Wonkette

Not in Denver rocking the stadium with Barack Obama and Little Stevie Wonder? Well, lucky you! There’s fun stuff going on in D.C., too, and no ugly media people to muck it up. Enjoy sculpture, deejays, aliens and Dostoyevsky! MORE »

Civil War veteran John McCain served his country with “honor,” but he has no idea what “honor” even means! In a hilarious Q&A with TIME Magazine — hilarious because he’s just barking “Get off my lawn!” at the poor reporters — McCain is asked a simple, boring, “just quote your stump speech” question, and he goes absolutely crazy. MORE »

The hottest ticket in America tonight is Barack Obama’s all-star oldies concert at Denver’s Mile High Stadium, during which he will sink a thousand three-pointers from downtown Ancient Athens. But don’t feel bad about missing history or whatever, because John McCain is also having some sort of sporting facility event, on Friday — he will appear with his veep pick at “Wright State University’s Nutter Center” in some little town in Ohio. Ha ha, it is called “Nutter Center.” Anyway, there are only 10,000 tickets available, and they’re all pretty much still available. Cindy McCain may pay you a hundred bucks and a vicodin just to keep a seat warm for an hour. [Political Wire/Dayton Daily News]

Everybody knows that poor old John McCain owns so many wonderful luxury homes in Arizona and California and Communist France that he literally has no idea how many wonderful luxury homes he owns — after all, that’s Cindy’s accounting firm’s job, counting up the stuff! But a shocking new study reveals that likely McCain running mate Mitt Romney literally owns fifty-five houses. MORE »

• Guess who showed up at the Dem Convention last night, after Biden’s speech? (We told you he would be there.) [SF Gate]
• By the way, there was some history made in Denver last night. Huzzah for Barry. [Newsday]
• “Rove Tried To Kill Lieberman” …. Oh wait, “Rove Tried To Kill Lieberman VP Pick.” [Politico]
• But McCain just wants to pick some Abortionist as his vice president. [Washington Post]
• Giant tech-savvy Afghanistan spider has somehow turned up in England and learned blogging skills. The terrified family “identified the spider using the internet.” [BBC News]
• Hurricane Gustav shouldn’t hit New Orleans before Monday afternoon, leaving Ray Nagin plenty more time to party in Denver. [NOLA.com]
• Stevie Wonder needs to play this song, as the Rolling Stones played it, at Obama’s stadium show. [YouTube]
• Famous people, semi-famous people and indie-rock bands are all over Denver, “hoping” to get more press. [Denver Post]

Here he is, the Big Guy, the “bruiser,” Joe Biden, in his 20th HBO Special, “Ize Gonna Be Viceys.” HA HA HA, that is what he named it, we imagine. He’s always makin’ the jokes, like “what’s up with these black Indians running all the articulate 7-elevens?” He doesn’t even need a punchline, THE SETUP IS FUNNY ENOUGH. Oh wait… he plagiarized that joke entirely from a Bobby Kennedy speech. [Sigh]. Let’s watch him make fun of his good friend, John “Walnuts” McCain, in his new role as Plagiarist Attack Dog. MORE »

On our 17-mile march from downtown Denver to “The Perimeter,” which is a police blockade at least another 17 miles from the actual Pepsi Center, we ran into these friends. Thousands of riot cops, thousands of hippies, thousands of blocked crossways and pedestrian routes to The Perimeter. They are protesting Barack Obama’s War in Iraq, as well as the fact that anyone is dying anywhere in the world. Let’s immanentize their eschaton, after the jump. MORE »

WHORING: Is your editor staying in suburban Englewood and claiming to be an Ivy League shortish person looking for a girlfriend on Craigslist? Gawker commenters think so! [Gawker]

It was a hard-fought primary, but in the end, Bill Clinton’s old Arkansas magic just couldn’t work another time. So now he’s stuck with a boring old prime time slot on the second-to-the-last night of the convention, yammering about national security when he really wants to talk about math and numbers and dollars like he did in the 90s. Let’s see how he muddles through… MORE »

It’s the night we’ve all been waiting for: The night Bill Clinton will finally get out of the way and let the nominee go ahead and run for president. Bill has his legacy to worry about, because, you know, he squandered it with some of the most boorish, cheap behavior in political history — and we are not even talking about Monica Lewinsky. Let’s let Bill let us remember how wonderful he is and how awesome he will always be, as the DNC Wednesday night showdown begins. MORE »