Wonkette
Acting U.S. Surgeon General Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson has launched the Administration’s first attack in this year’s War on Christmas. The ASG declared that Santa is too heavy to be a good role model, telling the Boston Herald, “It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise… Santa is no different.” The ASG’s comment comes in the wake of Australia’s war on “hohoho” and made one of us crave, um, cookies. We ask for your opinion, after the jump.
My first though was that, yes, obesity is a problem in this country - but it’s not like we’re hurting for skinny famous people to emulate. Plus, it’s fucking Santa and that whole “bowl full of jelly” is part of the deal! But, then I saw this exemplar of the alternate universe of Santa Clauses and, well, suddenly standing in line at the mall to get my picture taken on Santa’s lap seemed appealing for the first time in two decades.
Luckily, despite this Administration’s War on Christmas Icons, the (Democratic-run) Massachusetts Department of Public Health says that they think Santa’s just fine as he is. But, what’s your opinion?
Hey, St. Nick: Put down the cookie [Boston Herald]
Comments
Shit, now I'm gonna get all paranoid when the little Nabiscos start singing "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus..."
This is an excellent proselytizing tool (heh). A lot more people would want to celebrate Christmas if they thought this was going to come down their chimney (heh heh).
But, let's not forget the true spirit of christmas, Jesus with his rock hard abs in a loin cloth.
First Cookie Monster, now Santa. When will this madness end?
It's strange when life imitates the Simpsons.
This guy is apart of the Bush administration, right?
Does the north pole make you tan? And, umm, hot?
If Jocelyn Elders had merged her buffin' the muffin policy with this photo, she'd still have the gig.
I miss the America that had different holidays. It's been an 80-plus month continuous run of worthless bushivik assholes.
There's been:
Bushivik daylight savings.
The bushivik floating black-people festival.
The worlds longest running Middle Eastern pyrotechnics display.
The bushivik gay fake-reporter overnight easter knads hunt.
The bushivik tea party - where America throws Boston harbor and all of the other ports to Dubai.
The bushivik fence raising that started out with illegal alien labor and is finishing with materials made in China.
Bushivik Valentines Day - Sent to Valery Plame at her secret CIA mail drop via America's corporate stooge newspapers.
The Cheney Autumnal Bootlicker Hunt.
And of course, the Festival of the Immaculate Cheney Lesbian Nativity Scene.
Shit, the next thing the ASG will go after is Wyle E. Coyote's risky lifestyle. Then no one will be able to make long falls off cliffs or do anything with anvils.
Rear Admiral indeed.
Sounds like he's been Scrooged deep and hard.Repeatedly.
Now THERES a photo for Dickmas/Cockmas
The Bush administration has now moved from excessive meddling in the real world to excessive meddling in the fictional world. When oh when will they finally stop Dracula and Scrooge McDuck?!
That's one stuffed stocking.
When I say "don't fuck with Santa", I mean that in a very old-fashioned, traditional way.
I don't throw out the girlie magazines in my sons' rooms or anything, but that picture needs to GO. Out.
When I sit on Santa's lap this year at the mall, I don't want anything hard poking me.
It just won't be the same pudgy, soft Santa experience.
Let's not kid ourselves. This is a Bush appointee we're talking about. Their real goal is to replace Santa with an emaciated Jesus. (When Jesus says "Ho, ho, ho," he means Mary!)
@Whattheheck: You know, some of us would prefer the new model variety, but I would feel bad sitting on this Santa's lap at the mall in front of all of the childrens.
Jeff... Jeff Gannon?
Wonkette polling the jury now. Must upgrade antivirus program.
Rear Admiral. I get it. Heh.
And to think this used to be called Jolly Saint Nick, now he would be known as Body Paint Prick.
Rear Admiral.
Gayson. (OK, Galson.)
Picture of gay model in "santa" outfit.
If there's a joke there, I'm just not getting it.
Ohhh, wait. Now I get it.
Nice bananna hammock, Santa.
Who's him? Benji Johnson? Don't forget to leave some beef jerky under the chimmey.
Oh oh! Santa is pissed now!
isn't santa another pedophile? having all those kids sit on his lap, ...
What they need to push is that fact that Santa is obese, but he can still move his tubby ass when he needs to. No electric carts for that big boy. Handicap stickers? Hell, no! Santa needs no special treatment, as long as you don't screw with his cookie supply.
That beard is wicking all the oil up from his abs to his lips, and keeping him from having to purchase Chap Stik.
Thrifty.
Santa is supposed to be avuncular! He is supposed to be a bear! (like that guy with the "poofter" licence plate) Besides some of us prefer the original model, I dated a few guys built like Santa Claus, back before I found the man o my heart(admittedly he looks more like Santa every year).It's sort of a Silenus thing.
Santa used to touch me in inappropriate places when I was younger! Fat bastard!!!
If Santa was a Republican: "Timmy, have you heard of my nubian loincloth-clad elf princes? Would you like to slip into one and try out for the team? I'll hold your PJs, you hold my candy-cane."
Cumming down my chimney?
Oh my butt yess.
I've got cookies (enabled you fucker).
Milk me?
@Gnaeus: Except for the part that Jesus is just a baby...sicko.
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