Wonkette

Oh and another PECULIAR thing happened today at the Confederate Racetrack, aside from Hank Williams Jr. trying to mate with Sarah Palin. Some deaf wingnuts in the crowd yelled for Palin to speak louder, prompting Palin to call them slimy troop-hating brown Osama terrorists in response. She did this because she is, what else, a Maverick, and Mavericks will call their own cheering supporters illegal terrorists if Country requires it. MORE »

The Dow Jones Index rose 936 points as Obama’s lead solidified. (The Dow did this in 1929, too, but don’t tell the New York Post!)
An Obama Panic: Markets Feat His Policies [New York Post]

The scene: John McCain, Sarah Palin, a NASCAR venue, in the capital of the Confederacy, tens of thousands of hardcore Republicans, a performance by country hobo Hank Williams Jr. If your skin had higher melanin levels than, say, Bob Barr’s, THIS WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN A SAFE DAY TRIP. Otherwise, it seemed to be a pleasant affair today in Richmond. Williams sung a delightful song for Sarah Palin about how she is a woman. The lyrics included, “How can you be so smart and be such a good lookin’ dish?” ABC News adds, “The song compares Palin to a ‘momma bear in Idaho’ protecting her cubs, ready to protect America.” The senior senator from Idaho, in contrast, does not favor bears in Idaho protecting themselves. [ABC News]

• According to some preacher, the election will climax in a holy war between Allah, the God of Hawaii, and America. Obviously, this will all happen in Iowa. [Marc Ambinder]
• Bachelor of Mystery/Floridian Governor Charlie Crist is not going to even try to convince his state to vote for McCain anymore. [Andrew Sullivan]
• In 1996 John Hussein McCain attended a terrorist potluck sponsored by the violent Muslim communist organization known as “ACORN.” [Daily Kos]
• Maureen Dowd out-irrelevances herself. It’s not as sexy as it sounds. [AMERICAblog]
• What has John McCain done with the Earth’s supply of water? He’s moved it all to Arizona, for Jacuzzi Fun! [Ben Smith]

THIRTEEN DAYS, people, THIRTEEN DAYS it took this year to hear about some sweet Cocktober 2008 action. People just aren’t having as much inappropriate scandal sex this year, who knows why, maybe because of the Surge. But. The man on the left is Democratic Congressman Tim Mahoney of Florida, famous for ousting perhaps the greatest Cocktoberist of all, gay child-fucker Mark Foley, in 2006. Mahoney defeated Mark Foley with a brilliant platform of being a living human who was not Mark Foley. But now Mahoney will lose that seat back to the Republicans, because he’s been fucking that “thing” on the right and paying it hush-up money. MORE »

Republican movie actor Dennis Hopper is so Republican that he starred in that shitty wingnut movie not even Republicans bothered to see, An American Carol. But now the hippie icon and Republican-since-Reagan is in the tank for You Know Who, That One, Barack Obama. “I voted for Bush, father and son, but this time I’ll vote for Obama,” Hopper said in Paris, which is also in the tank for Obama. “I pray God that Barack Obama is elected.” [AFP]

BINGE & PURGE: You know how anybody can get a comment account now, if they can figure out how to sign up and reply to the e-mail? That means your editors have to manually delete all the bores who somehow end up here, by mistake. But we have been very busy and you good folks are complaining about this or that jackass, so let’s use this post to vote commenters off the island! A dozen people will lose their commenter privileges today! Make your case, and make it hurt!

You can almost hear his melodious English grumble as he fusses with his morning oatmeal and coffee, and finds the wine-stained post-it note stuck haphazardly on his laptop screen: “OBAMA ENDORSE, SLATE.” Well, then, let’s get on with it — before some clumsy mental midget like Jonah Goldberg beats you to it, old salt. Christ knows all the big names have already done so …. MORE »

Christopher Columbus, which means “Our Lord’s Anus” in Portuguese, was a famous wingnut racist who didn’t even know where he came from, but he was hired by a shadowy cabal of Spaniards and the Knights Templar to find an easier route to the emerging economies of Communist China, because the Islamo-Fascists had blown up the highway to Afghanistan! MORE »

OMFG Bill Kristol this morning! If you like the Obama then you should be SCARED right now because Bill Kristol says McCain is getting crushed, and anything Bill Kristol ever says is diametrically opposed to the truth. Famous McCain campaign slob Nancy Poopenheifer tells Fox News here that she knows Bill Kristol, she’s worked with Bill Kristol, Bill Kristol’s a friend of hers, but Bill Kristol is in the tank for that moozie. [Think Progress]

Let’s take a breather from presidential politics for a moment and reflect on this glorious advertisement from the Jim Slattery campaign, which shows Kansas Senator Pat Roberts growing into a fifty-foot monster who urinates on people. This is amazing. ["Hosed"]