Hey Democrats…You Got Served!

Good morning Senators Clinton, Schumer. What's up Mr. Biden? How're my dawgs at the DLC holdin' it down this morning? Say, guys, if you are wondering where those dark stains you found in your britches this morning came from, we're here to help. At about five past eleven last night, The Daily Show's Ed Helms tore out a new hole in your asses.

Joined by would-be Senatorial candidate Paul Hackett, Helms and The Daily Show team perpetrated one of the most priceless takedowns of Democratic Party strategery we've ever seen. It's all there: “the Matrix”, the fatal nibbling of idiot consultants, the standard false equation of Republican mistakes with Democratic victories, and most of all, the unbelievable and stupefying insistence that everything is fine.

HANK SHEINKOPF: It doesn't hurt that the Republicans keep screwing up. It only helps you. It's good to have an opponent that keeps making errors.

HELMS: I am right there with you. I got mugged the other day. And, this bum was beating me a bottle. And I said, “You know what, I am going to sit back and wait for him to accidentally hit himself with the bottle.” And sure enough, he did. I mean, I was unconscious, but I think I won that battle.

It all culminates in a reimagined Hackett-For-Senate campaign commercial:

Anyway, guys. This is why the idealistic young interns in your employ can't seem to look you in the face today.

READ MORE: democratic party, ed helms, pathetic losers, paul hackett, the daily show

Daily Briefing: ‘Don’t Be A Jerk’

• White House waited over 14 hours before disclosing Cheney's hunting accident; it's “highly unusual, if not unprecedented, for the White House to allow a private citizen serve as its de facto spokesman.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
• Scott McClellan faced “the media equivalent of birdshot.” NBC's David Gregory during the gaggle: “Don't accuse me of trying to pose to the cameras. Don't be a jerk to me personally when I'm asking you a serious question.” [WP, NYT]
• Administration vows to reform FEMA and the Department of Homeland Security to prevent future failures. Michael Chertoff: “I am accountable and accept responsibility for the performance of the entire department, good and bad.” [WP, W$J]
• Draft United Nations report sharply criticizes treatment of detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba: “The U.S. government should either expeditiously bring all Guantanamo Bay detainees to trial… or release them without further delay.” [WP]
• Administration spent $1.6b on public relations contracts from 2003 to mid-2005. [WP]

• Kofi Annan meets Bush at the White House; leaders call for larger presence in Darfur. [WP, NYT]
• Interest groups and companies spent a record $1.16b on lobbying in the first half of 2005; for most corporations, “the return on investment in lobbying is often so substantial that experts and insiders agree that Washington's influence industry will continue to thrive no matter how lawmakers decide to rein it in.” [WP, W$J]
• Bush's proposed budget reduces popular health care projects. [WP]
• Iraq war veteran Paul Hackett, under pressure from Democratic leadership, drops out of Senate contest in Ohio: “First, my government misused and mismanaged the military in Iraq, and now my own party is afraid to support candidates like me.” [NYT]

READ MORE: 2006, Democrats, Republicans, White House, budget, david gregory, department of homeland security, dick cheney, fema, george w. bush, guantanamo bay, katrina, kofi annan, lobbying, michael chertoff, ohio, paul hackett, scott mcclellan, united nations

Daily Briefing: The Red Line

• Cheney was first to tell Libby about Plame, but not necessarily by name; notes taken by Libby contradict his own testimony. Cheney’s information came from Tenet; it’s unclear whether Cheney or Libby knew of Plame’s undercover status. [NYT]
• White House advisors use lessons learned by Reagan and Clinton to survive the “darkest days of the Bush presidency”; Bush will reiterate the necessity of staying on the offensive in Iraq and will urge fiscal discipline at home. [WP]
• Ben Bernanke, senior White House advisor and renowned economist, nominated to succeed Greenspan; noted as “the economic equivalent” of John Roberts. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]
• Bernanke has “unassailable credentials and enough distance from the White House to blunt charges of cronyism or ideological motivations.” [WP, LAT]
• Bush will not release documents related to Miers’ White House work. Bush: “It’s a red line I’m not willing to cross.” [NYT, LAT, WT]
• Coalition of conservative groups calls for Miers to withdraw in a “dramatic escalation in the battle over her nomination.” [WP, WSJ, WT]
• Iraq approves draft constitution; American death toll reaches 1,999. [WP, WP]
• Frist “has also been deeply involved in legislation affecting his family’s business” since arriving on Capitol Hill. [NYT]
• Parties ready talking points for possible indictments. [WSJ, WT]
• CIA leak scandal is rooted in disagreements over Iraq between administration officials and the “permanent bureaucracy of Washington”; Brent Snowcroft and Lawrence Wilkerson provide details of administration’s decision-making process. [WP]

• White House wants to exempt the CIA from ban on abuse of detainees; Cheney and Goss tried to persuade McCain. [WP, NYT]
• Joseph Wilson “helped propel the unmasking of his wife’s identity as a CIA operative into a sprawling, two-year legal probe that climaxes this week with the possible indictment of key White House officials.” [WP]
• Congress urged to increase oversight of the FBI. [NYT]
• Chertoff wants to reform DHS: “This is a job where an actuary would say that the risk of being criticized and having unpleasantness is extremely high. I did not go into this for pats on the back.” [NYT]
• Hutchison changes her tune on perjury; did not want Clinton to cause a “lessening of the standard.” [WP]
• House Republicans want oil companies to put profits into increasing capacity and improving infrastructures. [WT]
• Paul Hackett, Iraq war veteran, will seek Democratic Senate nomination in Ohio. [LAT]
• Mike Johanns loves his Saturday chores. [WP]

READ MORE: CIA, SCOTUS, White House, alan greenspan, ben bernanke, bill clinton, bill frist, conservatives, dick cheney, fbi, george tenet, george w. bush, harriet miers, iraq, joesph wilson, john mccain, kay bailey hutchison, leak investigation, lewis libby, michael chertoff, mike johanns, patrick fitzgerald, paul hackett, porter goss, ronald reagan, treatment of detainees, valerie plame

The Revolution Really May Not Be Blogged So Much

Tom Curry at MSNBC marvels at the new political power wielded by “bloggers”—people who possess the magic ability to conjure words from computer keyboards. Curry revisits the unexpectedly strong run that Gulf War vet Paul Hackett mounted in the recent Ohio contest to replace Bush trade representative Rob Portman in Portman’s heavily Republican district. Bloggers such as Bob Brigham of Swingstateproject.com—whose avowed mission is to recruit Democratic candidates to run for all 435 House seats in 2006—managed to gin up enough interest in Hackett’s campaign to get him within 4,000 votes of knocking off GOP favorite Jean Schmidt. This leads Curry to speculate:

The work of such bloggers as Bob Brigham … points toward a day when the traditional campaign — tailored by Washington-based consultants, centered on 30-second TV ads, with fund-raising driven by Washington-based party committees — might become obsolete.

To win the open seat in Iowa’s first congressional district next year, for example, one needs to know very place-specific details: Which are the reliably Democratic precincts in the city of Waterloo? How much will the United Auto Workers spend on get-out-the-vote efforts? When would be the right time to run the candidate’s 30-second radio ad in the Davenport market?

Democratic Bloggers Aim to Reshape Campaigns [MSNBC]

READ MORE: blogosphere, congress, elections, paul hackett

Ohio’s District Two: The Interpretive Dance

We were up late last night, crossing our fingers for handsome anti-war vet Paul Hackett to squeak out a victory in Ohio. But by the time the gin was gone, the race was called for the scary marathon-running pro-lifer. Imagine our surprise upon reading this morning that Hackett’s loss was, in fact, a sure sign of Republicans’ downfall; as Rep. Rahm Emanuel, chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, put it, “There’s no safe Republican district. You can run, but you cannot hide.” We asked Fred Becker to explain.

Dear Willie Wonka,
 
I need a vibrant two party system and this morning’s result from Ohio depresses me. Not because I am haunted by the skeletal frame of the Republican winner (is she planning on challenging Bush to a race?), but because the Democrats’ spin makes my brain curdle. Not to put too fine a point on it, but when the other candidate gets more votes, that’s a win.

Democrats might look to their “re-defeat” Bush strategy in 2004 that was so successful. While they have been talking about how they really won the 2000 and 2004 elections and existing in an alternate universe where all the wars are just and all the lunches are free, George Bush has redefined government for the next forty years. I’m sorry that I’m not very clever or original about this but I need conflict and strife in my two party system. When one party believes in fairies and incantations it means that they will be stuck fielding candidates wearing satin capes and toting collections of twine.     So, until I can find Rahm Emanuel’s inhaler or whatever will keep him from dishing out this drivel by the tumblerful, I remain,  Your faithful wisecracker with lower back pain, Fred

READ MORE: Democrats, Republicans, congress, fred becker, ohio, paul hackett, rahm emanuel

Can Hackett Hack It?

Ohio? Anyone? What kind of bellwether election can it be if no one’s leaking exit polls? We’ve been following some of the Right’s coverage of the race between Paul Hackett (handsome Iraq War vet Democrat) versus Jean Schmidt (sort of scary marathon-running lady Republican). Rush Limbaugh in particular has said that Dems pinning their hopes on this race just shows they don’t learn from their mistakes: You know, like from the last time they ran a veteran critical of the unpopular war he was in. So, really, the best part about Hackett winning in Ohio would be proving it really was John Kerry’s fault that John Kerry lost.

Ohio Special Election Could Be ‘06 Bellwether [Fox News]

READ MORE: Democrats, Republicans, congress, jean schmidt, john kerry, paul hackett, rush limbaugh