But Is There A Subset of The Note That Can, Uhm…Write?

On any other day, we'd be applauding The Note for contributing something strained and unintelligible to our discourse. Something like this superlative disaster:

“Only a subset of the Gang knows that the pro-domestic surveillance talking point (picked up by the Journal) that the program is ok because there is “public opinion in support” is a ticking boomerang of a time bomb.”

Yeah! Ticking boomerangs! Outback time bombs! Do they explode in flight or after they've boomeranged back to the sender? Who knows? Who cares? Just don't let al-Zawahiri get his hands on a cache of these bad boys! Then our shit in Iraq would really be bananas!

Sadly, thanks to Adele Fergusen, today is not like any other day.

Poor Note, even when they play to lose they can't win!

The Note: Touching a Nerve [The Note]
EARLIER: Folks, Meet Your New Catchphrase

READ MORE: adele fergusen, the note, the pony in slavery, very very very very poorly thought-out metaphors

NYT Gives Mark Warner the Dorian Gray Treatment

Our gossip-obsessed sister reports today that the Times Magazine is copping to inadvertently altering a picture of former Virginia governor Mark Warner: “The jacket was charcoal, not maroon; the shirt was light blue, not pink; the tie was dark blue with stripes, not maroon.” In other words, Warner was clad in his inside-the-beltway dullest. We get it.

Someone very dear to the heart of Wonkette, meanwhile, has pointed out to us that this episode in photographic TARFU is highly reminiscent of a scene from that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead of political documentaries: Inside the Bubble.

We recommend you tickle your yen for nostalgia by clicking this here linky, and watching the episode entitled “NY Times is Fucking Us.”

In addition, the events of the day have made it possible to view the episode that follows, “Pony Time”, in a hilarious new light. Go treat yourself.

Correction of the Week: Mark Warner Looks Nothing Like Mark Warner [Gawker]

READ MORE: Kerry 2008, adele fergusen, corrections, gawker, john kerry, mark warner, new york times, the keening pathos of clueless democratic campaign staffers, the pony in slavery, very very very very poorly thought-out metaphors

Federal Appeals Court Rules Against the Invasive Probing of American Citizens

It's a good thing that we get to enjoy the pony that's been hidden in slavery, because for the people of Mississippi, it could be a long time before they get to enjoy anything hidden in their vaginas.

A federal appeals court has upheld the dismissal of lawsuit filed by a Rankin County adult store, which challenged the constitutionality of a Mississippi law that bans the sale of sex toys.

You'd think that the free trade of strap-ons would send a powerful message of resolve to the psycho-prudes of the Islamofascist armies. Certainly, this ruling does nothing to comfort the spouses of our fighting men and women, stranded overseas. But, as an upside, maybe Russ Feingold can uncover some useful precedent in this ruling for his battle against lawless and invasive wiretapping.

Fifth Circuit upholds dismissal of sex toy law challenge [Clarion-Ledger]

READ MORE: adele fergusen, appeals court rulings, catchphrases, mississippi, russ feingold, sex toys, the pony in slavery, very very very very poorly thought-out metaphors

Folks, Meet Your New Catchphrase

You know, generally, it's not worth our time to go after all the insane, barely literate halfwits who write editorials and columns for our nation's less prestigious papers. 'Cause, really, it's shooting fish in a barrel. It's like sending Robert Christgau to review karaoke night at the Reef. Sure, it's bad, but who cares — these people are amateurs. But every now and then, one of these lunatics comes up with a column so brilliant, so perfect, so unbalanced, that we must emerge from our decadent coastal enclave and enter the great uncharted middle of the country to bring back to our godless readers the Word. This is one of those columns:

One of these days before I die, I hope to see a shift in the attitudes of so many of my black brothers and sisters in this great country we share, from perpetual victimhood, to pride in their achievements on the road from slave to American citizen.

Remember Ronald Reagan’s story about the kid who had to shovel a huge pile of manure? He went about it with such joy he was asked why and said, “With all that manure, there’s got to be a pony in there somewhere.”

The pony hidden in slavery is the fact that it was the ticket to America for black people.

Oh, if only there were a way to register a spit take in xhtml.

“The pony in slavery,” people. Like the toy in a box of Cap'n Crunch. If Cap'n Crunch were, say, made of poison. And it took several generations and thousands of lives to get to the toy. And then when you got the toy, you weren't allowed to play with it for another hundred years.

Adele Fergusen, we love you.

Why do blacks continue to support Democrats? [KPBJ]

READ MORE: adele fergusen, catchphrases, fun surprises at the end of each two hundred years of subjegation, holy shit, jeez, louise…, kitsap, no, really, just… wow, race, slavery, the pony in slavery, very very very very poorly thought-out metaphors