Wonkette

You people are fast! We announced our contest with Hachette Book Group less than an hour ago, and we’ve already got about a hundred entries. So, let’s pick some winners now and get this over with, because otherwise we will have to read through a THOUSAND seven-word poems about why you need 11 political books. MORE »

This morning’s numbers are grim on Wall Street but pretty good for Mr. Hopey. Obama’s leading 49-42 in Ohio, 50-40 in Pennsylvania, and, uh, 55-37 in Minnesota. Over at FiveThirtyEight.com, the current projection is 340 electoral votes for Barry and 198 for Walnuts! Good lord, is that even possible? Probably not, somehow! So just assume it’s all terrible disinformation to make you liberals think it’s time to cash your welfare check and get high for the four weeks straight. [Bloomberg/FiveThirtyEight.com]

TALKING BAG OF SHIT HEARTILY ENDORSES PALIN: “Emphasizing her ‘faith,’ he added that she is someone who ‘with your help — and God’s help — will be the next vice president of the United States.’” [New Republic]

CONTEST OVER, THANKS FOR PLAYING! Now that we’re all poor and soon there will be no Internet or TeeVee, it’s time to learn to read again! How would you like to win Eleven (11) new political books from Hachette Book Group USA? You would like that a lot, we bet. MORE »

Happy Monday, America! Wall Street is doing great, so far, this morning. The Dow Jones index is down 400 500 points at the moment, bringing the DJIA below 10,000 for the first time since … well, let’s check the chart. October 22, 2004 — right about the time everybody figured George W. Bush would somehow win re-election and the world would end. MORE »

• Michigan Republicans are also calling McCain’s melodramatic abandonment of Michigan a “stunt.” [Politico]
• Poor U.S. “consumers” finally got the memo (or the credit-card cancellation letter) and have stopped spending. [New York Times]
• Today’s the last day to register to vote in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Florida, Indiana, Colorado and other such important Battlefield Earth states, in case you’d like to vote for president next month. [LA Times]
• Obama seems to have a big lead with these new voters. [Washington Post]
• Some 400,000 homeowners nationwide — including more than 125,000 in California alone — with crappy Countrywide mortgages will now be able to halt foreclosure action and get their loans revised, thanks to a legal settlement with the attorneys general of 11 states, led by Jerry Brown. [NY Times/LA Times]
• Oh hey, global financial markets have collapsed. Thanks for nothing, bailout bill! [Washington Post]

We wondered when what’s his name, Obama, might mention how John McCain and his lobbyist boyfriends caused the previous collapse of America’s financial system — ha ha, not the Great Depression, but the Savings & Loan collapse. Full horrific video at noon tomorrow. Expect Sarah Palin to immediately show up somewhere and accuse Barack Obama of eating “soul food.” Oh and make sure to read a few of the insane comments on the Wall Street Journal story. [Keating Economics/Wall Street Journal]]

BEST POLL EVER: “Congress was front and center in the national news last week and the American people were far from impressed. If they could vote to keep or replace the entire Congress, 59% of voters would like to throw them all out and start over again. The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey found that just 17% would vote to keep the current legislators in office.” A full 147% changed their responses after hearing the third option, which was to keep the legislators in their offices — literally, with locks — and then release rabid death wolves into said offices. [Rasmussen]

We will miss this clown, Sarah Palin, when she’s sent back to Alaska. Ha, not really. Oh, and after the jump, this discombobulating thing from Harry Shearer. MORE »

Yeah… so who’s running the Thursday night copy desk for digital advertising over at McCain central? This is two Friday mornings in a row, CAN YOU PEOPLE PROOFREAD? McCain should fire this slouch and replace him with Andrew Cuomo. [Mollygood]

AND EVERYONE’S HAPPY: “President George W. Bush signed the biggest government intervention in the financial markets since the Great Depression after U.S. House of Representatives lawmakers wary of growing signs of the nation’s economic distress voted Friday in favor of a $700 billion Wall Street rescue package. Mr. Bush welcomed the passage of a rescue plan, saying it will help the nation’s economy withstand the financial turmoil.” Never Forget. [WSJ]

Now that the economy has been saved, by the government, we can all get back to the business of America, which is “waiting for handouts from John McCain.” Remember how much John McCain hates earmarks and how when he pretends to be president he’s always vetoing any bills with earmarks? Heh heh, he was just telling lies again. He voted for the bailout, and it is so full of earmarks, it is like, uh, a large container filled with earmarks. Pork earmarks, on pigs. MORE »

• Christian Kids in Virgina are trying to convince libraries to balance their “pro-gay” collections with books about how Jesus writes passive-aggressive Twitters or whatever every time a gay person smiles. [Washington Post]
• Major Fenty fired one of his neighborhood services coordinators for refusing to buy him Chamomile tea. It helps him sleep at night, dammit!  [City Desk]
• Here’s how your friends in Adams Morgan got wasted during last night’s debate. (Spoiler alert: It was Jello shots, mostly.) [Fishbowl DC]
• A Metro operator did this racist thing in which he talked about people wearing towels on their heads, but only because of how much he loved the Redskins. And what’s more American than that? [DC Examiner]
• Some Slovakian triathletes took pictures of some Virginian children going to school — because they love school buses! [WTOP]