There’s Just Not Room in the Budget For FBI Agents to Get Safeway Cards
Dear FBI:
We saw the CNN piece today about how many of your employees don’t have email. As “bloggers,” we know a thing or two about this Internet fad, and we think we might be able to help you out. Here’s some things you may not know:
- Email is free.
- How bad can your budget problems be? You’re not like HUD or something, can’t you get in on that NSA unlimited classified budget action?
- No, seriously, email is actually free. You don’t need to pay for it. We sent DoD a gmail invite, we have like 90 more for you guys.
- Despite what Senator Schumer says, not having email is not actually evidence of a pre-9/11 mentality. It’s like a pre-the-last-15-years mentality. But we guess you probably couldn’t afford like a Prodigy account or whatever back then.
- Hey, we know people who are like temps at Justice, and they get .gov email addresses. Did you piss off the Federal IT department or something?
- We cannot stress this enough: You don’t need to pay for an email address.
- Specifically this line here: “The outside e-mail accounts have to be separately funded” — that just makes no fucking sense to us.
Anyway, hope that helps. We will, of course, be printing this note and sending it via bike messenger or something.
FBI, You’ve Got Mail — NOT [CNN]
READ MORE: computers, email, fbi, internet, things that make no sense to us, war on terror
Here's an idea: Google gives the FBI a couple thousand free Gmail accounts in exchange for the FBI not reading our email or monitoring our Google searches anymore. Of course, if the FBI doesn't have internet access, how are they doing that now?
by armo on 03/21/06 11:16 AM
Shhh! Don't you understand what you're doing?!?! Simply by talking in public about the details of our nation's email system, you're GIVING AWAY SECRETS TO THE TERRORISTS. This is the FBI's first denial, to confuse the enemies about the extent of our tech arsenal. Next, expect a press release about how politicians and big-wigs are actually carrying around small, tasty berries in their pockets which are for snacking purposes only, and have no data storage/transmittal capabilities whatsoever. That'll trick 'em!
by blithespirit on 03/21/06 03:19 PM
why can't we just hide our sensitive information in a rock in a russian park like the british did?
by alter ego on 03/21/06 05:38 PM
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