Wonkette

See, this is what I love about Wonkette. Before today, I didn't even know Hillary was French.

I finally have a reasonable explanation for my strange attraction to her despite, well, everything.

Wait, didn't Gore beat him to the powerpoint thing, and Ross Perot to the 'Laughs with Graphs' gig?

Still, there IS "Mitt.TV"

"It was amazing," an auto exec tells us. "I mean he didn't just make claims. He had the graphs to back him up!"

This is why Americans manufacturing is in such trouble. Our executives can be easily wowed by a 3-D pie-chart in much the same way the Zombies in "Land of the Dead" were distracted by the fireworks displays overhead. I must confess that we were skeptical at first, Mr. Kim, but after you showed us that bitchin' bulleted list with the explosions and clapping sounds we DEFINITELY want to buy Daewoo motors!

but what about his hair?
I am kind of surprised the concern over his 'too perfect' hair didn't make it into this post.

I think hes missing one Bogeyman. The Mooninites of ATHF obviously scare the bejezzus out of 'mericans.

Tested, intelligent, get-it-done, turnaround CEO governor from a heathen, godless evil state.

Mitt's just bitter he couldn't score more converts during his mission. He shouldn't be surprised, though; who needs polygamy when the mistress is the most deurable social institution? And did he think anybody in France could get with that "lingerie magique"?

"Tested, intelligent, get-it-done, turnaround CEO governor"

Oh, yeah. Our last one of these is doing a bang-up job so far.
Whoops, how did that intelligent descriptor get in there?

"He's the PowerPoint president. Very few people could pull this off and not look wonkish."
Name one.

He's had seven different opinions on every issue.

And that's just since last week.

I absolutely adore the Hilary = France thing, but when these people are producing such priceless pieces of self-satire, what are we commentators left to do? Between that and the Spirit of Strom Thurmond thing from the Dick Cheney assassination post, I just might have to find a new way to avoid working.

His hatred of France probably means that he didn't convert many French folks to Mormonism during his missionary work. To his credit, it probably is tough to convince the average Frenchman to give up both alcohol AND cigarettes.

On a side subject, could UMass Amherst be considered French in some way? Is that why he did his best to kill the campus?

His greatest weakness? A name that reminds you of pitchers and catchers - I understand he's the latter...

Is magic underwear a positive or a negative?

@Terry:
Terry,

Don't forget caffeine. A Frenchman without coffee is just another bad-tempered Englishman.

This is fantastic. And of course Hillary's French because we know how all those French women are secretly lesbians. And they don't shave.

Does "First, not France" make any sense to anyone? Is that implying that the USA's traditional values come first, before foul Euro-French values? It's a clunky slogan. How is there ever a choice between "first" and "France"?

Pretty funny, but pretty scary, given that all the contenders probably go through this exercise...

If Powerpoint existed in the 1930's imagine what Hitler's perceived positives, negatives and "Bogeymen" would have looked like?

Easiest way to cut the Pentagon's budget!
Ban the use of Power Point!

Mitt will be wowed by every new idea out of the Pentagon.
There are hundreds & hundreds of colonels in that hulk that do nothing all day but create Power Point presentations of new weapon systems.
None of this shit ever works, but they make nice colorful slide shows, complete with bang up sound effects!
Look for the budget deficit to hit 100 trillion a year & Halliburton to have profits of 100 trillion a year.
Could there be a connection, hmm!

Isn't being sent to France as a Mormon missionary kinda like serving in the Texas Air National guard in Vietnam?

So, if I understand this correctly: if Mitt Romney gets the nomination, then the U.S. will find itself forced to choose between Mormonism and Existentialism?

Choice 1: Vote for Obama and be condemned to spend eternity at a small café smoking Galois, drinking impossibly thick coffee, and debating whether the nothingness of you existence has, at least been authentic nothingness as opposed to inauthentic nothingness, while occasionally battling life's ennui by having meaningless sex with your bisexual mistress of 27 years who lives across the street from you, but has never seen the point of moving in, or even staying all night, or even asking you what your last name is.

Choice 2: Vote for Romney and be condemned to spend eternity bicycling around Tegucigalpa in a white, short-sleeved shirt and black tie with a companion with whom you share an unspoken, vaguely homo-erotic attraction, going door to door and asking people about their relationship with Jesus and whether they realize they are the descendants of the lost tribe of Israel.

Hmmm.... can I take a look at that voter guide one more time?

"First Not France" - if you talk to some conservatives, they are convinced that Europe (and especially France) are on the decline, morally bankrupt and the people sit around all day drinking wine and eating food they can't pronounce. I think it's supposed to mean America is strong and France is weak.

Of course as my German ex-pat boss who lived in France told me one night when he sent me off to find a resturant on my own, "you should find any resturant here in Grenoble to be excellent. Afterall, you're an American".

He's an idiot.

Oh, yes, a German certainly has room to talk about food.

I love the French more and more every day. They probably blew smoke up his nose and spit coffee onto his white shirt and didn't even pretend to listen as he spun his lies about magic lizards and mystical printing plates, and how Native Americans are the lost tribe of Israel. They probably even scoffed at his missionary bicycle. And then they said, "Of course I speak English, but not to you, you of the magical undergarments." Omigod, would I pay to see that.

LDS sending a missionary to France would be like sending a cannibal to the moon.

So Mitt would begin his personal planet spiel and have Gauloise smoke blown in his face by a bunch of bagette-munching cafe-au-lait imbibers.

Very bitter, very bitter...

So did Mitt and Rudy go to the same "How to Blindly Leak Sensitive Documents to the Media" seminar?

"First, not France" sounds almost a stupid as those god-awful "Texas is bigger than France" bumperstickers I see sometimes. Who the fuck cares? Besides, isn't France kinda old news now?

Maybe it should say "First strike, not Farsi"...

...makes about as much sense as anything else.

What's all this PowerPointification now?
Gore won an Oscar for his .ppt 2 days ago, now the Mormom is the "PowerPoint President".

I cannot imagine a 77-slide presentation delivered by a Mormom. I'd collapse by the slide 28.

And he hates France, where he did his Mormon mission? He'd hate most of the other countries too, because most foreigners are sick of mormoms. It's the religion, stupid!

We still have Paris (and Britney)

i kinda like Europe's standards.

I gave up Gitanes and Galois long ago, but... Choice 1! Choice 1!

I'm in marketing Mitt -- and I'll tell you what your brand currently stands for: you're a twat.

@disinformationministry:
Dis:

Hilarious! The French have a great sense of humor, with the exception fo the jerry Lewis thing. This reminds me of a French academic who works with my group. At a lunch, he was overheard saying her enjoyed the cheese being served. A couple of conservative Americans in our group remarked how wonderful it was that a Frenchman would finally step off his culinary high-horse and praise American cheese. He replied \,"Yes, it is quite excellent cheese. A pity you had no fromage."

Living in Boston will make you hate it, but still, man, that's pretty classless. Granted, there's no love lost between Romney and the State of Massachusetts, but this signals a shift in trends: will attacking the state you're governor of become the new trend in American politics?

I can see it now: "Delaware Sucks. Vote Biden." I'd buy it.

Coming from the Globe, I wouldn't believe for one second that this so-called document is conveyed to the public with any accuracy. This proven leader can win because he is so straight forward and honest but may not because of all of the lies about him. Talk to anyone who has met him and you would see differently than the media who has to attack hard and often on a person who has so much ability and a proven record of service in his church and to the people wherever he has been.

I love how his staff came up with the brilliant idea of "running against" Hillary Clinton, in the same way that you run against, say, abortion or gun control.

News flash, Romney campaign: if by some happenstance you make it out of the primaries, there's a very good chance that you will be literally running against Hillary Clinton.

Friggin' braniacs.

@fitzwilly: Jesus Christ, is Peter Ragone now working (and anonymously commenting in blogs) for Mitt Romney?

@fitzwilly: "a proven record of service in his church"?

Outside of Utah and maybe Bloomfield Hills, MI, this might not be such a popular stance, considering most non-LDS "mainline" Christian sects consider LDS apostate, with ~40% ready to say "non" to Mitt & Co. It ain't gonna happen.

Meaning, is this here Yewknighted States ready to elect devout Mormon elder for POTUS? I don't think the JFK 9/12/60 "Give a papist a chance" speech can be recycled for a Mormon in this Age of Fear and Loathing, considering the self-imposed shtetlbantustan that they have decided to call Fortress Deseret.

Sell improbable someplace else, we're all stocked up here...

hello I'm a french student, and as I was checking news about what's happening in the US, I found out this, and it made me wonder... do somebody knows why a lot of Americans hate French poeple? do you think we're rude or something like that? What's odd is the fact that there are two points of vue in the US (that's what I've just concluded) somee poeple HATE us, and the other ones admire us a bit too much. We are not ET, we're human beings, exactly as you! Before leaving I would also add that we french girls are not all lesbians, we love men a much as americans!