Remainders: Reading About Iraq Is Easier With a Boner

• Iraq security briefings headed for the president’s desk must have a shirtless grinning picture of Fabio on the cover. [Corporate Casual]

• The Alabama Supreme Court: where the law changes with the bowel movements of the Justices. Oh, and Jesus. [Drink at Work]

• Internet rants about Ann Coulter just bury her deeper and deeper under a big pile of — money. [Galleycat]

• Tonight’s Main Event: Dan “Copyright Crusader” Glickman vs. John Perry “It’s the Music, Maaan” Barlow. The winner of this steel cage match will face the teenage tag team known only as “Electronic Hezbollah.” [BBC]

READ MORE: Remainders, alabama, ann coulter, bush, dan glickman, george w. bush, iraq, money, mpaa, piracy, religion

Metro Section: Whack, Whacked, Whacking

• Jack Valenti does look like one of Tony Soprano’s buddies, but Glickman? He looks more like one of Tony’s accountants. [MAFIAA Via Information Leafblower]

• We really hope he doesn’t tell them he works for Chris Matthews until the next morning, because honestly we think a little higher of DC bloggers. [Big Head Rob]

• Don’t hate on Jim Moran. He was just looking for a Missed Connection like everybody else. [Metroblogging DC, Craigslist]

READ MORE: bloggers, chris matthews, dan glickman, hardball, jack valenti, jim moran, metro, metro section, mpaa, sex

Entertainment Industry Spokesman, Dead Ahead!

Scientists are split on whether the loss of over 65% of former MPAA President Jack Valenti is due to man-made factors or simply the cyclical nature of show business.

Bonus Alternate Joke: This undated photo provided by the Palm Beach Daily Journal shows the East Greenland Icebergs celebrating the 40th anniversary of their their calving from the Kangerdlussuaq Weinsteins.

Southern Md. Extra [WP]

READ MORE: Funny Pictures, captions, dan glickman, jack valenti, mpaa, washington post

Gossip Roundup: Angelina and Ari

• Reliable Source: Angelina Jolie proves a distraction at Capitol Hill conference on HIV/AIDS. Richard Branson also testifies: “If this were the U.S., there would be a war room set up.”… Lynne Cheney visits and revisits Pottery Barn… Connie Mack (R-Fl.) is divorcing. [WP]
• Under the Dome: Five Hall of Fame baseball players dragged out to talk about steroid legislation… Letter from two Democrat lawmakers regarding Plan B may have influenced FDA commissioner to resign… John Dingell (D-Mich.), Mark Foley (R-Fla.), Pat Roberts, ABC’s John Cochran, Howard Fineman, Matt Cooper, and Ben Bradlee attend screening of “Flightplan” hosted by Dan Glickman. [The Hill]
• Inside the Beltway: Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents found themselves hounded for ice by confused hurricane victims. [WT]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Gloria Steinem says ‘08 is too soon for Hillary. [NYDN]
• Rush & Molloy: Ari Fleischer is working for Bud Selig. [NYDN]

READ MORE: 2008, Personalities, angelina jolie, ari fleisher, ben bradlee, bud selig, connie mack, dan glickman, fda, gloria steinem, hillary clinton, howard fineman, john cochran, john dingell, lynne cheney, mark foley, matt cooper, pat roberts, steroids