Wonkette
Hello, comrades! Have you enjoyed Wonkette these past 18 months or so? Well, good, because now we’re going to change it all around, as far as who writes and edits the thing. Editor and “national treasure” Alex Pareene is moving to New York City for a secret new assignment he’ll explain in another post, and I’m hanging around for a while as a daily contributor and will continue to sort of vaguely maintain the invisible “West Coast Bureau” — yes, you can go ahead and offer me lucrative free-lance stuff now, and this time I might actually do it.
Soon you will meet a new team of editors, John Clarke Jr. and Jim Newell, and they will tell you grand stories and terrible lies once they start on October 8 and October 9, respectively — that’s next Monday and Tuesday if you’re one of the many Americans who can’t afford maps.
But in brief:
- John Clarke Jr. has written for many famous newspaper publications, such as the NYT and the NY Post and Variety. Weirdly, he also worked for Mitt Romney’s 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics, as the editor of the Olympics. You probably didn’t even know somebody had to edit the Olympics, but it is true. And do you remember who was president of the Olympics? Mitt Romney, that’s who. Think about it. Clarke also has some sort of Political Campaign Experience, which means he’ll probably ask you for money, individually, in the comments.
- Jim Newell has been an editor at IvyGate (a blog about gardening) and an “interim culture editor” at the daily newspaper in Philadelphia. Unlike your current editors, he went to college and also got a college degree, from
Penn Statethe University of Penn! Also, he edited the 34th Street magazine while at that same place,Penn Statethe college in Pennsylvania. He’ll probably ask for money from commenters, too, because he probably has student loans or something.
So there you go. Everything has changed! Never Forget!
Comments
Does this mean we'll get posts before 2 PM?
I think the shattered snowball would be more appropriate.
Ken, you can't leave until you make that Forbes list of barely-known bloggers. Sorry.
Those are not snarky resumes. I am concerned.
*Sigh* I guess it was just a Cummer fling...
We are... WONKETTE!
@econdave: +1
@nojo:
Or the sled being thrown upon the fire.
Let's hope the new people have better judgment than to do things like running a loop of some jamoke applauding.
Well hopefully these new guys will suck as much as ya'll do!
*Sniffles*
Oh, and I would also like to ask all the commentators for money, because I like money.
And this is the guy who was trying to purge us a few weeks back for insufficient quality in our posts!? Jiminy Christ, man! You are blown the fuck up by your your own petard.
Two middle aged white men? COOL!
Seriously, welcome and good luck, gentlemen.
How long before an angry crowd doesn't get the joke and starts throwing toast at Gawker HQ?
"Weirdly, he also worked for Mitt Romney's 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics, as the editor of the Olympics. You probably didn't even know somebody had to edit the Olympics, but it is true. And do you remember who was president of the Olympics? Mitt Romney, that's who. Think about it."
Ken, is this your way of telling us John Clarke is sporting the sacred underwear?
Hey, I edited that college magazine, too, only it was at Penn.
I'm going to miss the unique mix of despondence, rage, sarcasm, and wit.
@econdave: @dmac:
Right on cue.
What I want to know is, will both of the new editors put funny alt-text captions on the images? Because if they won't, then fuck 'em.
but how do they feel about ass-fucking? Someone's gotta carry on the original Wonkette's obsession.
But do they know where the Raven is?
A Mormon and an Ivy League wanker? Wow, that's a huge step for diversity.
Next things ya know, they'll be presenting Intern Reed Landry.
Bienvenidos!
can we trust the new editors with our wives?
I would like to ask just one question of our two new editors: If you guys were trees, what kind of trees would you be?
I, for one, welcome our new overlords with open arms.
@Nabisco: P.S. And isn't the "ette" a little deceptive if we still have no female editors?
as far as who writes and edits the thing
Wow, that will be a change!
It would have been nice to include us in the interview process.
There are many important questions that need to be asked before hiring anyone to fill these giant, soon to be vacated, boots, bunny slippers or sandals.
Questions like:
Gin, Vodka or glue?
Are you attracted to Debra Cagan and/or Ann Coulter?
How many fingers am I holding up now?
Ginger, Mary Ann or Skipper?
How many guns are you packing that aren't loaded?
How do feel aout ass fucking on the first date?
Can you loan me $10 till next payday?
And so on…
@PelosisLoveChild:
trying to purge us
Ah, so that's why I couldn't log in for over a week.
Kinda figured.
rupert murdoch pledges 10 gazillion dollars. good luck.
@Mr_Grumpy: That is a very good point. I do hope Wonkette does not lose its strong Republican bias as a result of the shoddy interview process.
@Mr_Grumpy: Carbona, not glue.
Who would have thought you would be scared away from Wonkette by the likes of the NSA, FBI, CIA, Mossad and Dick Cheney's secret, secret service?
Just goes to show, there's only so much a person can take.
IvyGate was the blog that broke the news that smart dorks at fancy pants colleges don't get laid. Well, neither do bloggers. Welcome aboard!
Well, if Gawker Media is bound and determined not to let any women edit Wonkette then at least tell me that these two guys are incredibly effeminate.
So we gotta say goodbye for the cummer?
I'm worried about the future supply of um... wonk...
But then I've seen some damn edgy gardening blogs.
@JamieSommers: Plus if Layne is easing out of the picture - does this mean no more gays or girls (except Anonymous Lobbyist) on Wonkette?
I for one welcome this new generation of green-thumbed mormon tranny overlords.
Who is leaving, and who's taking people's places? And why New York City?
@Nabisco: And a second tier Ivy at that. *Scoff*
The real question: Will they shill for Wendy Wilde's next campaign? or was that just a family thing?
@thecoldcowboy: I for one welcome this new generation of green-thumbed mormon tranny overlords. hee hee
This calls for a return to the reign of Princess Sparkle Pony!
I think it's great that Wonkette is hiring two people of color as editors. Even if one of them is from Penn.
Not sure I see the connection between tennis balls and Wonkette, but welcome black guys! I trust you're clean and articulate.
@SanFranLefty: Actually, no one's said I get to stay...
@Outstando: OMG, I'm so embarrassed. That last post was totally wrong. One of the black guys is from the University of Pennsylvania, not the tennis ball factory. What an idiot.
For future reference and general cultural literacy, and following a tortured route just to try to excuse posting this stupid thing, I've compiled a list of common popular associations with Ivy League schools:
Brown: Shit
Columbia: NYU
Cornell: Suicide
Dartmouth: Beer
Harvard: Assholes
Penn: Tennis Balls
Princeton: Dandies
Yale: Padlocks
So, don't feel too bad, new black guy from Penn!
@Anonymous Lobbyist: Oh god damn it. If you're out, Josh isn't a regular, Layne is minimal, and the editors don't perform, I'm done. Unless they start posting about that panda again. That's pretty much hypnotic.
At least maybe we can get away with some shit for a while, like references to the Sn*rg G*rl and being, you know, by professionals. Until they wise up, then it's back to the salt mines.
@PelosisLoveChild: You know, had you picked an avatar that wasn't a riff on mine you might not have spent all that money and time in the Minneapolis airport stalls trying not to get purged.
So I guess all of this means that Mitt Romney bought Wonkette? And he's sent Pareene to "New York City for a secret new assignment" (read: reprogramming at Guantanamo)?
No cry, Wonkette commenters. Like Tavis always says, keep the faith.
@Nabisco: Yeah.....this decision smells of major league suck to me.
Hey, Ken, can I have your Pope-cat avatar?
I could (with measured reluctance) live without the Anonymous Lobbyist, but what about our treasured Comics Curmudgeon? Fridays would lose all flavor without him...
@donzacatl: I could theoretically live without either, but life would cease to have meaning.
Just like Britney Spears' toddlers over the custody battle, a profound sense of separation anxiety has set upon Wonkette today as we learn of a new set of LSD daddies positioned to spread their Divine Embodiment all over the Wonkette spirit children.
Never fear, Alex and Ken, for we shall continue advancing our stealth mission to detonate WMDs (words of mass distortion) over here so we won't have to do it over there.
I propose that the Wonkette flag be flown at full/mast until the new rogue Pepsi-Cola swilling, ivy lace-curtain, mofo extremists declare our sovereign right to all the filth and liquor owed us for this sudden and diverse leadership change.
Don't worry everyone, we'll all get to meet again in Camp FEMA.
I can hear the Red Train whistle a'blowin' in the distance.
Gawker reports that he's going to, now don't tell anyone this secret:
Gawker!
[gawker.com]
Iggy Pop?
Working HERE? Wow, the music industry must truly be fucked!
ivygateblog.com is just like wonkette..... for pretentious ivy league assholes! If that's a sample of what we have to look forward to, I don't know how long I'll be able to stomach it.
@plutoboy: More like
blowmegate.com
...*sniffles*...
...we are happy and prosperous under the rule of the enlightened & democratic Chinese, Kundun...
...*bows head*...
& shit, I was poetry editor of Pacific Review for two years...
(unfortunately, not that Pacific Review)
& ya know what, that & five bucks will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.
Good gravy you boys best seal up Anon Lobbyist and that Cartoon guy or it just might be a full-on desertion of the ship...
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or maybe not.
@SanFranLefty: Gender-queering, homeboy. Get with it.
Yeah it's our Wonkette like Bush was elected by popular vote. :-p
all i want to know is do we have to "audition" AGAIN?
that was annoying.
if i send in my diploma from penn will that help or hurt me?
Harra! I've always been more interested in "interim culture" than pop culture, so I look forward to Jimbo's take on that subject.
I, for one, will miss Pareene. It just won't be the same without his labored puns and tortured references to obscure literature and old movies. Wonkette has been awfully awful this past year -- so the new guys have a high standard to meet (or would that be low standard?).
Given that they're a couple of ivy leaguers I was concerned, but then I heard that they're black, so that's cool.
And I agree, the mouse-over text with the photos MUST stay. Often that's where the most subversive humor is found.
Alex and Ken, vaya con Dios, mon freres.
Ivygate.com is blocked on my work computer. They usually only block really smutty stuff. So, I guess that's a good sign...
@PrizePig:
I meant ivygateblog.com
@PrizePig: From the couple of pieces I read there, your IT department probably also blocks "stupid" in addition to smut.
@SanFranLefty: They were female editors but underwent surgery just for their DC postings. That's dedication.
@Outstando: I understand that while Penn does admit persons of color they are white by the time they graduate. That's what they say at Howard, anyway.
John Clarke Jr. inked some boffo items for Variety.
And that editor is me. To the relief of most of you, I'm stepping down from my short-lived stint as an IvyGate 2.0 editor next week after accepting a new bloggy job that, you know, pays an income.
When visiting Penn, I thought had lost my one chance at that one party to encourage Jim to drink so I could take advantage of him...Thank god for second chances.
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