Adele!

The Pony isn’t Adele’s first brush with controversy lunacy:
Oh, Adele. You’re a girl after our own hearts.

The Pony in this one is the mind-boggling idea of her having a husband — if that’s true, wouldn’t the poor man say that after every single word she writes?

An intrepid reader picked up the phone and called up Adele’s paper to learn a little more about the woman behind the magic:

I took advantage of my lunch break yesterday to call the Kitsap Business Journal. More than morbid, car-crash-variety curiosity, I wanted confirmation that it is indeed a real paper with real people making editing decisions, and not some Onion joke gone awry.

Anyway, a beleagured, Lieberman/Eeyore sounding editor answered with: “All right, let me have it.” Said that I was welcome to write a letter but I’d be about the 1,200th person to do so. Said his paper is contractually obligated to run Adele (pronounced with a long A, by the way), unedited. It seems that Adele is something of a celebrity in Washington state because her column is syndicated there. Added that he would have “taken a red pen” to some of her more inflammatory statements. (Leaving only, “By Adele Ferguson” on the page, I presume.)

He said that very little of the response came from locals and the reaction was from folks like me who saw it on Wonkette. He even lamented that he’d been called every name in the book at that point. (I bit my tongue to keep from pointing out that black folks hadn’t had such a hot day either thanks to the KBJ.) I said that that syndication contract seems to put him in quite a bind, and I felt for him and could even make a free speech argument, but that he might want to proceed with a little more caution when she submits her “pony hidden in the Holocaust” or “pony hidden in Sept. 11” columns.

Oooh, we like that idea! The pony in Kristallnacht is that it gave a lot of people a good excuse to replace some old windows!

The only way we could love this story more is if Adele pulls a Clooney.

Great Job!! [Voices of Palestine]
Earlier: Folks, Meet Your New Catchphrase
The Pony in Corporate Consolidation

READ MORE: adele fergusen, emails, kitsap, operatives, race, reporting, the pony in slavery

Folks, Meet Your New Catchphrase

You know, generally, it’s not worth our time to go after all the insane, barely literate halfwits who write editorials and columns for our nation’s less prestigious papers. ‘Cause, really, it’s shooting fish in a barrel. It’s like sending Robert Christgau to review karaoke night at the Reef. Sure, it’s bad, but who cares — these people are amateurs. But every now and then, one of these lunatics comes up with a column so brilliant, so perfect, so unbalanced, that we must emerge from our decadent coastal enclave and enter the great uncharted middle of the country to bring back to our godless readers the Word. This is one of those columns:

One of these days before I die, I hope to see a shift in the attitudes of so many of my black brothers and sisters in this great country we share, from perpetual victimhood, to pride in their achievements on the road from slave to American citizen.

Remember Ronald Reagan’s story about the kid who had to shovel a huge pile of manure? He went about it with such joy he was asked why and said, “With all that manure, there’s got to be a pony in there somewhere.”

The pony hidden in slavery is the fact that it was the ticket to America for black people.

Oh, if only there were a way to register a spit take in xhtml.

“The pony in slavery,” people. Like the toy in a box of Cap’n Crunch. If Cap’n Crunch were, say, made of poison. And it took several generations and thousands of lives to get to the toy. And then when you got the toy, you weren’t allowed to play with it for another hundred years.

Adele Fergusen, we love you.

Why do blacks continue to support Democrats? [KPBJ]

READ MORE: adele fergusen, catchphrases, fun surprises at the end of each two hundred years of subjegation, holy shit, jeez, louise…, kitsap, no, really, just… wow, race, slavery, the pony in slavery, very very very very poorly thought-out metaphors