Introducing: Cartoon Violence

Is the cartoon riot thing over yet? We don't remember hearing about it this week at all. That's always a good sign, right? Good work Hitch and Sully!

We do hope that episode ended, or fizzled out, or whatever. 'Cause we don't think people should be blowing up Danes, sure, but also because we want to go back to the world where no one gave a shit about cartoons. The world of, like two months ago. When editorial cartoonists, secure in their obscurity, could repeat the jokes they stole from 1950's Herblock cartoons with crosshatching and textual labeling of strained metaphors straight outta vintage Thomas Nast.

We miss that innocent time. And so does our buddy the Comics Curmudgeon. CC's been blogging about daily, non-political comics for a while now, so we asked him to take the impressive skills he's developed as America's Premier Comic Strip Mocker and train them on the political cartoonists of our nation's newspapers. His analysis is after the jump.

You ever notice that if you help a friend out who's having trouble with their computer, you become tech support for the whole neighborhood? Or that if you let one of your frat brothers give you a drunken blow job once your junior year of college, all of the sudden you're “gay”? Well, I write a blog about comic strips, and because cartoons have been in the news lately (with the blasphemy and the riots and the hey hey), the Wonkette masterminds have decided that I'm the guy to parse the political cartoons of the day for you, their esteemed readers. My experience lies mostly in making jokes about how Rex Morgan, M.D. is heavily closeted, but I figure, how hard can it be? Of course, I'll be making my criticisms with pointed barbs rather than explosives, in line with the violence-averse traditions of my overeducated people.

This week, we'll compare and contrast the caricatured takes on two different issues. Some cartoonists have taken the high road and done their best to make us care about this whole UAE-port security thingamawho, while others long ago gave up on that sort of thing and joined the rest of America in mocking Anna Nicole Smith.

Click thubmails to enlarge.

The good: This cartoon subtly but faithfully captures Dubya's “Oh, shit” facial expression, which we've all had occasion to see more often that we'd like.

The bad: If you're trying to wring humor from a fraught, complex issue that nobody really can explain, it's best not to remind the reader of the time Cheney shot a dude in the face, which was easily understood and utterly hilarious.

The ugly: George Bush is depicted reading a newspaper, which destroys any sense of realism the artist might have been trying to project.

The good: Pirates fucking rule. This one even has a little beard braid complete with bow, which, in a pirate context, is badass.

The bad: The sheikdoms currently making up the United Arab Emirates were collectively known as the “Pirate Coast” in the early 19th century, which may make this the most obscure slam on a nationality in history of cartooning.

The ugly: MAKE PARROT BUSH STOP STARING AT ME WITH HIS EMPTY, HAUNTED EYES! MAKE HIM STOP!

The good: Donkeys are amusingly angry-looking, with gritted buck teeth.

The bad: Loving attention lavished on caricatures of Kirk and Spock compares unfavorably with more basic drawing of Bush and completely generic herd of Democrats.

The ugly: Shatner's bulging Star Trek VI-era gut is squeezed uncomfortably into a form-fitting Star Trek: The Original Series-era uniform.

The good: The sly smile on Stevens' wizened face is a nice touch, as are Anna Nicole's fishnet stockings.

The bad: The whole joke is explained at length in a word balloon, fatally undermining the visual nature of the medium. This may be a wrongheaded attempt to pander to the blind.

The ugly: Despite having an easily caricatured face, America's favorite gold digger here looks eerily like a drawing of Fawn Hall, circa 1986.

The good: Offers a game if no doubt doomed attempt to shift attention from a fun, frivolous current issue (Playboy bunny/all-around train wreck appears before Supreme Court) to an important, boring issue that everyone's forgotten about (Texas Congressional gerrymander … zzzzz).

The bad: First you smarty-pants types made the movie with the cowboys that were fruity, now you got the gumption to make the great state of Texas into some kind of damn homo European hairdresser. Might get a fella riled up, I reckon.

The ugly: The hideous, clown-like eyeshadow and rouge were quite enough to establish the pig of redistricting as unlovable; the stink lines and puddle of drool were unnecessary and, frankly, gratuitous.

The good: Despite the fact that most Americans couldn't name a single Supreme Court justice, pick one out of a line up, or be bothered to understand what they do for a living, the artist has chosen to caricature Souter, Kennedy, and Stevens as doddering, liver-spotted zombies, rather than just drawing generic doddering, liver-spotted zombies.

The bad: It's pretty much the same gag as the one up above, albeit in color.

The ugly: Can you look at this cartoon without visualizing a horrifying septuagenerians-on-silicone-enhanced-bimbo gangbang? Bet you can't now.
—THE COMICS CURMUDGEON

Today's Cartoons [Slate]

READ MORE: SCOTUS, anna nicole smith, bush, cartoon violence, cartoons, comics curmudgeon, controversy, dick cheney, dubai, guns, ports, redistricting, texas, thomas nast

Daily Briefing: Talk’n Texan

• House, by narrow 216 to 214 vote, approves steep cuts in entitlement programs; viewed as victory for Majority Whip Roy Blunt (R-Mo.). [WP, NYT, W$J, USAT]
• White House has scaled back their agenda; “Bush has come around to the notion that a presidency can handle only one truly big thing at a time, and for now that thing is Iraq.” [WP, LAT]
• Rep. Blunt expected to win race for House majority leader today. [LAT]
• Many House Republicans believe their leadership is going too far with proposed reforms for lobbying. [WP, NYT]
• Administration is rejecting Senate requests for legal opinions on NSA eavesdropping. [NYT]
• “Disorganization of Senate Democrats” created smooth path for Samuel Alito's confirmation. [WP]
• U.S. Capitol Police chief apologizes for hassling Cindy Sheehan. [WP, NYT]
• Bush's rhetorical push for energy independence is greeted with skepticism and “a lack of enthusiasm” on the Hill. [NYT, W$J]

• Alito breaks with conservatives in first vote as Supreme Court justice. [USAT]
• Bush brings State of the Union themes to Nashville: “Let me put it to you in Texan. If al Qaeda is calling into the United States, we want to know.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
• Michael Chertoff is chided by the GAO for incompetent response to Katrina. [NYT, W$J, USAT]
• Many Katrina victims disappointed with content of the State of the Union. [USAT]
• White House defends Texas redistricting. [WP]
• Special lobbying exemption for tribes has not been addressed. [WP]

READ MORE: Democrats, Republicans, SCOTUS, White House, agenda, cindy sheehan, eavesdropping, energy independence, george w. bush, house, indian tribes, iraq, katrina, lobbying, michael chertoff, nsa, redistricting, roy blunt, samuel alito, senate, sotu, texas

Daily Briefing: ‘Uncharacteristically Contrite’

• Bush strikes a subdued tone in Oval Office address about Iraq: “This work has been especially difficult in Iraq — more difficult than we expected. Reconstruction efforts and the training of Iraqi security forces started more slowly than we hoped. We continue to see violence and suffering, caused by an enemy that is determined and brutal, unconstrained by conscience or the rules of war.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
• Bush was “uncharacteristically contrite”; speech “culminated a weekend in which his administration tried to retake lost ground” on Iraq and national security. [WP, NYT, NYT, USAT]
• Cheney makes surprise visit to Iraq; violence returns after election lull. Cheney: “Well, Iraq’s looking good… I think when we look back from 10 years hence, we’ll see that the year ‘05 was in fact a watershed year here in Iraq.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
• Republican leadership approves $41.6b in spending cuts and attempt to open ANWR for drilling. House approves; Senate to take up debates today. [WP, NYT, USAT, LAT]

• Rice defends eavesdropping operations on Sunday talk shows; senators call for hearings. [NYT, USAT]
• Supreme Court case on redistricting “offers the court an opportunity to rein in some of the partisan excesses that are staining the redistricting process and producing races so one-sided that they often deny Americans the opportunity to cast meaningful votes for the House of Representatives.” [LAT]
• Pentagon “is carrying out intelligence collection, analysis and operations within the United States and abroad.” [WP]
• Now Sen. Feingold (D-Wis.) isn’t the only one against the Patriot Act. [NYT]
• Lawmakers under pressure to return donations from Abramoff. [NYT]
• Cheney, Rumsfeld find companionship on the weekends. [NYT]

READ MORE: Democrats, Pentagon, Republicans, SCOTUS, condoleezza rice, dick cheney, george w. bush, intelligence, iraq, jack abramoff, patriot act, redistricting, russ feingold

Daily Briefing: ‘Manna from Heaven’

• Lawyers at the Justice Department warned that Rep. Tom Delay’s (R-Texas) redistricting plan was illegal under the Voting Rights Act but senior officials vetoed their findings. [WP]
• Senate Armed Services Committee seeks answers about Pentagon’s propaganda campaign in Iraqi media. Scott McClellan: “We’re very concerned about the reports. We have asked the Department of Defense for more information.” [NYT]
• Revelations about Samuel Alito’s views on abortion “are stiffening Democratic resistance and complicating the nomination for moderates in both parties.” Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.): “Certainly the chance of a filibuster is greater today than it was the day Alito was nominated.” [WP, NYT]
• Conversation in 2004 with Time’s Viveca Novak is said to have motivated Rove to change his testimony in the leak investigation. [NYT]
• Prosecutors are investigating whether Jack Abramoff “brokered lucrative jobs for Congressional aides at powerful lobbying firms in exchange for legislative favors.” [NYT]
• Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) breaks from most in her party with support of Rep. John Murtha’s (D-Pa.) plan for withdrawal. Strategist: “If Karl Rove was writing the timing of this, he wouldn’t have written it any differently, with the president of the United States expressing resolve and the Democratic leader offering surrender. For Republicans, this is manna from heaven.” [WP, WT]
• Bush marks World AIDS Day: “I believe America has a unique ability, and a special calling, to fight this disease.” Dean says the administration has “stood in the way of important global efforts to curb this disease.” [WP]

• Republican governors ready for challenging ‘06 campaigns. [LAT]
• Ken Mehlman urges opposition to anti-immigrant policies: “Throughout our history, there have always been Americans who believed that coming to these shores was a right reserved only for them and their ancestors, but not for others… that was wrong then and those who argue that now are wrong today.” [WP]
• Bush, honoring Rosa Parks, supports extension of the Voting Rights Act. [AP]
• Murtha describes the Army as “broken, worn out” and “living hand to mouth.” [WT]
• Committees that former Rep. Randy Cunningham was a member of start investigations into his conduct. [USAT]
• White House works for bipartisan support of trade deals. [WSJ]
• The NSA “deliberately skewed” evidence to claim that North Vietnamese ships had attacked American destroyers on Aug. 4, 1964. [NYT]
• White House officials have received $2.3m worth of free travel over the past six years, study finds. “These trips are often indirect conduits to influence policy,” says director of watchdog group. [NYT]
• Federal judge sides with the FBI, noting that running a fake candidate on election day was necessary to combat corruption. [WP]
• Bush was summoned for Texas jury duty. McClellan: “The president has other commitments.” [NYT]

READ MORE: 2006, Democrats, Pentagon, Republicans, SCOTUS, abortion, charles schumer, fbi, george w. bush, governors, immigration, iraq, jack abramoff, john murtha, jury duty, karl rove, ken mehlman, leak investigation, nancy pelosi, nsa, propadanda, randy cunningham, redistricting, rosa parks, samuel alito, scott mcclellan, tom delay, trade, vietnam war, viveca novak, voting rights act, world AIDS day