BREAKING: Dick Cheney’s Mea Culpa

Fox News is airing snippets of Brit Hume's interview with Vice President Dick Cheney (which will be broadcast in its entirety at 6 p.m.; we plan to liveblog it, so tune in). Here are a few quotes (or paraphrases):

• “It's not Harry's fault. You can't blame anyone else. I'm the one who pulled the trigger and shot my friend.”

• “The image of [Harry] falling is something I’ll never be able to get out of my mind. It was one of the worst days of my life, a moment I’ll never forget.

• “I ran over and said, 'Harry, I had no idea you were there.' Harry did not respond.”

And here are some unanswered questions — or questions that were touched upon, but could be answered more fully:

• Why didn't the White House disclose the hunting accident more quickly and more fully?

• Why didn't the White House disseminate news of the hunting accident more widely — for example, to the Associated Press, as opposed to a local newspaper? (In one interview excerpt, Cheney said he knew that the wires would pick it up from the Corpus Christi Caller-Times.)

• Was alcohol at all involved in this accident?

Tune in to Fox News — and Wonkette — at 6 p.m. today, to find out more.

READ MORE: Media, breaking, dick cheney, harry whittington, hunting accidents, quail hunting mishaps, top

Remainders: Justice Scalia Thinks You’re an Idiot (But Did You Go Hunting with Dick Cheney?)

• Justice Scalia: “[Y]ou would have to be an idiot to believe [in a living Constitution].” [Think Progress]

• “Justice Scalia should shut up and consider himself lucky to be alive, having gone hunting with Dick Cheney.” [CNN “Situation Room” correspondent]

• Is Justice Scalia a member of Deadeye Dick's Gun Club? Has he bought an official T-shirt? [Dick Cheney Gun Club; The White House Officious Gift Shop]

• Late-night comics had a lot to say about the Dick Cheney hunting accident. [politicalhumor.about.com]

• In happier news: Scalia pal Ted Olson, former Solicitor General of the United States (and widower of the late Barbara Olson), is engaged to Lady Evelyn Booth. [Washingtonian]

READ MORE: Remainders, antonin scalia, dick cheney, guns, hunting accidents, lady evelyn booth, quail hunting mishaps, ted olson

An Impassioned Plea for Gun (Metaphor) Control

Check out the headline and lede of this article by Dana Milbank of the Washington Post (who was arrested earlier this morning by Wonkette's Capitol Fashion Police; but we sent him a Valentine's Day card to make up for it):

Or take a look at the following excerpt from this Time.com article:

“He's very tough,” James R. Huffines, chairman of the Board of Regents of the University of Texas System, and a 25-year friend of Whittington, told TIME. “He's a real tenacious competitor in everything he does. I hate to use this pun, but he really is a straight shooter in all sense of the word, with a real sense of right and wrong for the taxpayers.”

People, please: In discussing the Cheney hunting accident, can we stop with all the repetitive and tortured shooting metaphors? And now that Harry Whittington has taken a turn for the worse, as we just discussed, the need to avoid gun puns has only intensified.

(Okay, fine, you've called our bluff: we're not sure that we really mean this. So if we indulge in the occasional shooting metaphor ourselves, especially if Mr. Whittington pulls through this okay, please don't accuse us of hypocrisy.)

McClellan Takes Aim at Cheney [WP]
The Man Who Dick Cheney Shot [Time]

READ MORE: Media, bad puns, birdshot, buckshot, dana milbank, dick cheney, guns, harry whittington, heart attacks, hunting accidents, quail hunting mishaps, time, unfortunate metaphors, washington post

BREAKING: Harry Whittington Suffers Heart Attack; Joke Moratorium Instituted

UPDATE: Bumped to stem the flow of emails. No, he's not dead, and there's no way in hell Cheney will be charged with anything if that changes.

This just in:

The 78-year-old lawyer who was shot by Vice President Dick Cheney in a hunting accident has some birdshot lodged in his heart and he had a “minor heart attack,” a hospital official said Tuesday. Peter Banko, the hospital administrator at Christus Spohn Hospital Corpus Christi-Memorial, said Harry Whittington had the heart attack early Tuesday while being evaluated.

Whittington has been moved back to the intensive care unit as a result of this heart attack. The news is probably very worrisome to Dick Cheney — who, of course, knows a thing or two about heart attacks…

Here at Wonkette, we feel like we have a little quail egg on our faces. We opined that it was silly and lurid for the media to be so obsessively interested in how much ammunition would be left unremoved in Whittington's body. But it was this unremoved ammunition that gave rise to the heart attack, by moving around inside Whittington's body and lodging into part of his heart.

A moratorium on all jokes related to the Cheney shooting has been instituted — subject, however, to purchasing a $7 permit for the privilege.

Hunter Shot By Cheney Has Heart Attack [WP]

Earlier: Hospital Briefing: The Cheney Shooting

READ MORE: birdshot, breaking, buckshot, dick cheney, guns, harry whittington, hunting accidents, quail hunting mishaps, quails, top

Hospital Briefing: The Cheney Shooting

Did any of you tune into the afternoon press conference at the Christus Spohn Hospital (Corpus Christi Memorial), where Dick Cheney shooting victim Harry Whittington is being treated? It wasn't as exciting as the White House briefing earlier this afternoon; but we tuned in, since it was either that or Judge Hatchett. See — we stay home and watch TV, so you don't have to!

Peter Banko, the hospital administrator, and Dr. David Blanchard, director of emergency services, stuck to their main talking points: Whittington is definitely not croaking; he's in stable condition, not serious or critical; he's being moved out of the ICU, although he's not being released today; and he's in good spirits, even cracking jokes. (Banko and Blanchard declined to share any of Whittington's jokes.)

Then came the press questions — which turned out to be as silly as those posed at the White House conference that we blogged about previously. After Banko and Blanchard rehashed their talking points about four times, Dr. Blanchard slipped up and deviated slightly from the script: he admitted that not all of the shotgun pellets would be surgically removed from Whittington (who was hit in the face, neck, and torso).

This led to a solid five minutes' worth of lurid questioning about what exactly was going to be left inside the poor man: Why aren't all of the bullets being removed from Mr. Whittington's body? Exactly how many pellets will remain inside of him? What percentage of the total ammunition will not be removed? One almost expected a reporter to ask, “Will Mr. Whittington be able to pass through airport metal detectors — or will he have to unscrew his head?”

The mainstream media doesn't have a monopoly on the truth — and bloggers don't have a monopoly on tastelessness.

Whittington Recovering Rapidly, Hospital Says [Houston Chronicle]

Earlier: For Future Reference
White House Briefing: The Cheney Shooting
For the Record
Dick Cheney Finally Takes a Stand Against Trial Lawyers

READ MORE: Media, christus spohn hospital, corpus christi, david blanchard, dick cheney, guns, harry whittington, hunting accidents, peter banko, quail hunting mishaps, quails, shooting

White House Briefing: The Cheney Shooting

Scott McClellan: “Please, Mr. Vice-President — don't shoot!”

We just watched part of the White House briefing about Dick Cheney's accidental shooting of his hunting partner — no, not the duck-hunting Justice Scalia, but the quail-hunting Harry Whittington, a Texas lawyer. While we were watching, we IM'd with Ana Marie Cox, Wonkette Emerita and fairy godmother (IM names are pseudonyms):

Original Wonkette: This briefing is SO FUNNY.
Original Wonkette: “when did the president become aware that the vice president had shot someone?”
Original Wonkette: “would this be much more serious if the man had died?”
Original Wonkette: OUR AWESOME PRESS CORPS

New Wonkettes: The jokes write themselves. What were the answers to these fabulous questions?
Original Wonkette: answers immaterial. not like scotty says anything anyway.
Original Wonkette: they also kept referring to Cheney as “the shooter” as tho he were the BTK killer or something

New Wonkettes: Fox News observes that “Scott McClennan is earning his pay today.”
Original Wonkette: in continuing to not answer questions, yes
New Wonkettes: Fox News guy says it's a “tempest in a teapot” — from a PR perspective, a tempest named “Katrina.”
Original Wonkette: its shotgun pellets in a lawyer, that's what it is
Original Wonkette: new jargon alert!

Original Wonkette: also toward the end of the “shooter” section he said something like “let me stay on this subject for a little while,” which is understandable. this is the only WH controversy where it's pretty clear no laws WERE broken.
Original Wonkette: compared to Plame thing this is cake

Update: Here is the transcript of this afternoon's press conference.

READ MORE: White House, ana marie cox, crime, dick cheney, guns, harry whittington, original wonkette, quail hunting mishaps, scott mcclellan, self-writing jokes