Wonkette
John Edwards was stupid enough to deny reports from the National Enquirer that he had an affair with that nutty hippie. Reporters asked him about it yesterday and he said it was “completely untrue” and “ridiculous.” So we’re done with the part where “real” reporters refuse to mention the story at all until its sorta “reported” in a “disreputable” tabloid (or website!) and we can move on to the nonstop meta-media “what have we become” handwringing part where we all keep hearing about this “ridiculous” story over and over again until they give John Edwards his own Nobel prize!
The AP makes sure to point out, of course, that if John Edwards cheated on his wife it would make him the single worst human being in the history of the world:
Edwards said the story was simply “made up” and that he loves his wife, Elizabeth, who is being treated for an incurable form of cancer.
She’s got cancer, people! What kind of monster would cheat on a woman with cancer!
John claimed to still find his wife “warm, loving, beautiful, sexy, and as good a person as I have ever known.” His best defense against these allegations may be his repeated insistence that he and his wife have sex all the damn time. Remember the terrible broken rib story?
Of course, he’ll need all the wink-wink quotations in men’s magazines he can get to beat these unsubstantiated charges that are so far being denied by both individuals involved.
Comments
I have no idea how this allegation even comes close to the notion of a 'scandal'.
Especially not given the near daily eruption of absolutely freakish perverseness from the Republican party, its demonic minion minor leagues (i.e., pundits and 'college' Republicans), and the Talibangelical front.
Didn't Terri Schiavo's husband shack up with some lady after she's gone broccoli?
I mean, yeah, it was like, what, six years in? But it takes all kinds.
@EnBuenOra:
Word! I miss Gennifer Flowers.
@sinnesloeschen:
she'd gone broccoli, idiot.
Y'all need an Edit button REALBAD.
Newt Gingrich divorced his first wife while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery. He also graciously said "She isn't young enough or pretty enough to be the President's wife."
Does that count?
@sinnesloeschen:
Yeah, but that's only because Terri Schiavo was so boring in bed (same blank stare, no enthusiasm, no oral on account of the feeding tube, etc.). Elizabeth Edwards is apparently into rib punching and who knows what other kinky things.
@nicolsonde:
Nope, that doesn't count. He's made his peace with Jesus, or something.
john edwards said "dude, i can get better pussy than dingy new age freaks. puh-leaze."
@nicolsonde: "She isn't young enough or pretty enough to be the President's wife."
This is also true of Bill Clinton.
That chick is a full-lake!
@nicolsonde: I guess she got the last laugh, being as Newt isn't president enough to be married to her.
Sure he's pretty, but I hear he's terrible in the sack. He's all thumbs.
Is that John's O-face?
@ManchuCandidate: For hippies, he breaks out the Om face.
Edwards need to get on TV and tell America: "Look, there are lines of these ditzy girls sucking me off in parking lots all over America. One face in a hundred during the course of a day's blowjobs is not going to stick, since I mostly only see the tops of their heads. So fuck you!"
Voters would understand and respect his honesty.
The Enquirer also is coming out with revelations that Giuliani married his first cousin and his current (third) wife forgot she had a second husband. Shocking!
It's not the enquirer; the media wouldn't have run with the story had it not been for that prick Mickey Kaus. Anything for more traffic, eh Mickey?
@metropolitan: In fairness, I haven't seen any pictures that show her breasts; she could be very lovely.
I am shocked! Shocked, I say! to find the story in the National Enquirer untrue. Soon critics will try to claim that 'Space Aliens Made Me Pregnant with Two-Headed Monstrosity' stories have equal validity or invalidity or whatevs.
TGY, In Conclusion: Shocked
What sort of man would cheat on his cancer-stricken wife?
NEWT!
Convincing others of John Edwards being too sly to be president of the United States begins here!!!
@jose reyes.the roof:
Word.
@nicolsonde: Word.
I would do him, but methinks Liz would hunt me down and KICK MY ASS. And laugh about it. In public. Too much humiliation for the chucho...
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