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Here’s a CNN anchor lady first making hilarious jokes about how lazy all of her contributors are, and by “jokes” we mean twice calling another lady a “cunt.” The clever display of wit appears to have been botched! The other lady has a sort of “O Heavens!” look, and then they talk about, oh who knows, the various politics of the day. [YouTube]
Our nation’s beloved second wife of Ronald Reagan has fallen and hurt herself! This happened, er, last week. But it’s big news! The 87-year-old widow of America’s founding father has fractured her pelvis, and will stay in the hospital a few days, in Los Angeles, and then go home with a “reduced schedule” until she’s all healed up again in six weeks. She also fell down in February. Get well soon, Nancy! [Reuters]
Whoa, jesus, the Dow’s down 500 points, again. What’s the newest bad news for everybody? People have quit going to the stores, to buy stuff! There are many signs that your job will soon be gone, if you’ve still got a job! They’ve just shut down the markets in Brazil, after a 10% plunge! [Bloomberg]
Remember this tiny outrage from … uh, when was Hillary running for president? Did we still have money then? Anyway, here is the porn movie about Sarah Paylin. [Boing Boing]
Did you know vice-president-for-life Dick Cheney has a heart? He does! It is a little human-hybrid robotic thing under a black chest plate covered in LED lights, and it is always trying to escape — some say it is the heart of a once-happy child, but it might be a pig’s heart, or the heart of a Killer Whale. Anyway, they’re taking Uncle Dick back to the factory hospital today for another overhaul. MORE »
Christopher Buckley, the terrorist appeaser liberal betrayer and soiler of the legacy of the last conservative intellectual on earth, William F. Buckley, went on Chris Matthews’ show last night and chuckled about how a bunch of mouth-breathing rubes who read National Review hate him now. He calls himself a “hack novelist,” which is a little unfair; he just needs to remember that novelists shouldn’t publish their first drafts. [MSNBC]
Yesterday all we knew about this fellow Chris Ortloff was that he had been arrested in a hotel room with some manner of sex devices on his person and an alleged intention to do dirty things to a minor or minors. Now we learn the nature of the devices (garden variety, alas) and the intended victims (fake 11- and 12-year-old sisters). MORE »
Hey hobos! If you are looking for some Golden Ameros to replace your lost I-banking wages, or your lost 401(k), or your lost home, look no farther than your local pawn shop! They can give you all the money that the banks can’t, now that the banks don’t have any money. MORE »
Remember how you people all hated Hillary Clinton for having the temerity to run against Barack Obama and suggest that he was too busy enjoying sex with his pretty wife to answer phone calls at 3am, unlike Hillary Clinton who never sleeps and stays awake at night seething with rage while her husband picks up fat chicks at the bar that sells frozen mixed drinks out of Slurpee machines? Remember how you people were convinced she would ruin everything and believed that if she said “2 plus 2 equals 4″ you could reasonably conclude they actually equaled 5, because every word out of her mouth was a transparent lie? Well, now Hillary Clinton says she isn’t interested in a Supreme Court appointment and is “probably” not interested in running for president again, which means HOLD ONTO YOUR HAT BAT MAN: MORE »
OBAMA LEADS BY 14 POINTS AMONG LIKELY VOTERS: “The Obama-Biden ticket now leads the McCain-Palin ticket 53 percent to 39 percent among likely voters, a 14-point margin. One week ago, prior to the Town Hall debate that uncommitted voters saw as a win for Obama, that margin was just three points. ” Too bad he’s a robot! Pointy-headed intellectual Nate Silver suggests the CBS News poll result may be “a modest outlier,” so do not get your panties in a lather just yet. [CBS News]
