it entirely through editorial cartoons. Here’s what I’ve found out! MORE »

We sure had a helluva time running around Denver this week, especially in the fine Uptown neighborhood, which is so packed with patio restaurants and cheap fun bars and liquor stores and cafes and fancy eateries and green leafy pedestrian streets that we could’ve just hung around the neighborhood the whole time. Instead, we spent thousands of hours per day getting in and out of the security perimeters, watching speeches, laughing at delegates, and otherwise working for the Man. Now we drive to St. Paul! But we’ll be posting on the road, so keep refreshing Wonkette constantly for more hot Sarah Palin / Barack Obama action. [Wonkette @ DNC Denver]

Historians will always remember the day when the esteemed objective reporting bastion called Wonkette assured the nation that there was no fucking way Sarah Palin would ever be John McCain’s pick for vice president. Let’s look back at all the other times we wrote completely accurate and truthful things about Sarah Palin. MORE »

Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now! So crazy. Anyway, our Alaskan GILF is now on stage and we’re liveblogging it. She’s a pretty girl, so we guess she’s qualified to be president! But good lord we did not realize she had such a squeaky voice. MORE »

Hell, we don’t know: “A Republican source confirms that John McCain has chosen Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate. Campaign officials, however, remain mum this morning.” One plane-tracking Wonkette reader notes that the plane that may have flown Palin into Ohio last night was classified as type “GLF.” HMMMMMMMM. UPDATE: CNN confirms that it’s Palin. [Chicago Tribune, FlightAware]

Enough of boring old Barack Obama. Who will be McCain’s first black female vice president under the age of 40? Nobody knows! All the news reports are about various people who say they will not be veep! We got yer Sarah Palin, yer Tim Pawlenty, and our boyfriend Mike Murphy said on the MSNBC half an hour ago that his pal on the Romney campaign declares it isn’t Mitt, either. So it’s either Lieberman or the humble roasted chicken to your left. [Political Ticker]

Last night observers watched the sky in horror as an alien spacecraft infiltrated the Obama Hope Arena’s 17 security layers and bobbed menacingly over the crowd. What was this awful thing, and what did it want to do to Our Barry? One word: probes. Creepy world exclusive footage after the jump. MORE »

• Obama’s big speech last night was a success, as he compared McCain to Bush and it included a number of good burns. The subsequent fireworks also indicated success.  [Politico]
• Putin blamed (who else) President Bush for the Georgian conflict, and explained that this whole thing was created just to drum up support for a certain unnamed person running for President who is not Barack Obama. [New York Times]
• Today is McCain’s 72nd birthday, and he will celebrate by choosing a vice president, maybe 73 vice presidents (one for good luck). [Washington Post]
• New Orleans prepares itself for Tropical Storm Gustav with their old FEMA friends, while Gustav prepares for New Orleans by flooding Jamaica. [Times-Picayune]
• Oil prices will probably have their biggest weekly gain in two months, thanks to Gustav and all the rig evacuations in the Gulf of Mexico it is causing. [Bloomberg]
• The audience at Invesco Field last night was very pleased with Obama’s speech, and cheered and stayed silent at all the appropriate times. [New York Times]
• In his speech, Al Gore compared Obama to Lincoln and said that if the 2000 election had gone differently, Osama would be dead, Iraq would be not be such a mess, and we would be working towards solving global warming. [The Hill]

Here it is, if you missed some, or all of it, or maybe the Secret Service took your laptop when you were getting a lemonade. Not quite as crazy as watching it with 80,000+ cheering Obama nuts in an outdoor football stadium at nightfall, but it is pretty great and filled with good lines. [YouTube]