Wonkette

It seems like just yesterday our little recession spent all its time wailing for food and pooping its pants, but it’s already pretty big! Soon it will be all growns up and cooking meth in the back yard shed while it asks us for “rent money.” The National Bureau of Economic Research says our recession is one year old, in the sense that the employment situation was at its very awesomest one year ago. Since then we have all lost our jobs and begun eating melamine-tained cat food for sustenance. [MarketWatch]

• Barack Obama revealed his National Security Team of Rivals today. The shadowy cabal is headed up by his notorious arch-enemy Janet Napolitano. [CBS News]
• The Media and The Retailers are complicit in perpetuating the myth of Black Friday, in which a Wal-Mart worker is trampled to death to commemorate the birth of our Lord and savior, Ronald McDonald. [New York Times]
• Very recently, your left-wing PBS “Frontline” producers were warning that Pakistan was hosed six ways from Sunday and would give the Western world night terrors for years to come, and voila, the attacks in India appear to come from a Pakistani militant group. [Christian Science Monitor]
• The mayor of Birmingham, Alabama has been arrested for some sort of boring financial crookery. [Bloomberg]
• If you live in Australia, you will have a chance to see the moon making a smiley face at you and HAUNTING YOUR DREAMS. [Fox News]

???: “Bush should consider pardoning–and should at least be vociferously praising–everyone who served in good faith in the war on terror, but whose deeds may now be susceptible to demagogic or politically inspired prosecution by some seeking to score political points. The lawyers can work out if such general or specific preemptive pardons are possible; it may be that the best Bush can or should do is to warn publicly against any such harassment or prosecution. But the idea is this: The CIA agents who waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, and the NSA officials who listened in on phone calls from Pakistan, should not have to worry about legal bills or public defamation. In fact, Bush might want to give some of these public servants the Medal of Freedom at the same time he bestows the honor on Generals Petraeus and Odierno. They deserve it.” [Bolding of incredible statement is ours.] The people who gathered reliable intelligence without breaking domestic/international law, however, should be sent to Gitmo for being such pussies. [Weekly Standard via Andrew Sullivan]

THE GREAT THANKSGIVING WARS: “A mob of bargain-crazed cretins smashed down the glass doors of a Long Island Wal-Mart and stomped the life out of a gentle man hired by a temporary agency to mind the store. Across the country in a Palm Desert strip mall, a bloody fistfight between two charming young women ended with two men dead, after a gunfight in the aisles of Toys R Us.” [AOL Political Machine]

CURRENT MUGSHOT FASHION: Here are two recently arrested ladies sporting the finest in Barack Obama casual “No Hope” designs. They probably don’t even know each other or anything! But at least our nation’s hopeless are now wearing cheap Obama-themed t-shirts while doing whatever petty crime. [The Smoking Gun]

Peggington. We love Peggington so much, and we don’t even care who knows! In this week’s very special Thanksgiving edition of her Wall Street Journal psychodiary, “Declarations,” the Noonanism — an embarrassingly insular worldview in which no personal anecdote is void of world-historical spiritual import — has been cranked deep into the red. Here’s what Peggy’s thankful for this weekend: that the mysterious Negro president has been such a delight so far; that she doesn’t have to see poor people on the street; and that God safely carries her around on airplanes when she needs to travel. We will focus on the second and the third. MORE »

Hmm, guess we’d have to buy the DVD (”Get a five-pack!”) to see exactly what The Homosexualists did to this town in Arkansas. We only see evidence of a sedate street fair or bake sale, and then there are butthurt reactions from local wingnuts. Anyway, let’s all stop the horror of gay people moving to your rural community. No real American should be subject to good restaurants, independent bookstores, landscape design or rising property values. [Arkansas Times]

K-LOAD: Mouth-breathing fart-sack Kathryn Jean Lopez has posted a confusing new Word Jumble, in which she claims that Prop. 8, the Mormons’ financial assault on California homosexuals, “won by the same margin as Barack Obama did in that state.” Obama crushed McCain 61%-37% in California, while Prop. 8 squeaked by with 52%. [Andrew Sullivan]

George Bush Junior has somehow been president for eight years, and it’s no great surprise that much of the experience has been lost on him. All the ceaseless, pointless wars? The destruction of a major U.S. city? The collapse of our financial system? The cold fact that Americans are significantly dumber, fatter, sicker and poorer than they were when this clod took — literally, ha! — office? No real impact on our simple fellow. MORE »

There’s a famous teevee event that is apparently still held every Thanksgiving, called the Happy Thanksgiving Parade of Macy’s Store! So it happened again, yesterday, and the Cartoon Network went ahead and cold rick-rolled all the old people watching broadcast television on Thanksgiving morning, instead of cooking food or whatever, pizza pizza!