Wonkette

Hooray for the New Year! Everything will suddenly be totally different now, and somehow much more awesome! Ha ha, not really. But it is important to have Resolutions so you can disappoint yourself right out of the gate. Here goes:

• We aren’t ever going to post about congressional staffer Todd Shriber, who got caught soliciting “hackers” to somehow fix his dismal GPAs and then got fired by Montana Rep. Denny Rehberg. Why? Because we got about 700 tips about this story, each one increasingly frantic and angry that we hadn’t already posted the item. Sometimes you’ve got to take a stand, draw a line in the sand, etc.
• No more “Is Gerald Ford dead yet?” jokes.
• Whenever caught writing “2006” on a check, will blurt out, “I can’t believe it’s 2007 already, and here I am still writing ‘Fuck the Pope’ on my checks!”
• Figure out where that 20-year-old pope/check gag came from … Bill Hicks or somebody like that?
• At least one item in our daily “To Do” list will be something that’s good for your soul: charitable work, a spiritual lecture, educational pursuits, etc. (Ha ha, right.)
• Will start referring to Marion Barry exclusively as “Butterstick.”
• No more mistreating the precious legacy of George W. Bush. What if all the people are all wrong and he’s right about everything? Ever think of that, smarty jones?

Spears Falls Asleep In Vegas Nightclub [Washington Post]