Wonkette

Well phew now everybody can just go back to mocking this guy for being a torture-lovin’ Bush sellout, because that scary incident where Michael Mukasey conked out in the middle of a speech did not signify a stroke or a heart attack or anything serious. He just had what a spokeswoman for the Department of Justice called “a fainting spell,” which is Republican code for “collapse due to oldness.” MORE »

Hey gays, you like Nate Silver, yes? He is a vanquisher of angry cursing wingnuts and the sexual mentor to a hot new generation of polynomials. That’s two things to like! In an interview with Queerty he talks about numbers and gay things by explaining why we should blame the passage of California’s Prop. 8 not on black people but on old people of all colors and hues. (You will all click the “MORE” button now because Nate Silver is your new Sarah Palin: sweet sexy pageview bait.) MORE »

Here is something weird, and thank you, First Read, for pointing this out recently: the press has already found out the identity of like half of the future Obama cabinet. And yet we have no idea who’s being vetted to fill one of the most important positions of all — Treasury Secretary. What is up with that HMMM? Will it be the kindly ancient giant Paul Volcker? The stouthearted Kansan Republican Sheila Bair? The repellent NAFTA whore Larry Summers? Nobody knows — or at least, nobody’s telling! Our prediction: Ron Paul, who will unleash a “money bomb” on the United States economy in February of 2009 and then sell us to the nation of Galt’s Gulch for 50 Ameros. [Washington Post]

Boys and girls, it’s a Thanksgiving miracle — six days early! Our beloved Fred Thompson, the languid, pedicured Southern dandy who made a very sleepy run at the Presidency for about two weeks before returning to his cognacs and backgammon games and expensive Italian colognes, has surfaced again! Even better, he has surfaced to announce his retirement from awful dull vulgar politics. MORE »

• This morning President Bush talked with Michael Mukasey, he of the dinnertime collapse, and the AG “sounded well.” [Reuters]
• Senate seniority rules prevent Hillary Clinton from having any real power in the body for years, so Harry Reid is halfheartedly trying to invent some appealing new position for her even as Barack Obama tries to convince her to go to the State Department. [New York Times]
• The UN has given the Indian navy permission to pursue Somali pirates into Somali territorial waters. CHECKMATE, BRIGANDS! [BBC News]
• Iraqis protested the new agreement between their government and the US allowing American troops to stay in country for several more years. [BBC News]
• Five lucky Algerians have been ordered sprung from Guantanamo — by a Bush-appointed judge, no less. [Voice of America]
• Remember like six months ago when gas was $5 a gallon and it cost $456 to get a loaf of bread because of the worldwide grain shortage? Now we have the opposite problem, price-wise, which is called “deflation,” and it is just as bad as inflation — only cheaper! [Washington Post]

Ugh. Why do we even post such things? Breaking News, etc., that’s why! So do us a favor, commenters, and try to control yourselves, show some class, &c., unless Mukasey has specifically done something personally horrible to you. We have no useful update, to this old dude just falling over and people shouting OH MY GOD JESUS CHRIST CALL SOMEBODY. He is in the hospital somewhere in/around Washington.

• RUH ROH: “Attorney General Michael Mukasey collapsed Thursday night while giving a speech to the Federalist Society in Washington, according to three senior administration officials… At 10:30 p.m. Eastern, medical officials were still working on him on the stage, administration witnesses said.” [Politico]

Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey at an abbatoir today to celebrate Thanksgiving, a full week beforehand. After pardoning the turkey, Palin partook in her favorite post-election hobby — answering questions from the media — while a turkey butcher worked in the background SLAUGHTERING A TURKEY IN A DEATH GRINDER, while smiling, a la Fargo. It is hilarious. Equally hilarious are the MSNBC captions in this clip, such as, “Gov. Palin Not Realizing Incongruity Of Her Words Versus Her Backdrop.” Liberals. [YouTube]

So, uh, the economy doesn’t seem to be doing much, uh, better. The S&P 500 is back down to 1997 levels. 1997! Everybody’s losing their jobs, if they still have jobs. Some are suggesting it will not even be a Merry Christmas, and that the real (Muslim) Jesus is sort of getting a kick out of all this. But do not worry, because some of you will evade foreclosure until January 9. Christmas is back! MORE »

America’s favorite fun comic strip of hopelessness and despair, Get Your War On, wouldn’t exist if not for a) 9/11 and b) David Rees, the creator of the actual comic strip. As we could not get an interview with 9/11, we decided to email five questions to Rees — who will be in Washington this very Sunday to give a FREE speaking/cartoon concert at the 5th & K Busboys & Poets. But how does an artist thank President Bush in Olde Englishe Versee? MORE »