Wonkette’s Week in Review: The Not-So-Idle-Hands Edition

• Rep. Cynthia McKinney hits a Capitol Police officer with her cell phone. We’ve been all over this one — our coverage is collected here (scroll down).

• Another story we’ve been loving: Fingergate, in which Justice Antonin Scalia was photographed making a debatably obscene — but probably still rude — hand gesture.

• We thought those were Silvio Berlusconi’s hands around that traffic cop’s waist. Alas, we were mistaken. Sorry about that.

• Speaking of dirtiness… Media Matters works hard to keep the mainstream media free of conservative bias, but they can’t keep their men’s room free of filth. And they can’t keep their employees from leaking (haha) internal memos to Wonkette.

• The D.C. Examiner has a similar problem.
  
• Michael Scanlon and Emily Miller: the plot thickens. Check out the money quote from Jack Abramoff: “She tried to blow up me and scanlon, but blew up the entire Capitol instead.”

• Still more on Ben Domenech: the results of Wonkette’s exclusive investigation (featuring real reporting!) into why he left Regnery Publishing.

• Bush visits Mexico. Photographic hilarity ensues.

• Condi generates funny photos too when she travels.

• The Army lifts its ban on tattoos.

• As for hard news last week, Andrew Card announced his resignation as White House Chief of Staff. (It’s taking all of our willpower, but we will refrain from making lame puns on his last name.) More personnel departures may be on the way.

• Meanwhile, in happier news for the Administration, Donald Rumsfeld has managed to locate those weapons of mass destruction. (The missiles in the picture look like long-range ICBMs.)

• Finally, Katherine Harris remains photogenic.

READ MORE: Andy Card, White House, abramoff, andrew card, antonin scalia, ben domenech, bush, cleanliness, condi, condoleezza rice, cynthia mckinney, dc examiner, donald rumsfeld, emails, emily miller, george w. bush, jack abramoff, katherine harris, media matters, memos, michael scanlon, non-obscene gestures, obscene gestures, silvio berlusconi, week in review

Michael Scanlon: The Crook, the Thief, His Wife, and His Lover

Love! Betrayal! Scandal! Sex! Lobbying! Man, this Wall Street Journal story has everything. It is more or less the quintessential Wonkette story (missing only intimations of homosexuality and references to sodomy — which we will work on rectifying).

Michael Scanlon — we’ve spread some unverified gossip about him in the past, as well as (hey, we’ve already hit the first target) accusing him of being a bit swishy — earned our everlasting love and affection back in January, when it was revealed that he’d brought the whole mess down on himself by banging his manicurist, causing his power-player fiance Emily Miller to go to the feds. Now here’s something our Rehoboth Beach operatives need to clarify for us: the Journal refers to the second Mrs. Scanlon as a “waitress,” which is so less trashy/awesome than manicurist (though still pretty trashy/awesome). Anyway, Wonkette readers should know this story already, but the Journal fleshes it out.

Three weeks after Mr. Scanlon got married, Ms. Miller was a bridesmaid at the Houston wedding of another former DeLay aide. Ms. Miller confessed to friends at the reception that she had helped Mr. Scanlon spread negative stories about Mr. Rudy, according to people who attended. When she saw Mr. DeLay and his wife, Ms. Miller tearfully apologized and said she had been used as a pawn in Mr. Scanlon’s fight with Mr. Rudy, to whom she also expressed remorse.

Mr. DeLay accepted Ms. Miller’s apology, according to wedding guests, and embraced her, saying: “We are all a part of the DeLay family.” A DeLay spokeswoman, Shannon Flaherty, said Mr. DeLay couldn’t recall his exact words.

Ok, creepiest thing in the whole article right there. Basically, from there, Miller went flying into the sisterly arms of Scanlon’s first wife, and the two of them got all First Wives Club and Miller was all “how does he amass such bling when he never seems to do any work” and then they’re all “let’s ask a yoga instructor” and then they go to the FBI, and man, we love this story. Christ, you gotta think Abramoff is just pissed at Scanlon for letting his wandering dick basically destroy them both. Actually, you can just ask him how he feels. The Journal didn’t, but friend-of-Wonkette Kim Eisler did.

Jack Abramoff’s (EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT WONKETTE) response:

“She tried to blow up me and scanlon, but blew up the entire Capitol instead.”

Oh, dude. That’s the tagline. You totally wrote Red Scorpion. (We still love ya, Jack!)

Behind Unraveling Of DeLay’s Team, A Jilted Fiancée [WSJ]
Earlier: Bang the Manicurist Slowly

READ MORE: crime, emily miller, exclusive quotes, jack abramoff, kim eisler, lobbying, lobbyists, michael scanlon, scandal, sex, top