Low-Hanging Fruit: Making Fun of Lobbyists

Lately we’ve been blogging a fair amount about lobbyists. Based on the anemic feedback we’ve received from you in response to various requests for tips, it seems that you’re far more interested in thong-sporting Senate staffers than in lobbyists — to say nothing of thong-sporting lobbyists (or lobbyist-sporting thongs, such as the “I Heart Abramoff” one shown at left).

Oh well, we can’t blame you. It’s not like we’re here blogging about the fine points of President Bush’s budget plan! Another thong post is on the way.

After the jump, some funny links ‘n things about lobbyists.

We previously asked you to identify the person referenced in this blind item from Jeffrey Birnbaum’s K Street Confidential column:

One lobbyist for health-related industries told me he’s giving up seats to Nationals baseball games because he doesn’t expect congressional staffers or members of Congress to be able to use them.

One of you guessed Tom Norton, who lobbies on behalf of Pfizer. The reason? “Birnbaum saw him at a class they co-taught at American University this weekend.”

Tom, if they’re still available, we’ll gladly take those Nationals tickets!

We also requested gossip, or at least interesting factoids, about five high-powered lobbyists recently profiled in the New York Times: Terry Allen, Edward J. Newberry, James E. Hyland, Jeffrey J. Connaughton, and Jack Howard. We didn’t get much on this either. One of you pointed out this mildly interesting, but hardly earth-shattering, tidbit:

Connaughton is one of the leading proponents of the ‘Who let the Saudi’s leave the US after 9/11’ theory. Check out this editorial of his, from the Boston Globe.

Since we know that everyone loves a good lobbyist joke, here’s a somewhat funny email from a reader:

According to scientific research, as recently reported in the New York Times, ‘An ordinary worm hundreds of millions of years ago gave rise to the sophisticated bloodsucking leeches of today.’

So that’s where lobbyists came from! I always wondered…

Finally, here’s the lede from amusing article from Reason, entitled Jack Abramoff and Me, by Jonathan Rauch:

DISCLAIMER. Before proceeding with this week’s column, please be advised of the following: I have not received any money from Jack Abramoff, and I am giving it back. Further, to the best of my knowledge, and based upon an intensive and thorough self-investigation, I have not received any money from Jack Abramoff’s clients, and I am returning that, too.

Here at Wonkette, we also haven’t received any money from Jack Abramoff (unlike Brandeis, his alma mater). But rest assured that if we had, we sure as hell wouldn’t be giving it back. Today we’re cutting out early to go drinking — and someone has got to get that first round!

I Heart Abramoff Thong [cafepress.com]
Jack Abramoff and Me [Reason]

Earlier: Blind Item Guessing Game: K Street Confidential
Digging for Dirt on Leading Lobbyists
Abramoff Proves Surprisingly Frugal

READ MORE: abramoff, blind items, edward newberry, jack abramoff, jack howard, james hyland, jeffrey birnbaum, jeffrey connaughton, lobbying, lobbyists, pfizer, terry allen, tom norton

Blind Item Guessing Game: K Street Confidential

In today’s K Street Confidential column, an interesting analysis of how lobbying reform might unfold, Jeffrey H. Birnbaum quotes three unidentified lobbyists concerning what’s going on today in LobbyingLand:

• One lobbyist for health-related industries told me he’s giving up seats to Nationals baseball games because he doesn’t expect congressional staffers or members of Congress to be able to use them.

• Another lobbyist for a variety of industries, who is accustomed to picking up the tab for fine dining in downtown D.C., accompanied a tax staffer to lunch in the Longworth House Office Building cafeteria — and they went Dutch.

• A third lobbyist told the board of his organization that it ought to be glad that it never set up a political fund for lawmakers because these days, he said, “PACs are guilty until proven innocent.”

Any guesses as to who these people might be? If so, email us.

READ MORE: abramoff, blind items, jack abramoff, jeffrey birnbaum, lobbying, lobbyists, washington post