Remainders: It’s Hardly an Opera

• The Washington Wire’s sense of humor isn’t dead after all; it’s just very badly burned. [WSJ]

• Seems like the righteous application of blog-pressure got Garrett to confirm his leap out of the FishBowl. Now the question is: Who can fill his shoes, er, his baseball cap? [Fishbowl DC; Big Head Rob]

• Telecom companies and internet service providers, blah blah, web content producers and users, blah, this whole net neutrality thing was totally boring — until we started reading the comments to Mike McCurry’s latest post. [HuffPo]

• The two-month-old janitors’ strike at the University of Miami has ended. Reports that Donna Shalala caved after noticing all the dust on her crystal chandelier are unconfirmed. [SEIU]

• Bush can sing the national anthem in English or in Spanish, but pandering is the international language. [Think Progress]

READ MORE: Remainders, bush, computers, donna shalala, fishbowl dc, fishbowldc, garrett graff, george w. bush, huffington post, huffpo, internet, josh bolten, law, mike mccurry, resignations, university of miami, wall street journal, web-based policies

Team Party Crash: The Week Opinion Awards

A well-placed fern adds a touch of nature to your giant, panel-dwarfing doric columns.

Busy week so far for Wonkette. Last night saw us at some sort of weird auditorium/ballroom thing attached to the EPA (no one knew what purpose the space served, except for hosting panel discussions in a fancier-than-usual setting) for The Week Opinion Awards (in Partnership with The Aspen Institute). It was a blast, of course, though we admit that we don’t remember the awards bit, or the round-table bit, or the speeches, as we were having way too much fun schmoozing and drinking. We’re sure the winners were very deserving, though. Despite our not winning.

And boy, what a star-studded occasion it was. Froomkin! Arianna Huffington! Sid Blumenthal! Froomkin! Our full (hazily-reconstructed, actually) report, complete with exclusive photos from Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter, after the jump.

We ran into Reason editor Nick Gillespie as soon as we stepped out of our cab, which was a good sign: as we’ve mentioned before, getting drunk with Libertarians improves any Washington night out.

Once we got inside and marveled at the fancy baroque high-ceilingedness of it all (and hit the open bar), we proceeded to schmoozing. We met Dan Froomkin(!), who looks a bit like a high school chemistry teacher (but, you know, the one you liked and who’d get you really excited about stoichiometry or something, before you had your love for education sucked out by an underpaid misanthropic calculus teacher or something), and Tom Toles, who talked to us about blogs for while we wanted to talk about cartoons and pissing off the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Toles was appropriately cantankerous, wondering why he’d bothered to show up despite not getting an award. His conclusion (and ours): Free dinner.
“What table you want? 4? I can get you 4. I can get you 4, bro, no problem.”

Our fear that we’d start giggling if introduced prevented us from actually talking to him, but we did consider throwing a cell phone at Tony Blankley, who does not blog. We would’ve blamed it on Walter Isaacson. That guy’s a menace.
Table Report: One of us got Arianna Huffington (superhumanly charming), the other got Patrick Gavin from FishbowlDC/the Examiner (tall) and The Hill’s Jackie Kucinich (almost as cute as her dad). We both got Newshour correspondents (someone’s idea of a joke, no doubt — seat us with our polar opposites).
“Is that… is that… FROOMKIN?

The table chat was the usual Beltway insider stuff: The lack of congressional inquiries into the death of Biggie, Easy-E’s legacy, and Katie Couric’s new eyes. Then Senator Chris Dodd started talking about a federal shield law and everyone got kinda sleepy. It was at this point that we took the first of several cigarette breaks, leading us to miss the portion of the evening where the awards were given away. Whoops. If you want that kinda stuff, go to Fishbowl. Senator Bill Nelson was there, but he left just before we got a chance to ask him if Katherine Harris had him running scared.
Anyway, our notes from the panel discussion (about whether White House correspondents are real journalists) are completely useless (they read: “Kucinich: Hates mashed potatoes, freedom”), but we remember Arianna using the best metaphor ever, which we shall reconstruct from memory: “It’s like your husband is cheating on you with your sister, and you get upset when he brings you dark instead of milk chocolate.” No idea what she was referring to. Poor Michael Massing and John Dickerson sat at either end and were nearly invisible behind the Mike McCurry/Blankley/Huffington juggernaut of punditry. Sydney Blumenthal was called on to ask a question, which, after 15 minutes of talking about something-or-other, he neglected to do.
Oh, she’s on her Tupac conspiracy kick again…

And no one answered the question about whether White House correspondents are journalists. We kept waiting for a show of hands at the end or something.
(Sir) Herald Evans: Someone told us before the panel that Evans is basically Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes. This ruined/made wonderful the rest of the night.
“Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘opinion’ as…”

Afterwards, once Sir Evans had finished demanding that his friends be given microphones, most people ran for the door, but we stayed on to drunkenly chat with Sir Evans and Sir Andrew Sullivan (right?) and Dame Arianna (why not!), all of whom said all sorts of fabulous things that we can’t print.
Patrick Gavin’s dark secret: karaoke. We’ll tell you where and when for the right price.

Also unprintable: Original Wonkette and Mr. Original Wonkette giggled and passed notes the whole night, but wouldn’t let us see them because they were “too mean.” Then Mr. Original Wonkette offerred Liz a dollar to ask Senator Dodd if he had any thoughts on the proposed federal shield law.
Sir Herald Evans: Gotta dance.
“And stay away from the Forbidden Zone!”
“Don’t call on me. Don’t call on me. Don’t call on me. Oh man, he can tell I didn’t study.”
Please insert your own “Brokeback” “I did not blog” mash-up joke here.

Update: Crashing Team Party Crash: Original Wonkette Speaks

READ MORE: Media, andrew sullivan, arianna huffington, biggie, bill nelson, chris dodd, froomkin, harold evans, jackie kucinich, john dickerson, liz gorman, mike mccurry, mr. original wonkette, original wonkette, parties, party crash, planet of the apes, sydney blumenthal, team party crash, tom toles, tony blankley, tupac, walter isaacson

Daily Briefing: ‘Theater of the Absurd’

• Administration and Sen. Frist (R-Tenn.) agree on 45-day review of Dubai port deal. Scott McClellan: “We believe, however, the additional time and investigation at the request of the company will provide Congress with a better understanding of the facts, and that Congress will be comfortable with the transaction moving forward once it does.” [WP, NYT, NYT, W$J, USAT]
• States make decisions on the “morning-after” pill as the FDA wavers. [WP]
• Army will reimburse Halliburton subsidiary for nearly $2.4b despite findings of overcharges. [NYT]
• Bush sets off on whirlwind two-day tour of India. [NYT]
• Mike McCurry on the White House press briefings: “It has turned into a theater of the absurd.” Ari Fleischer: “The public perceives the press not as watchdogs but as attack dogs.” [NYT]

• American Red Cross dropped $500,000 on public relations expenses over the past three years. [WP]
• Sen. McCain’s vote to extend Bush tax cuts is viewed as strategic move for ‘08 — and a “political flip-flop.” [WT]
• Governors complain the administration has reduced the effectiveness of the National Guard. [NYT]
• Texas nonprofit critical of Rep. DeLay is cleared by the IRS. [WP]
• RNC begins e-mail blitz against Sen. Clinton. [WT]

READ MORE: 2006, 2008, White House, ari fleischer, army, bill frist, dubai, fda, george w. bush, halliburton, hillary clinton, homeland security, india, john mccain, mike mccurry, morning after pill, national guard, port deal, red cross, rnc, scott mccellan, white house press briefings

Gossip Roundup: Whodonit?

• Reliable Source: Bill Clinton and Alan Greenspan lunched at the Four Seasons… Mike McCurry admits apathy on the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes drama. [WP]
• Under the Dome: Sen. Jim Talent (R-Mo.) turns against his roommate, Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan.), over stem cell legislation… Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio) has heard every boner joke… Senators to star in “comedic whodunit” production for charity. [The Hill]
• Rush & Molloy: Cheney may have been trying to cover up the presence of Pamela Willeford, ambassador to Switzerland, at the hunt. [NYDN]

READ MORE: Personalities, alan greenspan, bill clinton, dick cheney, hunting, jim talent, john boehner, katie holmes, mike mccurry, pamela willeford, sam brownback, tom cruise

Gossip Roundup: Poolers Confronted

• Reliable Source: Sen. Barack Obama on winning his Grammy: “I’m going for an Emmy next year, best supporting actor in a drama starring John McCain.”… Richie Sambora was partying with Mike McCurry as news of his divorce from Heather Locklear was breaking… John Roberts has friendly run in with Carol Channing at GWU. . . Fictional black president in “24” receives warm welcome in D.C. [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Ann Compton and Mike Allen scuffle with one of the Pope’s nuns. [NYDN]
• Cindy Adams: Fictional, “nasty” love affair is written about Bush and Martha Stewart. [NYP]

READ MORE: 24, Barack Obama, Personalities, Richie Sambora, ann compton, carol channing, george w. bush, heather locklear, john g. roberts, john mccain, martha stewart, mike allen, mike mccurry, pope

Gossip Roundup: Creating Buzz

• Reliable Source: Steven Spielberg hired Mike McCurry to build beltway buzz about “Munich”… Dedicated reader counts the number of exclamation points used by Amy Argetsinger and Roxanne Roberts. [WP]

READ MORE: Personalities, amy argetsinger, mike mccurry, munich, reliable source, roxanne roberts, steven spielberg

Gossip Roundup: The ‘Regular’ Justice?

• Washington Whispers: This week the RNC will release clips of top Democrats warning of the threat from Iraq… Samuel Alito is a “regular guy,” meaning he drives a 1999 Ford Taurus to purchase generic items from Safeway… Ted Kennedy’s position on Medicare was ripped by Jimmy Smits on “The West Wing”… Mike McCurry, John Podesta are advising Viktor Yushchenko, the president of Ukraine… Bush gave Laura green earrings and a necklace for her birthday. [USN&WR]
• Inside the Beltway: Bushes went to church without their pool reporter. [WT]
• Rush & Molloy: Clinton avoids solo picture with supermodel… Republican operatives are investigating Clinton’s relationship with a Westcheter divorcee… Al Franken to Arianna Huffington: “We can [bleep] now!” [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: Autographed copy of Libby’s novel goes for $24,000. [NYP]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Grove is auctioning his signed copy of Libby’s novel on eBay. [NYDN]
• Cindy Adams: McCain publishes new book for parents and kids. [NYP]

READ MORE: Democrats, Personalities, Republicans, al franken, arianna huffington, bill clinton, george w. bush, iraq, john mccain, john podesta, laura bush, lewis libby, mike mccurry, samuel alito, ted kennedy, viktor yushchenko