Wonkette

America’s favorite frienemy Decepticon, Vladimir Putin, was given this wild monster, a “tigress cub,” for his 56th birthday. He “was shown stroking the two- month-old tigress at a meeting with Russian journalists at his residence outside Moscow.” Rowr…?? The gift-givers thought it would be hilarious — a great party joke! — given Putin’s tendency to shoot tigers. Russian irony! Very dark! [Bloomberg]

Regular readers may remember a golden period of mockery over the summer regarding the American Family Association’s “Boycott McDonald’s” initiative, in which a bunch of fat slobs ceased taking their 12 kids to McDonald’s 78 times a week because some vice president gave money to some San Francisco gay cause once. There were funny comments and we laughed, because who were these fucking people just cold validatin’ every stereotype about Bitters? And yet, McDonald’s has now caved in to their demands to remain “neutral” in the “culture wars,” which these fundie idiots think is an actual hot war between Orcs and Dwarves. MORE »

GAYS ALLOWED TO MARRY EACH OTHER IN NEW HEATHEN STATE: Put on your birthday suit, Joe Lieberman, because now you can finally get gay-married to your longtime sexpot, Lindsey Graham! Although he’d have to move to Connecticut! Because that’s where the state Supreme Court today decided that the Gays could get married, just like real humans. Ned Lamont: “This is our Katrina.” [NYT]

What the hell, who made this terrifying thing? It is on Andrew Sullivan’s site, so we will assume Andrew Sullivan made this, in iMovie. [Andrew Sullivan]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
So apparently 60 percent of you think that we are on the verge of a new Great Depression! Hopefully those of your who believe this are preparing yourself for the coming crisis, by putting your money in low-yield, low-risk investments, stocking up on canned food and ammo, and drinking heavily. But there aren’t just practical preparations to be made; you’ve got to get ready aesthetically, too, to understand the common visual language of total social and economic collapse. Get ready for the symbols of our new lives! MORE »

Not that it matters, because the modern Republican fat-ass troglodyte with a sixth-grade education and a dollar-forty in the bank is not exactly spending a lot of time reading books, but talented conservative author and essayist Christopher Buckley is now officially in the tank. He is voting for Barack Obama. (Yes, Christopher B. is the son of William F. Buckley, the founder of both the National Review and mid-20th Century conservative intellectualism, which is 100% dead forever now.) MORE »

So maybe (probably?) this is a fake, but then again that’s what we thought about the whole “hackers broke into Sarah Palin’s email” rumor. “She couldn’t possibly be that stupid,” we said, and then HA! And actually a 425 verbal sounds about right. [BuzzFeed]

John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes in nothing but the counsel of lobbyists, his right to massive wealth and his elite military bloodlines. This is why every Republican leader in Michigan — including the dead moderate ghost of Gerald Ford — has gone public with their deep hatred of John McCain, the horrible old fraud. MORE »

Oh this is hilarious, on CNN we have a split screen with Barry finally laying out his detailed, comprehensive policy proposal on the left, and on the right we have a bunch of sad orange roses waiting for George Bush to stomp all over them. MORE »

• GOVERNMENT SO BROKE WE CAN’T AFFORD EMAIL ANYMORE: Wonkette tipster Scott writes: “I was just speaking with a friend on the House side who says they have no e-mail anywhere on the Hill since yesterday?”

Well good morning to you! The Dow dropped over 660 points after opening, which is to say, it’s just another beautiful day on Wall Street. Our president, George W. Bush, will once again scurry out of his spider hole to choke out a few brief words about our flourishing economy before he glimpses his shadow and disappears for another six weeks. So of course we will liveblog all 90 seconds of his remarks, so stay tuned! [Yahoo Finance]

Well here is yet another tale of John McCain’s terrible anger and simmering rage and also his addiction to craps, a game of chance! Just three years ago, John McCain nearly assaulted a woman standing next to him at a craps table in Puerto Rico because she touched his arm. Nobody touches John McCain’s arms! Don’t they know who he is? MORE »

• It looks like Apple will be introducing a more affordable, hobo-friendly line of laptops next week. [Wall Street Journal]
• Testicular stem cells are the hot new alternative to embryonic stem cells. [AP]
• Wells Fargo won the bidding war for Wachovia and will now be the largest bank in America as measured by number of branches. [Bloomberg]
• Oh shock! Two former NSA employees said U.S. spies listened to the phone calls of Americans overseas. [Washington Post]
• Crowds at McCain/Palin rallies get more hysterical and angry as they realize that most rational people care more about the impending New Depression than they do scary 40-years-ago terrorist William Ayers. [Washington Post]
• John McCain gets no credit from Hispanics for his Maverick stance on immigration — only blame for being a Republican. [Politico]