Wonkette
Loathsome ratface Rudy Giuliani is still in England, hanging around what’s left of Maggie Thatcher and making bizarre outlandish claims to the British, because he thinks they’re all idiots, too. This is what he told reporters yesterday: “I’m probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world.” Rudy’s such a delusional pompous asshole that he probably believes this, but of course he couldn’t be more wrong.
Rudy Giuliani is an already forgotten blip on the grand radar screen of history, a hated and amoral cretin who — because he stubbornly and idiotically put New York City’s emergency center inside the city’s primary terrorist target and had to stand around outside once the planes hit that target — was on teevee a lot on 9/11. That’s it. That is his great achievement, alongside his earlier achievements of making his various families hate his guts, announcing his intention to divorce one of his wives during a press conference, having his thugs shoot and sodomize brown and black people all over New York, and turning the awful murder of 3,000 Americans into his own private wealth factory.
Anyway, he’s not on anybody’s list of Famous Americans. We checked. He’s not even on the list of Famous New Yorkers.
- According to Lydia Steinberg in the New York Jewish Herald, famous New Yorkers include such well-known people as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Tom Cruise, Rosie O’Donnel, Billy Joel, Franklin Roosevelt, Barbra Streisand, Walt Whitman and Tupac Shakur. Rudy’s not in the top four nor the top five because he’s nowhere to be found on the whole list.
- According to the Second Graders’ Famous Americans site, the Top Five famous Americans are George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Susan B. Anthony, Helen Keller and Jackie Robinson. No Rudy, again, anywhere.
- In Russia, the best-known Americans are Bill Clinton, George Bush Sr. and/or George W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy and George Washington. Michael Jackson and Monica Lewinsky (?!) round out the Top Ten, while Rudy is again absent.
- At Biography.com, the current top searches are for Luciano Pavarotti, Oprah Winfrey, Chuck Norris (fuck yeah!), Brandon Lee and Leona Helmsley. Where’s Rudy? Not here!
- The “Famous People” collection of online biographies features information on such famous Americans as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Capone, Abraham Lincoln, Ben Franklin, Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice, Elvis Presley, Dr. Seuss, Dr. Dre, Henry Kissinger, Jimi Hendrix, Laura Bush, Justin Timberlake, Shaquille O’Neal, the Wright Brothers, Will Smith and Bill Clinton. Oh hey guess where Rudy is? Not here, anywhere, let alone in the “top four or five.”
- No Rudy on “Famous Birthdays,” either, because he’s not even really famous, and not even in America, where few people can even remember when his beloved terror attacks occurred.
- TIME Magazine’s 100 people who defined the century includes such famed Americans as Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, Eleanor Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, Louis Armstrong, Frank Sinatra and even a cartoon character, Bart Simpson. But no Rudy! Oh wait maybe that’s because the TIME 100 list covered the last century … which ended just nine months and eleven days before Rudy’s brief moment of teevee glory.
- A San Diego Union-Tribune blogger spent two minutes coming up with a long list of Americans far more famous than Rudy ever was or will ever be: “George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, George H.W. Bush, Teddy Kennedy, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Tom Hanks, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Sylvester Stallone, Clint Eastwood, Robert Redford, Julia Roberts, Bruce Springsteen, Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Shaq, Kobe, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Hakeem Olajuwon (yes, he’s a U.S. citizen), Carl Lewis, Lance Armstrong, Jack Nicklaus.”
- And despite the only “commitment” in life he ever kept — enriching himself by exploiting the murder of 3,000 Americans — he’s not even one of the Top Five richest Americans. He’s not even in the Top Hundred, or Top Four Hundred.
Giuliani: I’m Among Best Known Americans [AP/Forbes]
Comments
Oh come on guys, you seem to forget that Roodee is more commonly known by his stage name, Paris Hilton.
Who?
The phrase "loathsome ratface Rudy Giuliani" reminded me of the glory days of Spy Magazine and their constant references to "short-fingered vulgarian" Donald Trump, and I suddenly realized that they are essentially the same person, aren't they, Rudy and the Donald? What a ticket that would be.
OK, but except for those other people, he's one of the four or five best-known Americans, right?
You forgot Larry "Wide Stance" Craig.
Tupac is a famous New Yorker?
I thought he was "west-siiiide."
The title "Shameless Huckster" is too good for Rudy.I think he really believes that he'll be elected president. That's how twisted and deluded he is. I suppose he'll stand atop a mountain of 3000 corpses to take the oath of office.
He is such a fucking dick that he might just win. He would be the perfect hapless dictator.
PROMMY:
Don't forget "bosomy dirty-book writer Shelly Lord"!
Considering all our most famous Americans are either in LA County jail, or being forced by their loser ex-husbands to pee in a cup every day, Rudy should be thankful!
Hey Brits! I'm among the five most well-hung Americans.
Nice more. Is he gonna hand out toothbrushes at his next event there?
he's right. i saw him with elvis, marilyn, jack. and snow white at the mall. no, sorry, snow white isn't an american.
I'd just like to commend your interns on their truly impressive research of this topic. As someone who works in so-called "higher education," I've seen graduate level papers without research and citations this thorough (sad but true, like so much of life in the ivory tower of American academia).
@Cynica: Interns? I wasted two hours digging up ridiculous "Famous Americans" websites for this thing!
@Cynica: But still, thanks.
@Cynica: What research? They googled it, then copied and pasted the whole thing between smoke breaks this morning.
and he's also known as one of america's biggest douchebag f*ckers...
reporter: "how you solve the collapsing economy, rudy?
crudy: "9/11"
audience: *cue HUGE applause*
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSk4SUpWVuY
@H. Sauce Firewater for Congress: Hey, careful, don't let the secret out, if everyone figured that out I would be out of a job.
Surely Giuliani added "within transvestite circles" at the end?
"Loathsome ratface" is nice, but my all-time favorite is "dour giantess Nancy Kissinger".
@Ken Layne: Now see, you didn't say anything earlier about "ridiculous Famous Americans". I'd say he's at least in the top ten on that list.
it is the media's fault. they took the quote out of context. he actually said he was one of the most famous people "in the world of non-Southerners who marry their cousins."
which is actually pretty modest if you think about it.
You missed the more outrageous thing Rudy said yesterday - that he wants Israel, India and Japan to join the North Atlantic Treaty Organization...
Like many other geography challenged US Americans, maybe Rudy doesn't have access to a MAP???
"It's not going be about George Bush. It's not going to be about Ronald Reagan. It's going to be about who does America want for their future: Rudolph Giuliani or Hilary Clinton?"
Hail Mary, full of grace... ... ...
Rudy might be one of the 4 or 5 most recognized "living" Americans by the rest of the world.
This would explain why everybody hates us.
You forgot Ronald McDonald and Mickey Mouse.
In 1984, Hizzoner Ed Koch announced his Berlin Wall arrival to a few befuddled East German guards:
"I'm here! It's me! It's Mayor Koch! I'm here!"
Yeah, Rudy's just about that famous.
There are 30 or 40 fucking American basketball players who are better known around the world than Rudy the Gee.
Can we skip to the point where Rudy goes psychonutraving? 'cause you know it's gonna happen. I'm sure his campaign staff all have their cyanide pills ready for the moment.
TGY, Counting the Minutes
Sure, mock him now, but in 140 years people will be lining up to sit by his wax likeness on a shuttle to the Madame Toussaud's on the Moon.
Top 5 in the world? Maybe before Tazer Boy came along.
I hope that Leni Riefenstahl filmed Rude's dramatic oratory. [www.11th-hour.info]
What an ego this guy has...if he walked down the street by himself anywhere in THIS country in a golf shirt and khakis, probably no one would recognize him.
I think he said "heinous Americans".
Easy to misunderstand.
This is just awesome, you really outdid yourself on the dudgeon. You read like Hendrik Hertzberg after a bottle of Scotch.
What!?! No Ron Paul?!? Lousy mainstream media.
No one on any of those lists has the GROUNDSWELL supar-power of The Doctor.
Certainly not Rudy.
Yeah, but I'd give a twennie just to forget I ever saw his face or heard his name.
And so would his kids. How about THAT?
"loathsome ratface" is awesome, but my favorite Giuliani epithet is still "terror queen," which i believe Ken also coined.
@Civil Negligence: Lydia Steinberg better know. Lock your windows, close your doors. Biggie S'mores.
Less famous than Brandon Lee...considering he's been dead for forteen years, and before that his claim to fame was 'dead celebrities kid,' & then, 'one hit wonder'...
Well...ouch.
He's definitely one of America's most famous has-been mayors! He's right up there with Willie Brown, Jerry Brown, Dennis Kucinich and Marion Berry, but will forever trail Jerry Springer, for better or for worse.
@disinformationministry:
Well, a lot of Israelis emigrated from the North Atlantic, the Japanese had a partnership once to control the North Atlantic and the Indians will probably follow in the footsteps of the Japanese re: the North Atlantic if they can ever get their shite together.
That said. Rudy Giuliani: Giant douche or turd sandwich -- vote or die, bitches.
I still think Rudy is more "ferretface" than "ratface" ---no offense to ferrets.
...Except that, under the right lighting, ferrets can be sorta cute.
His wife is amongst the most famous American Dog Staplers of the 20th century.
@Ken Layne:
Ah, honey, I hope you get paid pretty good. That's a thankless hole to dig.
Anyway, you have no equal!! Yea Ken!
You forget one important thing - he's running for the Republican nomination. Those fucktards believe all the crap he shovels.
How could you forget his lonely, valiant campaign against elephant dung in art?
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