E.J.’s Nothing If Not Fair

What Kind of Hater Are You? [WP]

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Jack Abramoff’s Car

Of The Times’ two pieces on the Abramoff scandal today, the “hard news” one strikes us as rather less interesting than the fluff. The big story is one about Chief Garza’s superfun blind date with the President — which apparently set him back $25k. And, uh, good reporting and all, and we always like to hear what Grover Norquist is up to, but, well, is anyone surprised? Anyone? $25k can net you a grip-and-grimace with the Commander in Chief. Pay off the right people, and you, too, can have your picture taken with Sparky the Sea Lion. This is news?

No, the second piece, on Jack’s BMW, is so best. Check out this guy’s ride:

Mr. Abramoff spent $19,995 for a “custom-built, 15.2-inch-wide screen and manual flip-down video monitor,” an invoice says.

“Monitor includes built-in cordless headphone transmitters” it says, adding, “Monitor is capable of displaying DVD, Game and Computer graphics/video signals.”

For $7,390, he added a hands-free cellphone system, with a special antenna amplifier to boost the signal, and a docking station for his laptop built into the back of the right front seat. The system was configured to use the overhead screen and could take commands from a wireless keyboard.

Mr. Abramoff also paid $6,495 for seat-back tables.

“These handmade tables are duplicate versions of vintage Rolls-Royce designs,” the invoice says. “Perfect for children or mobile office applications.”

While DVD players are now common in cars, Mr. Abramoff’s was set into a custom-made console trimmed in wood veneer and leather. The price for player and console, installed, was $4,495.

To evade police speed traps, the car was equipped with a radar detector designed to perform over hills, around corners and across distances of several miles. The unit was “mounted and etched into rearview mirror” and was augmented by a pair of “laser diffusers” in front and back to avoid detection further.

Holy shit! And that’s not even mentioning the rims! You know he was getting that shit set up with hydraulics when the indictments came down. And they’re all perfectly justified expenses, if you ask us. If you’re on the market for a lobbyist, who you gonna pick — some punk-ass bitch in a Honda or the guy who rolls up a tricked-out Beemer? Jack Abramoff ain’t a businessman, he’s a business, man.

$25,000 to Lobby Group is Tied to Access to Bush [NYT]
How a Big Wheel Outfitted Four of Them [NYT]

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We Hear He Brought In Jon Brion For His Next One

Senator Barack Obama (D-ILLINOIZE) finally got some props for his skills on the mic from the Recording Academy, winning a Grammy for his debut album Dreams From Tha Fatha. Upon receiving the award, Obama said “you got beef, McCain? Take it up with the Agriculture, Nutrition, and Forestry Committee, bitch! This one goes out to my father, and the Holy Father, and my homies who couldn’t be here today — big shout-out to Pharrell, my boy Kanye, this one shoulda been yours, and my man Kent Conrad (D-ND), Midwest REPRESENT!”

In a nod toward bi-partisanship, Obama then signed Senator McCain to Def Jam.

Barack Obama wins Grammy for Best Spoken World Album [Chicago Defender]

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