Bird Flu: Preemptive Ass Covering and Buck Shifting By the Feds

Earlier this afternoon, homeland security hottie Frances Townsend graced our television screens, to outline federal government preparations for a possible outbreak of pandemic flu. We were alerted to this development when our traffic spiked, due to Google searches for “frances townsend” and “frances townsend pics.”

The Times offers this account of the federal plan:

Although the federal government will stockpile 75 million doses of antiviral drugs and 20 million doses of vaccine to combat any outbreak of pandemic flu, local governments and individual communities will have to shoulder most of the burden in battling the disease, the White House said today.

Translation: “Good luck, kids, you’re on your own! This is not going to be another Hurricane Katrina, where the federal government gets blamed for everything. Fault your state and local governments instead.”

After the jump, a few more comments on the federal plan (such as it may be).

READ MORE: avian flu, bird flu, covering your ass, department of homeland security, dhs, frances townsend, mitigation, responsibility

Frances Townsend: She Can “Take Over Our Ports” Anytime

Today the White House issued a hefty, 228-page report identifying some of the many failures in the federal government’s response to Hurricane Katrina. The report was submitted to President Bush by his homeland security adviser, Frances Fragos Townsend.

We’d list some of the report’s 125 specific recommendations, telling you all about that new “National Homeland Security University” — but we got a little distracted. We forgot all about the message, due to the hotness of the messenger!

It can’t be denied: Frances Townsend is a striking, patrician beauty. Check out her mountain-high cheekbones; her glossy, perfectly coiffed hair; and her Hepburn-esque, swan-like neck. Mischa Barton should look this good in twenty years! (Detractors might say Fran Townsend resembles Katherine Harris; but this little hint of evil only makes her more alluring.)

Does anyone have any juicy gossip or interesting anecdotes to share about this homeland security hottie? If so, please email us — or append a comment to this post.

(Please don’t accuse us of sexism; here at Wonkette, we are equal opportunity oglers. If the White House Katrina report were authored by some hunky guy — no, Michael Chertoff doesn’t count — we would have been equally distracted.)

White House Identifies Katrina Response Failures [WP]
White House Report Advises Revamping Disaster Response [NYT]

READ MORE: White House, covering your ass, frances townsend, hindsight, hotties, hurricane katrina, katrina, michael chertoff

Liveblogging the Cheney Mea Culpa

5:58 PM: We’re sitting in front of our TV and ready for this show to get on the road. Tired of Fox News’s relentless coverage of Neil Entwistle — we love tabloid trash as much as the next guy, but Entwistle’s not even interesting trash.

5:59 PM: This interview is probably going to be pretty anticlimactic. Most of the juiciest parts have already been released.

6:00 PM: Unless we learn about a magic bullet, or Lynne Cheney on a grassy knoll, this is going to be a non-event. But hey, this is our job…

6:04 PM: How long is this going to run? We have to meet people for drinks at 7.

6:05 PM: Why Brit Hume? Okay, we can see why. But if Cheney were to appear before, and gain absolution from, the Oprah, this controversy would evaporate instantaneously.

More after the jump.

READ MORE: ana marie cox, brit hume, covering your ass, dick cheney, fox news, harry whittington, hunting, hunting accidents, liveblogging, original wonkette

Liveblogging the Chertoff Testimony: Part 3

Coverage of Secretary Michael Chertoff’s Senate testimony (continued from this prior post):

12:43 PM: Sen. Dayton has been going on for 7 minutes… Was there a question in there?

12:45 PM: Chertoff: “There’s a lot to work on at FEMA.” Um, yeah…

12:47 PM: Sen. Dayton is showing Chertoff pictures. Chertoff: “Part of the problem is hardware ‘n stuff.”

12:50 PM: Sen. Norm Coleman (R- Minn.) has taken over from his colleague. Good teeth; don’t know about the hair, though.

12:59 PM: Sen. Coleman: “To many people, FEMA is a four-letter world.” Yes, to many people; people who can count! Secretary Chertoff is indignant: “FEMA you! If you think I’m going to FEMA-ing sit here and let you FEMA me over, you’ve got another thing coming.” (Okay, FEMA isn’t a great four-letter word…)

1:02 PM: Sen. Mark Pryor is going over the taxonomy of mobile homes with Chertoff. (Wonkette contemplates a bathroom break.)

1:12 PM: Sen. Robert Bennett (R-Utah) to Chertoff: “Is the Coast Guard a part of the Department of Homeland Security?” Is that a trick question? Oh no, it’s a softball — the Coast Guard did fine work during Katrina.

1:17 PM? This isn’t nearly as exciting as the Brownie testimony. Time for lunch. If anything really exciting happens, we’ll get back to you later.

READ MORE: capitol hill, covering your ass, fema, hurricane katrina, liveblogging, mark pryor, michael brown, michael chertoff, norm coleman, robert bennett

Liveblogging the Chertoff Testimony: Part 2

Coverage of Secretary Michael Chertoff’s Senate testimony (continued from this prior post):

12:12 PM: Sen. Lieberman has the floor now. He’s rambling on and on. He seems to be making a Judiciary Committee-style mistake: droning on excessively, instead of letting the witness hoist himself by his own petard.

12:19 PM: Chertoff is referring to something he calls a “judicial hangover.” Huh? Why are we talking about the late Justice Douglas?

12:22 PM: Chertoff says that he was “nudging” and “raising his voice” at Michael Brown. Good work, Secretary Chertoff — your job is secure now.

What exactly did said “nudging” involve? “Look, Brownie, I hate to be a nudge, but PEOPLE ARE DYING…”

12:24 PM: Sen. John Warner is speaking now. Electric blue tie not good for TV. Relatively friendly questions — kinda boring.

12:36 PM: Sen. Mark Dayton (D-Minn.) is questioning Chertoff now. Speechifying, blah blah blah. Compares Hurricane Katrina to some storm they had in Minnesota. “Back in St. Olaf…”

READ MORE: capitol hill, covering your ass, fema, hurricane katrina, john warner, joseph lieberman, liveblogging, michael brown, michael chertoff, susan collins

Liveblogging the Chertoff Testimony: Part 1

Secretary Michael Chertoff is now testifying before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee. Wonkette is on the scene, liveblogging Secretary Chertoff’s desperate attempt to save his job. (This post will probably be updated several times — so keep refreshing that browser! — until we move into a second post.)

11:49 AM. That mustache looks good on Chertoff; it has a softening effect. He looks like sepulchral, less wraith-like; more “time to make the donuts”…

11:52 AM. Hmm, interesting how CNN is running pics of submerged New Orleans right next to Chertoff’s head. Fox News isn’t doing that…

11:57 AM. A little drama: an angry man just stood up in the gallery and started yelling, “Women and children are being thrown into the streets.” Security approached the man, but then he quieted down. It looks like he’s staying in the room. Sen. Joseph Lieberman says the man can remain if he listens quietly.

12:03 PM: Sen. Susan Collins, in her grating and pedantic manner of speaking, asks Chertoff why he trotted off to some avian flu conference instead of focusing on Katrina.

12:07 PM: Fox News is now running Katrina devastation pics alongside Chertoff’s head.

12:08 PM: Chertoff: “This avian flu conference involved some top-level people. It wasn’t like a conference you go to in a hotel.” Oh, that changes everything! We hate those boring hotel conferences too.

(To be continued in another post.)

READ MORE: capitol hill, covering your ass, hurricane katrina, liveblogging, michael brown, michael chertoff, susan collins