Wonkette

If someone pointed a gun at derbyshire, he would instantaneously shit his pants and whimper like the baby he is.

Oh boy! Another national tragedy I can exploit to draw unique daily hits to my blog!

Do as I fantasize, not as I would undoubtedly do.

This turdbucket's the odds-on nominee for Worst Person in the World, and for once the title's not just cute hyperbole.

* Placing hands upon John Derbyshire *

May God grant you the opportunity to rush a gunman with an automatic with an extended clip.

"And even if hit, a .22 needs to find something important to do real damage-your chances aren't bad."

I can think of one way to test that.

If we must blame the victims, can't we start with Tom DeLay?

That is what you learned from flight 93??? If you fight back bravely you will all die anyway?

What God forsaken country do you live in? Are you French?

Please, all of you. Go hide under your beds until the rest of us make the bad man go away.

Try not pissing yourself cause I'll have to clean that up too.

@WIDTAP: Bravo!

If it's any consolation to him, I too wish that he could've traded places with one of the victims at VT.

All the mean liberals want to take my guns away, so I fear I'll never have the chance to stick a muzzle up Derbyshire's twatnose.

@Senator Boomdog: I for one, sir, support your right, nay obligation, to stick a muzzle up Dorkyshire's twatnose. However, punching said twatnose repeatedly may be far more satisfying.

So you may keep your gun, but we'll have to rename a "twatnose cleaner."

PS--That's a personal record for the use of twatnose.

Sometimes I'll deliberately try to think of the most outrageous, inappropriate or just plain stupid thing to write in response to a serious issue ... but then I'm just a nobody having a laugh on the company dime instead of going out for a cigarette. This guy does it for a living? I'm in the wrong game.

If EVERY student had been carrying a weapon, they could have formed a circle around the killer and all fired at once. That woulda shown the anti gun crowd.
GUNS don't kill people. Sometimes.

Wait, all you need to overcome a gunman are some brass ones? What's the NRA all about, then?

Annie Coulter's 'bizzaro world' tranny opposite?

And yet, someone at the National Review sits down each month and writes out a check to this douchebag. I'll bet Derbyshits would take a bullet to protect that asshole.

So when is Johnny boy going into the Octagon to get his lips slapped off?

Yeah, well, what would old Iron John do if confronted by a Korean English major armed with something more deadly than a mere 9mm Glock?!?:

(From MSN.com:) "I remember one of [the Krazy Korean's college plays] It was about a son who hated his stepfather. In the play, the boy threw a chainsaw around and hammers at him. But the play ended with the boy violently suffocating the father with a Rice Krispy treat," Derry said.

DROP THE MELTED MARSHMELLOW CONVECTION AND BACK AWAY SLOWLY WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!

Sorry: "Marshmallow."

"Marshmellow" is the Russian version, chambered for 7.62mm x 39mm AK round.

I guess research of any kind is out of the question for folks at the National Review. Here's a gunshot wound specialist:
"Any one who has seen many gun shot wounds must be impressed with the bizarre and unpredictable course a bullet takes when penetrating human tissue"
A widow whose husband died of a self inflicted .22 pistol wound:
"I asked the doctor why he only had that little
mark on his jaw. He said, "Mrs. Harris, it bounced around inside his head."
I could go on. It's just so remarkably unfunny.

Yes, the man claims to own guns, but also claims to be able to be able count spent rounds to predict what's left in the magazine. Um, turn off the Encore Western Channel, Mr Derbyshire; no one is walking around with a six-shooter anymore.

At least he can expect a lovely "Thank you for making me look reasonable" bouquet from Imus tommorow.

Here's my business idea: a war fantasy theme park for chickenhawk neocons, kind of like paintball, only more so. Visitors like Prince Valient here could do incredibly brave shit, then blog about it as if it were reality. Who wants a prospectus?

Did anyone mention to dude that college students are like... kids??? Jeebus, man.

I don't know about y'all, but at my Virginia college, we always make sure to run through test scenarios involving rogue gunmen. It's usually after our Scientology class and before our lecture on Conspiracy Theories; that way, none of us could try pulling that old cliched "victim" card. It's a shame John Derbyshire wasn't at Tech - he could have stopped the bullets with one hand, while lifting the entire Engineering building to safety with the other.

What a sick, disgusting man. The bodies of the victims of this massacre aren't even cold and Derbyshire and other right-wing vultures are blaming them for not acting like life is a Bruckheimer=esque series of orgasmic action sequences.

It's a horrible shame, that even in the worst incident of gun violence in American history - one in which many acts of heroism were performed - these trigger-happy goons of the right would say that the best prevention is for college students and professors to come to class heavy.

Maybe fewer guns would be more sensible than expectations that ordinary people can turn into Jack Bauer at the pop of a gun.

"24" can be an entertaining program, I just never knew it was an erotic fantasy.

I am certain that the families and friends of the dead who read this will wish he had been there to "count the shots and jump him reloading or changing hands" and "to take a run at the guy."

It's instructive that he refers to himself in this same post as the NRO's "designated chickenhawk." Come back and yap about "the spirit of self-defence" (sic; he is English, you know) when he's put it to the test.

Good call, FlownOver, although Derbyshire being Worst Person might have been the ironclad lock of the year. Congrats to everyone else that had him in your Douchebag office pools; O'Reilly can't win every night.

@Edsdesk: Fuck that shit - Every transman (both of 'em!) I've ever known would beat the ever-loving shit out of this douche.

I am aghast at the fuckers who are seriously advocating that kids in dorms should carry guns. Kids in dorms drink a lot and do a lot of drugs and are generally irresponsible and in *cough*some cases*cough* smuggle kegs into the dorms and break bottles over each other's heads and whack each other with lacrosse sticks and...well, let's just say that in 1998 McCollum Hall would have been a particularly bad place to keep guns around. Maybe the conservative pundits know more than me and maybe things have changed in those 9 long years and now everyone loves God and Jesus and guns and stuff.

But I doubt it.

Who is this fuckwit, and why does he think what he says is okay? And why does whatever fuckwit publication this fuckwit writes for let him publish this idiocy?

Honestly, this ass won't be satisfied until someone tries to shoot him, and he can go all elderly incontinent rambo on the shooter.

I'm on vacation in Czech Republic, pretending to be Canadian, and might just stay here. What the fuck is wrong with you Americans?

I swear to god, Flight 93 is like the Godwin's Law of calling innocent victims pussies.

As an Aussie I must concur with Pelagius. Seriously, when it comes to guns why is it you all seem to transubstantiate into unhinged Charlton Heston clones?

Dictionary: "Derbyshire...a piece of shit with feet that sips tea at odd hours"...

When he dies -- hopefully of a gunshot wound from a crazed madman who wasn't planning on shooting anyone until Derbyshire rushed him like he was in an action movie -- the world will be a better place. Or at least the Internet will.

Could someone please pull this fuckwit's Blockbuster card? Thank you.

@Pelagius: He's English. Which is why he felt such deep shame about the British sailors not getting killed for the sake of his never-quite-arrived manhood.

@PeteJayhawk: Yes, let's arm the biggest group of binge drinkers (not that there's anything wrong with that) in American society.

Hey, Pelagius Welcome to Prague! I've been here 9 years. Was in the states recently for 10 days and it just reinforced my desire to stay here forever.

How does this asshat know that none of the victims did, in fact, take a run at the shooter and get his, her or their head(s) blown off?

@mediahohoho:

Can we make Regents University the test case? Not only would it thin their herd quite a bit, but some of the remaining thumpers might just leave there with a better understanding of what Darwin was going on about all those years ago.

Every single one of these brave conservative commentators truly, deeply believes that he is Jack Bauer. John Derbyshire is just the only one stupid enough to say so out loud. Repeatedly.

I've been listening to these John Wayne aficionados for thirty-five years. None ever seriously consider serving in the military, especially during a war, and they all tell how courageous they would be when they are packing. I can not get them to believe that, even when holding serious firepower in your hands, when the rounds start incoming and ESPECIALLY when you have to aim and pop one off, no one, NO ONE, can accurately predict what they will do.

Sorry folks, no humor for a weasel like this; not when 32 kids went down the other day, another 3,300 in the Irafistan War and 65,000 in Vietnam and this bozo knows, KNOWS more guns will solve the problem.

@Hetero Sapiens: I don't know about the binge drinking aspect, but the staggering amount of illicit butt sex is bound to get some panties in a twist. Especially among the guys.

@Jeff-in-Kabul:

sar·casm /ˈsɑrkæzəm/

-noun
1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.
2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark.

Had an unarmed Derbydoo been in a VT classroom he would have leapt upon the shooter and scratched his eyes out with long, painted fingernails. Some hair pulling might have also been involved. Also, a bit of taunting. Maybe some face biting too.

@Jeff-in-Kabul: Hey Jeff, how is that "make the bad man go away" thing working out for you? You guys get Osama yet? Or has "the bad man" morphed into multiple heavily armed factions fueled by piety and greed? Couldn't have seen that coming...

I'm downgrading John Derbyshire from "asswipe" to "Boo Radleyesque idiot man-child."

@AnimatronicCheney: Heh, exactly what scale is this on? Can I get a copy?

John is the REAL hero of 4-16! Check it out:

http://johnderbyshirejr.blogspot.com/

@PeteJayHawk: To give a more nuanced representation of dipshittery, I use subjective 1 to 10 ratings of obliviousness (x), stupidity (y), and malice (z) to create a three-dimensional plot of the subjects location in fuckwadspace.

Based on these recent comments, I reduced Derbyshire's malice and sharply increased his stupidity and obliviousness ratings. This moves with out of the asswipe area (or "Cheney quadrant") into the far upper-right corner, often called the George Bush-Lenny Small cluster.

When Bert Lahr did it, it was cute. When Derbyshire and the 101st Fighting Keyboardists do it, it's so far beyond disgusting it's putrescent.

Dorothy: Your majesty, if you were king, you wouldn't be afraid of anything?
Cowardly Lion: Not nobody. Not nohow.
Tin Woodsman: Not even a rhinoceros?
Cowardly Lion: Imposerous!
Dorothy: Supposing you met an elephant?
Cowardly Lion: I'd wrap him up in cellophant.
Dorothy: What about a hippopotamus?
Cowardly Lion: I'd thrash him from top to bottomus.
Scarecrow: What if it were a brontosaurus?
Cowardly Lion: I'd show him who was king of the forest.

Derbyshire's unacknowledged love-child comments on VT shootings and encourages guilt among the survivors:

http://www.humanevents.com/rightangle/index.php?id=22093&t...

"Something is clearly wrong with the men in our culture."

I do love it when men who spend hours sitting in lakes and in stands near lakes waiting for the birdies to fly out think that faced with a real life human shooting with no apparent plan, they're all going to turn into Chuck Norris.

Judging from the phenomenon of ringing cellphones in class, if students did bring weapons to class they would have to dig through their backpack's textbooks, scrap paper, rolling paper and t-shirts to find said weapon, by which time everyone would be dead.

@sluggo: I love it - "Among the first rules of manliness are fighting bad guys and protecting others."

Where can I find these Rules of Manliness?

@PeeJay:
The rules are between the author's tube of hair gel and his jar of moisturizer.

I once actually had the opportunity to disarm a guy who was about to cut another guy with a smashed bottle. It was gut-reaction thing, standing right there next to drunk belligerent and intended victim, I didn't think about it at all. Weird-ass scream and goofy karate chop (I kid you not), a couple fellow bystanders forcibly eject said belligerent from the premises and suddenly everybody is safe again.

However, if I was standing near someone actively discharging the contents of a semiautomatic pistol, I think my gut reaction would have involved the feets moving at a rapid clip, rather than the hand striking a mighty blow.

Derbyshire's views have since been specifically endorsed by others such as Nathanael Blake ("Where were the men?"). Before the parents of the surviving young men who barely escaped with their lives have even finished hugging them, their children are tagged as cowards by men who couldn't possibly know what went on in that building.

I suppose the parents of the dead won't ever know, being too wrapped up in their grief.

On the other hand, blaming the victims (including those who got out alive) for being wussies is a nice distraction from the questions raised by the fact that the shooter had such ready access to handguns.

I, too, once had the esteemed opportunity to disarm a crazed mad man. It is not as difficult as you all describe it. I was at a party when I was in college and a large man dressed in black broke down the door, screaming and wielding a large stick. He waved it around with the awesome dexterity of some sort of large, mutant turtle. Possibly of the teenage ninja variety. The stick seemed to glow a fluorescent green and he repeatedly cut down the small animals that were flying around him. I saw in his eyes that his next target would be the defenseless toads sitting on the couch. At once, I knew what to do. I threw a pillow at him and he dropped his weapon. I single handedly prevented a massacre.

John Derbyshire is the bravest sounding man on Earth, and only writes columns.

Basil Fawlty wants his face back, Derbyshire...

Derbyshire vs. unprofilable, highly motivated 23-year old Korean assailant, dressed in demi-tactical get-up going Grammaton Cleric First Class Gun Kata on his Limey git ass...what a tool!

Given how miserably awry Mark Steyn's cocky pronouncements about the war in Iraq have panned out,* it would seem prudent of him to tread gingerly across the rhetorical battlefield of Virginia Tech and act like less of an asinine know-it-all equipped with a laughtrack machine.

Really, a bunch of you people are in Prague???

Malé náměstí 13, babies. And Kobylisy, and various industrial districts I've forgotten.

I'm still waiting for Mr. Derbyshire to regale us with stories of dering-do from his days in the heroic service of Her Majesty... Oh, that's right- When his country called upon him, he was hiding under the bed along side Dubya and Dickie.

Maybe someone can loan him one those flash jackets these clowns wear when they are standing on the decks of aircraft carriers...

Who needs courage when you've got chutzpah, eh John?