Brokeback Glacier: March of the Gay Penguins Goes On

Al Jazeera has so much to offer besides the latest public service messages from Osama bin Laden. A reader sent along this article, noting that it’s “right up there with the highbrow garbage I love on your site.”

Six gay penguins at a German zoo have continued their refusal to mate with females of the species flown in from Sweden in 2005, zoo authorities say. On Wednesday, Heike Kueck, the zoo’s director, said the problem was that the female Humboldt penguins have proven too shy in their advances. Kueck said: “The Swedes will not make the first move.”

But how can we be sure that the Swedish seductress penguins are heterosexual themselves? As Sen. Sam Brownback recently (and controversially) noted, Sweden is one of several countries that permit gay marriage. To paraphrase the senator: “Lesbian penguins? You’ll know ‘em by their fruits.”

Gay Penguins Shun Swedish Mates [Aljazeera.net]

Earlier: Senator Brownback Engages in Fruit-ful Dialogue

READ MORE: Media, al jazeera, gay, gay penguins, osama bin laden, sam brownback, sweden

Panda-Matrimonium!

Many thanks to Thailand for being the first country to take steps against the epidemic of out-of-wedlock panda births. The Thai zoo’s two pandas are presumed to start mating soon, “But the zoo wanted them to be married first.” Of course. Single-panda motherhood is well known to be the root cause of rising panda unemployment and high crime rates in panda neighborhoods. Did you know that in America, there are more pandas in zoos than in college? Look at what’s going on with our own poor bastard Butterstick: Has a deadbeat dad living off the state and he’s an immigrant whose been here for ten years and he still doesn’t speak English. Without a traditional family, a young panda will look elsewhere for their role models, and, you know, recruiting Butterstick is probably right at the top of the gay penguin agenda.

Now if they’ll just put an end to Thailand panda sex tourism.

Hundreds Celebrate Giant Panda Wedding [NBC30]

READ MORE: Culture War, butterstick, gay penguins, panda sex tourism, thailand, top